Patria Votes 2022: SRM foiled again by Social Democrats, Chakra and Green Parties

 “Whose Patria? Our Patria?” But not quite the SRM’s Patria. While the Hindu right “Patria First” SRM won the most seats in the Fifty Second Congress, they ran into a progressive (but not woke) buzz-saw: the “Progress with a purpose” Social Democrats, “Bikes not cars” Greens and “Inquire Within” Chakra Party, who have enough combined seats for a simple (50%) majority in the House. For those bills, constitutional amendments and other resolutions that require a two-thirds majority, they will still need support from the minor parties, Jim Rome’s Jungle, National Unionists and at least a few SRMers. The election really did not change much of the power balance from the Social Democrat-Amrita-Chakra dominated Fifty First Congress, even if the SRM won 34 more seats than in 2018. Despite the demise of the Amrita Party, there will be four IAM – Independent Amrita Members – sitting in the new Congress, who were elected through write-in votes and the party remaining on the ballot in Caesarea. 

The law and order National Union campaigned hard on a “don’t be a pussy” platform, but equating manliness with owning a big dog and supporting the police right or wrong (aka Blue Lives Matter) seemed hardly worth it as they managed to win only one more seat than in 2018. Jim Rome’s Jungle Party finished down one seat from 2018, but at least they took some votes away from the NU, those votes being unemployed or minimally employed adult boys living in their mom and dad’s basement, spending most of the day playing video games. 

The SRM claims its “win” was in large part due to the demise of the Amrita Party. But the real winner was the Chakra Party, who scooped up 43 more seats than in 2018. Most of those votes would likely have gone to Amrita. 

A whopping 22 parties (including the remnants of the Amrita party, known as “IAM”) will be represented in the 52^nd Congress, though nine of those parties hold only a single seat each. Try doing that with first-past-the-post! Thanks to proportional representation, no vote in Patria is ever wasted or elects no one. Even write-ins can win a seat, though this was due to nostalgia for the defunct Amrita Party rather than proportional representation per se.

 Campaign 2022 final score:

 SRM – 90 (+34 from 2018)

Social Democrats – 84 (-12)

Chakra – 76 (+43)

National Union – 22 (+1)

Green – 17 (+1)

Jungle – 10 (-1)

Lilith – 8 (+2)

Libertarian – 5 (unchanged)

Independent (Amrita) – 4**

Chastity – 2 (-1)

Family Values – 2 (unchanged)

Peoples’ Party – 2

Reconstruction Party - 2

Others* – 9

*one seat each: Pottsylvanian Alliance, United Patriots of Pottsylvania, United Farmers of Antioch, Lazurian Independent Party, Patriots Union of Nova Columbia, Incels’ Rights, Victory and Peace, Freedom Party, Popular Front of Caesarea.

** Now-defunct Amrita Party, aka “IAM” (Independent Amrita Members).

Seats won by precinct: 

Fredonia (9)

Chakra – 2, Green – 1, Jungle – 1, NU – 1, SD – 2, SRM – 2

 Haldimania (12)

Chakra –2, Green – 1, Libertarian – 1, NU – 1, SD – 3, SRM – 4

 Pottsylvania (13)

Chakra – 3, Lilith – 1, NU – 1, SD – 3, SRM – 3, Pottsylvanian Alliance – 1, United Patriots of Pottsylvania – 1

 Mauretania (15)

Chakra – 3, Green – 1, Jungle – 1, Lilith – 1, NU – 1, SD – 4, SRM – 3, Peoples’ Party – 1

 Canardiere (16)

Chakra – 3, Green – 1, Libertarian – 1, SD – 6, SRM – 5

 Ambrosia (17)

Chakra – 4, Green – 1, Lilith – 1, NU – 1, SD – 5, SRM – 5

 Antioch (19)

Chakra – 5, Jungle – 1, NU – 1, SD – 5, SRM – 6, United Farmers of Antioch – 1

 Arboria (21)

Chakra – 4, Green – 1, Lilith – 1, NU – 2, SD – 6, SRM – 6, Independent (Amrita) – 1

 Aeolia (24)

Chakra – 5, Green – 2, Jungle – 1, Libertarian – 1, NU – 1, SD – 6, SRM – 8

 Centralia (25)

