Visiting Patria? Leave the hoodie at home!

The death of Trayvon Martin, the hoodie-wearing black Florida teenager who was shot and killed by a Neighborhood Watchman who believed him to be armed and dangerous, has not gone unnoticed in Patria. As in the US, the usual bleeding-hearts and leftists want the shooter, George Zimmerman (if that name sounds Jewish, Robert Zimmerman was actually Bob Dylan's birth name!) charged with murder and a hate crime to boot. The National Union has said what most Americans are probably thinking to themselves but won't dare say publicly for fear of being ostracized as racists: When black males in hoodies stop committing a disproportionate number of crimes, police and law-abiding citizens will stop profiling them. When they stop dressing like gang-bangers, we will stop treating them like potential criminals.

Although it is no longer enforced with the same vigor as it used to be in the Federal District of Castoropolis during the 46th Congress (1998-2002, when the NU ran roughshod over Patria's capital city, like Mike Harris in Ontario), Patria has a dress code in place for young people - usually interpreted as anyone under 65; it is not unusual in Patria for 40-somethings to get carded when attempting to buy beer! The code is specifically targeted at young men dressing like thugs and young women dressing like sluts.

The following attire is explicitly prohibited in the Federal District, and in some of the greater Castoropolis suburbs in Caesarea:

• Bandannas or do-rags
• Cornrow hair styles
• Baggy jeans or cargo pants
• Baseball caps worn backwards or sideways
• Excessive jewellery, such as oversize crucifixes
• Hoodies
• Black and silver sports logos, e.g. Chicago White Sox, Oakland Raiders and Wayne Gretzky-era LA Kings.
• Any other clothing identified with gangs - at the discretion of the National Union's Youth Police as to what constitutes "gang" clothing and/or "gang colors"

In addition to leaving the hoodie at home, young visitors to Castoropolis should note that a dusk-to-dawn curfew is in effect from one half hour after sunset until one half hour before sunrise. During these hours no one under 18 is allowed on the streets without a parent or adult guardian. Any kid on the streets between 8:30 AM and 4:30 PM on school days should also have a good excuse for the NU Youth Police.

Would Travyon Martin still be alive if he hadn't been wearing a hoodie? Quite possibly. And in Patria, the message is simple: dress with dignity. And modesty, for women.