Christmas in Patria

Yes, there is Christmas in Patria. Dec. 25th is an official government holiday. And, no, it's not the tawdry, schlocky, over-commercialized greed-fest with little spiritual value that it has become in much of North America. Indeed, if Jesus could see what is being done allegedly in His name, he would throw the greed-mongers out of the malls faster than he threw the money-changers out of the temple! Practicing Christians in Patria can celebrate Christmas as the sacred celebration it is meant to be, free of the HO-HO-HO'ing, pressure to spend into the poorhouse, phony forced joviality, and all the commercial trappings that have little to do with Christianity. In Patria, you will not see Santa Claus, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, or other secular winter-fest stuff that has virtually no connection to the birth of a divine incarnation (or avatar) who is on the same level as Krishna or Rama. In Patria, the only Christmas songs you will hear on the radio are traditional carols such as Adeste Fideles (Latin version of O Come All Ye Faithful) that have as much spiritual value as any Hindu bhajan and actually mention the name of Jesus. Cruddy, sappy songs, and generic winter-fest songs that do not acknowledge the birth of a divine being are all but banned on Patria's airwaves. You know which songs are being referenced here. Horrid stuff that gets trotted out year after year beginning in late November, such as Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell Rock, White Christmas, Brenda Lee's Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, and arguably the most brutal Christmas song ever written: Jose Feliciano's Feliz Navidad. Santa Claus wouldn't dare show his fat butt in Patria. In fact, the only place you will see a picture of Santa in Patria is in the post office - among the posters of wanted criminals! Santa has been indicted in Patria for violation of labor laws. His workshop has failed to adopt equal-opportunity fair hiring practices, hiring only elves, and from the looks of it, only white male elves who are not paid overtime or allowed to join a union. Santa is also wanted on hate crime charges, for repeatedly stiffing Jewish children. Jolly as he may be, he is a notorious anti-Semite, and he also is not too fond of Muslims, Hindus or other non-Christian heathen swine. Not for nothing do his reindeer have Aryan names like Donder and Blitzen. Fortunately for the kiddies, Patria does not have an extradition treaty with the North Pole!

Patria Post issues an annual Christmas stamp, depicting a traditional Christmas image that those who actually celebrate Christmas as it was meant to be can relate to. See above for 2010 version, and visit the Patria Post site to view previous issues.

Merry Christmas in Patrienish is Anandí Xrístnascí. Note that in Patrienish, many words can and do begin with the letter x, which is a back-of-the-throat fricative, like Scots-English loch. There is even double-x in Patrienish, pronounced as "ksh", e.g. Laxxmí (Lakshmi).