Chakra – 6, Green – 2, Jungle – 1, Lilith – 1, NU – 3, SD – 5, SRM – 7

 Lazuria (27)

Chakra – 7, Green – 1, Jungle – 1, NU – 1, SD – 8, SRM – 8, Lazurian Independent Party – 1

 Nova Columbia (36)

Chakra – 9, Chastity – 1, Green – 2, Jungle – 1, Lilith – 1, NU – 1, SD – 8, SRM – 9, Patriots’ Union of Nova Columbia (PUNC) – 1, Peoples’ Party – 1, Incels’ Rights – 1, Reconstruction Party – 1

 Federal District of Castoropolis (38)

Chakra – 10, Chastity – 1, Family Values – 1, Green – 2, Jungle – 1, Libertarian – 1, NU – 1, SD – 7, SRM – 10, Independent (Amrita) – 1, Victory and Peace Party – 1, Freedom Party – 1, Reconstruction Party – 1

 Caesarea (61)

Chakra – 13, Family Values – 1, Green – 2, Jungle – 2, Libertarian – 1, Lilith – 2, NU – 7, SD – 16, SRM – 14, Independent (Amrita) – 2, Popular Front of Caesarea (PFC) – 1

As Patria awaits the 52nd Congress Inauguration Day on June 30, a reminder that Patria is not a place for social conservative culture wars. The tired old horses such as modest dress for women and no same-sex marriage left the barn a long time ago.

Neither left nor right: minor and fringe parties hold Patria’s balance of power

Thanks to proportional representation, minor parties play a key role in Patria and a vote for one of the pint-size parties is almost never a wasted vote. A coalition government, whether led by the Social Democrats, SRM or even the Chakra Party, usually can’t be cobbled together without the support of at least one such party. When a two-thirds majority is needed for ratification of many pieces of legislation, and even for the bills that can be passed with a simple 50% majority, one vote here and one vote there from a fringe or nutbar party can be crucial.

Patria’s Green Party and Libertarian party need no further explanation, as they share the policies and platforms with their macro-national Green and Libertarian counterparts.

The Lilith Party is a party of radical feminists, as hard-left as they come. Real “womyn” only, born with real vulvas and a full set of xx chromosomes. Trans women should steer clear of them. TERFs don’t come any more TERF than the Lilith Party.

There are a few single-issue parties, such as the Chastity Party and Family Values Party whose platforms are pretty much self-explanatory. They have no real raison d’être other than promoting socially conservative causes for the few who actually care about such things as advocating modest dress for women or banning public displays of affection. Local parties that appear on the ballot in only one precinct, such as the Pottsylvanian Alliance and Lazurian Independent Party, exist mainly to represent the interests of Pottsylvania and Lazuria respectively and try to get the precinct a better deal from Castoropolis. Like Canada, Patria’s version of federalism also includes transfer payments or economic subsidies from the federal government in order to help close the gap between the rich precincts such as Caesarea and the poorer ones such as Fredonia.

 

The fringiest of the fringe parties is arguably the Jungle Party, whose leader is the noted sports talk show host Jim Rome. The typical Jungle party voter is an unemployed or minimally employed 30-something male living in his parents’ basement, playing online games, eating leftovers or junk food, and with no girlfriend to speak of. But the party has apparently drawn men who might otherwise vote National Union.

Single-seat “parties of one” are not unusual in Patria’s Congress. In 2018 the Pottsylvanian Alliance, Lazurian Independent Party, Patriots’ Union of Nova Columbia (PUNC, usually pronounced as acronym), Peoples’ Party, Reconstruction Party and Popular Front of Caesarea took one seat each.

Patria feels the Bern for the 51st Congress!

