Tenrecs for #Patria200

I'm a tenrec and I stand for Patria!

For #Patria200, Patria's bicentennial celebration in 2018, get to know the tenrec! Like the Canadian beaver, the Russian bear, the Australian koala or kangaroo, and the American bald eagle, Patria has a de facto national animal: the little hedgehog-like tenrec, found almost exclusively in Madagascar. Its name is derived from the Malagasy tandraka; it has nothing to do with the number ten, or with recreation ("rec") for that matter. In Patria's official language, tandrací is Patrienish for tenrec.

The tenrec was likely the first mammal to land on Madagascar millions of years ago, so the early lineage evolved over generations to adapt its body shape to its environment. Through a process called “adaptive radiation,” new tenrec species appeared, each physically suited for its ecological niche and free of competition, according to the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN)/SSC Afrotheria Specialist Group. The IUCN does not consider tenrecs an endangered species, but they do suffer from loss of habitat in their native Madagascar due to ongoing destruction of forests for slash-and-burn agriculture, charcoal, and cattle pasture.

The group ranges from the velvety-soft giant otter shrew, to the water-loving aquatic tenrec, to the punk rocker-looking streaked tenrec. They are mostly nocturnal and rely on their sensitive whiskers and keen sense of smell and hearing to find food. There are some 30 species of tenrecs, however one specific species will likely not be officially designated as Patria's national animal, should the 50th Congress (or the 51st Congress after June 30, 2018) act on it.

When threatened, a tenrec rolls into a ball, exposing its spiny covering and protecting its underbelly. The spiny ball is nearly impenetrable. Continued provocation can elicit it coming out of its ball and advancing, gaping, and head bucking to the threat. Should a predator dare to bite the tenrec, it can be left with a mouthful of short quills.

Tenrecs even make good pets!

This little critter is not exactly cute and cuddly (beware of its sharp quills!) but it represents Patria in a very real sense. Virtually unrecognized or unknown by most of the world and often thought of as a hedgehog, which it isn't. To celebrate Patria's bicentennial, a movement is afoot for Congress to officially designate the tenrec as Patria's national animal. It is only unofficially recognized as such. Circa 1883, as the UK, France, Germany and the other great macro-world powers sought out colonies in Africa and Asia, Patria joined the so-called "scramble for Africa" and claimed Madagascar as part of its colonial empire along with the Spratly Islands. The Madagascar claim has never been disputed by any macro-national world power (not even France, who ruled Madagascar from the 1890s until independence in 1960), so it must have been kosher. Nonetheless Patria abandoned its claim to Madagascar by 1900, not only when Congress failed to ratify a resolution that would have made the tenrec Patria's national animal, but more importantly when Patria recognized the evils of colonialism and the costs of taking up the “white man’s burden” decades before the great macro-world powers granted their colonies independence. But small colonies of tenrecs were brought to Patria, where they continue to thrive to this day. They can be spotted as urban wildlife, as common as squirrels in Castoropolis and Patria's other major cities.

Big dogs for National Unionists. Little tenrecs for the rest of Patria!

While on the topic of animals and the upcoming #patriavotes2018 election, the National Union has been campaigning hard on the BIG DOGS! TOUGH MEN! slogan. Macho testosterone-fueled law-and-order Marlboro-smoking Harley-riding National Union men (so their stereotype goes) own big dogs like rottweilers and pit bulls. According to the NU, men who don't like dogs, are scared of dogs, or who just prefer to own cats are soft-on-crime liberal pussies. The NU is doing everything possible to turn Patria into a macho tough men-only world and to remind voters that you can't spell PATRIARCHY without PATRIA, as they turn the clock back to the 1950s. National Unionists can have their big dogs. The rest of Patria prefers little tenrecs. For its part, Patria's Green Party is rolling out a SAVE THE TENRECS campaign, though as noted above tenrecs are not threatened with extinction.

If a tenrec could talk, it would say "I'm not a hedgehog" and "What are you doing to celebrate #Patria200?"