Patria awakens on Earth Day - the day after Election Day 2018 - to find the Bernie Sanders-inspired Social Democrats have won the most seats in the 51st Congress-elect. The Social Dems took 96 seats - elected by mixed-member proportional representation - in the 333-seat Congress, up 47 from 2014. The Amrita Party of Amma's "Embracing Patria" devotees finished a strong second with 78 seats (up 10 from 2014). The "Patria First" SRM, despite all the noise they made about taking back the economy and bringing the jobs home, gained only one seat more than 2014, but with 56 seats the SRM is still a strong force that will oppose the likely SD-Amrita-Chakra-Green coalition. Notwithstanding the popularity of right-wing populists and nationalists in the macro-world from Donald Trump's America to Doug Ford's Ontario, voters in Patria just weren't buying the economic nationalism, tariffs and protectionism that the SRM has been pushing for years. Why such a strong surge for the SD? A need for real change? Giving the right wing the middle-finger salute? Not buying the fear-mongering of the "Faith. Family Freedom" types tweeting @Patriavotes2018 who warned against an impending communist takeover? More likely that voters across Patria simply said "FUCK THIS!" and threw their lot in with the so-called Berners or Bernie-crats, hoping that old-school democratic socialism added to the Amrita and Chakra Party's Hindu/yoga/embracing the world mix will improve their economic prospects over the next four years more than building tariff walls and promises to "make Patria great again".

The real losers in 2018 are the macho law-and-order, pit bull-owning, gun-toting, cop-loving National Union, who sink further into irrelevance with only 21 seats (down 5 from 2014) despite running one of the loudest campaigns of 2018, vilifying wimpy soft-on-crime liberal "pussies" (both two legs and four - the NU hates cats and cat owners because real men own big dogs such as pit bulls and rottweilers). Jim Rome's Jungle Party also lost big. The Clones could manage only 11 seats (down a whopping 17 from 2014) as the Rome show has become tired and uninspired over the past four years.

96 seats in the 51st Congress-elect. Because FUCK THIS SHIT!

Party standings in the 51st Congress-elect:

Social Democrats – 96 (+47 from 2014)

Amrita – 78 (+10)

SRM – 56 (+1)

Chakra – 33 (-26)

National Union – 21 (-5)

Green – 16 (+3)

Jungle – 11 (-17)

Lilith – 6 (-1)

Libertarian – 5 (-2)

Chastity – 3 (unchanged)

Family Values – 2 (unchanged)

others* – 6

*one seat each: Pottsylvanian Alliance, Lazurian Independent Party, Patriots Union Nova Columbia (PUNC), Peoples’ Party, Reconstruction Party, Popular Front of Caesarea.

Seats awarded by Precinct:

Fredonia (9)

Amrita – 2

Chakra – 1

Green – 1

NU – 1

SD – 2

SRM – 2

Haldimania (12)

Amrita – 2

Chakra – 1

Green – 1

Jungle – 1

NU – 1

SD – 4

SRM – 2

Pottsylvania (13)

Amrita – 3

Chakra – 2

Green – 1

Libertarian – 1

SD – 3

SRM – 2

Pottsylvanian Alliance – 1

Mauretania (15)

Amrita – 2

Chakra – 1

Green – 1

Lilith – 1

Jungle – 1

NU – 2

SD – 5

SRM – 2

Canardiere (16)

Amrita – 2

Chakra – 1

Chastity – 1

Libertarian – 1

NU – 1

SD – 6

SRM – 4

Ambrosia (17)

Amrita – 3

Chakra – 2

Green – 1

Lilith – 1

NU – 1

SD – 5

SRM – 4

Antioch (19)

Amrita – 4

Chakra – 1

Jungle – 1

NU – 1

SD – 7

SRM – 5

Arboria (21)

Amrita – 5

Chakra – 2

Green – 1

NU – 2

SD – 7

SRM – 3

Reconstruction Party – 1

Aeolia (24)

Amrita – 6

Chakra – 2

Green – 1

Libertarian – 1

Jungle – 1

SD – 7

SRM – 6

Centralia (25)

Amrita – 9

Chakra – 2

Green – 1

Jungle – 1

NU – 2

SD – 6

SRM – 4

Lazuria (27)

Amrita – 6

Chakra – 5

Green – 1

Jungle – 1

NU – 2

SD – 7

SRM – 4

Lazurian Independent Party – 1

Nova Columbia (36)

Amrita – 7

Chakra – 4

Family Values – 1

Green – 1

Jungle – 2

Lilith – 1

NU – 2

SD – 10

SRM – 6

Patriots Union (PUNC) – 1

Peoples’ Party – 1

Federal Dist. of Castoropolis (38)

Amrita – 12

Chakra – 2

Green – 2

Lilith – 1

Jungle – 1

Chastity – 1

Libertarian – 1

NU – 2

SD – 11

SRM – 5

Caesarea (61)

Amrita – 15

Chakra – 7

Chastity – 1

Family Values – 1

Green – 4

Jungle – 2

Libertarian – 1

Lilith – 2

NU – 4

SD – 16

SRM – 7

Popular Front of Caesarea (PFC) – 1

The Fourth Session of the 50th Congress (4·L 2017-18) is about to return for a lame-duck session that will continue until a couple days before Inauguration Day, June 30. There are a number of items on the order paper while the 51st Congress-elect waits out the transition, including Patria's fiscal 2019 budget. Traditionally the budget is the last item to be ratified before Congress adjourns for the summer recess or Inauguration Day.

Tenrecs for #Patria200

I'm a tenrec and I stand for Patria!

For #Patria200, Patria's bicentennial celebration in 2018, get to know the tenrec! Like the Canadian beaver, the Russian bear, the Australian koala or kangaroo, and the American bald eagle, Patria has a de facto national animal: the little hedgehog-like tenrec, found almost exclusively in Madagascar. Its name is derived from the Malagasy tandraka; it has nothing to do with the number ten, or with recreation ("rec") for that matter. In Patria's official language, tandrací is Patrienish for tenrec.

The tenrec was likely the first mammal to land on Madagascar millions of years ago, so the early lineage evolved over generations to adapt its body shape to its environment. Through a process called “adaptive radiation,” new tenrec species appeared, each physically suited for its ecological niche and free of competition, according to the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN)/SSC Afrotheria Specialist Group. The IUCN does not consider tenrecs an endangered species, but they do suffer from loss of habitat in their native Madagascar due to ongoing destruction of forests for slash-and-burn agriculture, charcoal, and cattle pasture.

The group ranges from the velvety-soft giant otter shrew, to the water-loving aquatic tenrec, to the punk rocker-looking streaked tenrec. They are mostly nocturnal and rely on their sensitive whiskers and keen sense of smell and hearing to find food. There are some 30 species of tenrecs, however one specific species will likely not be officially designated as Patria's national animal, should the 50th Congress (or the 51st Congress after June 30, 2018) act on it.

When threatened, a tenrec rolls into a ball, exposing its spiny covering and protecting its underbelly. The spiny ball is nearly impenetrable. Continued provocation can elicit it coming out of its ball and advancing, gaping, and head bucking to the threat. Should a predator dare to bite the tenrec, it can be left with a mouthful of short quills.

Tenrecs even make good pets!

This little critter is not exactly cute and cuddly (beware of its sharp quills!) but it represents Patria in a very real sense. Virtually unrecognized or unknown by most of the world and often thought of as a hedgehog, which it isn't. To celebrate Patria's bicentennial, a movement is afoot for Congress to officially designate the tenrec as Patria's national animal. It is only unofficially recognized as such. Circa 1883, as the UK, France, Germany and the other great macro-world powers sought out colonies in Africa and Asia, Patria joined the so-called "scramble for Africa" and claimed Madagascar as part of its colonial empire along with the Spratly Islands. The Madagascar claim has never been disputed by any macro-national world power (not even France, who ruled Madagascar from the 1890s until independence in 1960), so it must have been kosher. Nonetheless Patria abandoned its claim to Madagascar by 1900, not only when Congress failed to ratify a resolution that would have made the tenrec Patria's national animal, but more importantly when Patria recognized the evils of colonialism and the costs of taking up the “white man’s burden” decades before the great macro-world powers granted their colonies independence. But small colonies of tenrecs were brought to Patria, where they continue to thrive to this day. They can be spotted as urban wildlife, as common as squirrels in Castoropolis and Patria's other major cities.

Big dogs for National Unionists. Little tenrecs for the rest of Patria!

While on the topic of animals and the upcoming #patriavotes2018 election, the National Union has been campaigning hard on the BIG DOGS! TOUGH MEN! slogan. Macho testosterone-fueled law-and-order Marlboro-smoking Harley-riding National Union men (so their stereotype goes) own big dogs like rottweilers and pit bulls. According to the NU, men who don't like dogs, are scared of dogs, or who just prefer to own cats are soft-on-crime liberal pussies. The NU is doing everything possible to turn Patria into a macho tough men-only world and to remind voters that you can't spell PATRIARCHY without PATRIA, as they turn the clock back to the 1950s. National Unionists can have their big dogs. The rest of Patria prefers little tenrecs. For its part, Patria's Green Party is rolling out a SAVE THE TENRECS campaign, though as noted above tenrecs are not threatened with extinction.

If a tenrec could talk, it would say "I'm not a hedgehog" and "What are you doing to celebrate #Patria200?"

"Jill not Hill" as Congress recesses at mid-term

Patria's 50th Congress (2·L 2015-16) reached the midpoint of its term of office. As Congress adjourned for the summer recess until September 19, 2016 (3·L 2016-17), the traditional Annual Message to Congress was delivered. Although Patria does not endorse candidates in macro-national elections, the address includes an unofficial endorsement in the US presidential election. And it's not Hillary!

The following is the transcription of the Annual Message:

Om vighna nashinyai namah. Adorations to the Mother who destroys all obstacles.  As the Second Session of the 50^th Congress began, so it ends: with salutations and prostrations at the Divine Mother’s lotus feet. With Her blessings, the Fiftieth Congressus Patriaë has reached the midpoint of its term of office.

Over the course of the Second Session, as had been the intention on Inauguration Day two years ago, a more liberal Patria has taken root. A Patria that has let go of the “safe place for social conservatives”, “modest dress for women” and other tired, lame cliché slogans and is open, ready and willing to be completely restructured around the Positive Possibilities that were first elaborated by the Amrita Party, Chakra Party and others in 2010 and that took root in Canada during this session when the election of Justin Trudeau as Prime Minister swept away the dark ignorance of the Harper era. While on the topic of Positive Possibilities, it is worth noting that Parvati’s new song I am Light that debuted in March continues to sell well and gain radio airplay in Patria.

As per tradition, the final act of the session was the ratification vote of Patria’s fiscal 2017 budget. This budget, passed just minutes ago, contains funding for the usual social programs, from free lunches for grade school kids to subsidized tuition for university and college students, that economic and paleo-conservatives, National Unionists and US Republicans decry as “socialism” and “tax and spend” handouts. But even National Unionists travel by train and wish to do so safely; thus the budget also includes sufficient funding to maintain and upgrade Patria’s passenger rail infrastructure, including the installation of Positive Train Control on all trains – from lowly milk-runs to the superfast express trains that link Castoropolis with the precinct capitals. 

The budget also notes that the Reserve Bank of Patria will take appropriate measures if necessary to prop up the Patrienish Rupee, should the value of Patria’s currency be dragged down along with the British Pound Sterling following the decision in the United Kingdom yesterday to withdraw from the European Union. Patria, of course, did not endorse either the “Leave” or “Remain” side in the UK referendum, but does support the right to self-determination and independence of Scotland and Wales, as well as micronations within the United Kingdom such as Sealand. 

Patria generally does not endorse candidates or parties in foreign or macro-national elections. But over the course of the Second Session, as America votes in November and US citizens in Patria take the necessary steps to register and obtain absentee ballots, Patria has been enthusiastically and fervently supporting the campaign of Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Party’s nomination as the next President of the United States. Although the window of opportunity has virtually run out for the Senator from Vermont as Hillary Clinton has now clinched – or should we say rigged – the party’s nomination, Patria nonetheless unofficially endorses Mr. Sanders should he decide to run as an Independent or Third Party candidate. Failing the opportunity to “Feel the Bern”, Patria will unofficially endorse Jill Stein of the Green Party and the battle cry of “Jill not Hill!” (or hashtag #JillnotHill) will reverberate throughout the Inner Realm going forward into the Third Session.

Of course Patria strongly hopes to see a woman someday be elected President of the United States. Perhaps Elizabeth Warren in 2020. Or Tulsi Gabbard  in, say, 2032. But not Hillary Clinton in 2016. Over the course of the primaries and caucuses from New Hampshire in February until California early this month, we often heard that Ms. Clinton is more “experienced”, having served as a Senator and Secretary of State as well as First Lady. Indeed, she does have quite an impressive resumé. But in 1856, James Buchanan had also served as a Senator and Secretary of State, as well as United States ambassador to Russia, and turned out to be arguably the worst President ever, who did virtually nothing to prevent the impending Civil War. We heard that Ms. Clinton “got more done” during her tenure in the US Senate, when in fact she managed to pass only three inconsequential pieces of legislation, such as renaming a post office. Compare this with some of Bernie Sanders' accomplishments over more than two decades in Congress – from treating autism in the military to getting tough on child labor and exposing corruption in the military-industrial complex – which he achieved by building unusual but effective coalitions with Democrats and Republicans alike. We heard that Ms. Clinton is more “practical”, “pragmatic” and has “more realistic goals” than Mr. Sanders. But America and indeed the macro-world can do better in 2016 than baby-steps pragmatism and “incremental” change. Know this: no one has ever changed the world by being practical, sticking to realistic goals or maintaining the status quo. Such a world, where those in roles of leadership are unable or unwilling to create real change, would offer little more than a dull, beige existence. It would be a world where Mahatma Gandhi would have become a moderately successful trial lawyer, Nelson Mandela would have died in prison and Martin Luther King Jr. would have been preaching to the Ebenezer Baptist Church choir. Finally, we heard that in the upcoming election in November, we must hold our noses or put on blindfolds and vote for Ms. Clinton as she is the “lesser of two evils”. Not only is this an extremely tired, lame cliché (as everyone knows, the lesser of two evils is still evil), but Patria could make a good argument that Ms. Clinton is more evil than Donald Trump. Mr. Trump is simply a blustering, overweight buffoon, like the late former Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford, who would make America a laughing stock rather than great again. But at least Mr. Trump is not a tired old member of the status quo Republican establishment like Jeb Bush or Mitt Romney. Ms. Clinton is not only as establishment and status quo as it gets but is an amoral billionaire who can earn more money for a single dinner party or speaking engagement than Mr. Sanders earns in an entire year, a one-percent plutocrat and corporate shill whose principles are dictated by those to whom she is beholden: the Wall Street corporate suits and banksters, Big Oil, Big Pharma, the prison-industrial complex and the war machine of the military-industrial complex. Even one of the Koch Brothers has come out in favor of a second Clinton administration. Ms. Clinton claims to be “liberal” or “progressive” but supported Barry Goldwater in 1964 while Bernie Sanders was marching on the front lines of the civil rights movement. She has constantly flip-flopped on issues such as same-sex marriage and has done virtually nothing to advance the cause of true liberalism or progressive democratic socialism. She has never met a war she didn’t like and counts among her close friends and confidants the tired old Cold Warrior Henry Kissinger. If your loved ones who joined the military and deployed overseas have returned to America in body bags, with missing limbs, or a lifetime of battlefield trauma, you can blame her support of George W. Bush’s war in Iraq. If your job has disappeared, offshored to Mexico or China, and you are unable to find a meaningful job that offers even half the wages of your old one, you can blame her support of NAFTA and the Trans-Pacific Partnership. If you have been needlessly incarcerated for a petty, non-violent crime – or even no crime at all – you can blame her support of the failed war on drugs and the private prison industry.

With the belief that America can and must do better than either Mr. Trump or Ms. Clinton, as Jim Rome’s Jungle Party Clones await Smack Off XXII on July 1, and as Patria says lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu in memory of those who passed away earlier this month – Muhammad Ali, Gordie Howe and the 49 lives brutally snuffed out in Orlando, Florida – let us wrap up the work of this session. Going forward into the second half of the 50^th Congress and towards Patria’s bicentennial celebrations in 2018 let us move beyond our preconceived notions and attachments and open to the wonders of life. Gone, gone, beyond in the words of the Buddhist Sutra: gate gate pāragate pārasamgate bodhi svāhā!

Om Sri Gurubhyo Namah. Hari Om.

Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare closed the Second Session of the 50^th Congress, and call this Congress to re-assemble here on Monday, the 19^th of September 2016, to open the Third Session of the 50^th Congress.

Jill Stein - Patria's unofficial endorsement to succeed Barack Obama as US President.