Campaign 2014: 50th Congress election primer

For newbies to Patria or first-time visitors to this blog, the following is a brief summary of what you need to know about Patria's upcoming federal election.

Election Day: April 19, 2014 (Third Saturday in April; Patriot’s Day long weekend)

Inauguration Day: June 30, 2014

What’s at stake: 333 seats in Patria’s 50^th Congress (L Con. Pat.), elections for Precinct legislatures and local city, county or demi-precinct councils in some of Patria’s 13 Precincts and the Federal District of Castoropolis (FDC). There is also an upper house in Patria, like the US and Canadian Senate or UK House of Lords, but its members are selected by the Precinct legislatures, not by direct popular vote.

How members of Congress are elected: European or Israeli-style proportional representation. Lists of candidates are prepared by each party and seats are awarded in proportion to the percentage of votes received in each precinct. An idea whose time has come in Canada but will likely never happen.

Congressional apportionment per precinct:

Caesarea – 61 seats

FDC – 38

Nova Columbia – 36

Lazuria – 27

Centralia – 25

Aeolia – 24

Arboria – 21

Antioch – 19

Ambrosia – 17

Canardiere – 16

Mauretania – 15

Pottsylvania – 13

Haldimania – 12

Fredonia – 9

Term of office: Four year term ending June 30, 2018.

Method of vote counting: paper ballots counted by hand. No hanging chads. This ain’t Florida 2000!

Follow on Twitter @Patria1818 and @Patriavotes2014. (the latter account created solely for the purpose of electioneering and political ads from all parties) Hashtag: #PatriaVotes2014

For some basic background information on Patria’s many and varied political parties, please visit the links below. Note that some of this information will require updating since the 2010 election.

Amrita Party “Embracing Patria”, Amma as House leader in Congress. Generally liberal-progressive. 

SRM (Spiritual Regeneration/Swadeshi RamrajyaMovement) “Bring the jobs home” Small-c conservative Hindu nationalist, economic protectionist.

Chakra Party “no gurus, just right” yoga/new age liberal.

National Union “where a man belongs”, macho, populist law and order.

Jungle Party “Have a take, don’t suck”, inspired by Jim Rome.

Parties from the macro-world Parties that actually exist in "real" or macro-nations, e.g. Green Party, Libertarian Party, Social Democrats.

Minor parties: fringe groups and nutbars (Chastity Party, Family Values Party, Lilith Party, Freedom Party, etc.) that get in thanks to no votes being wasted under proportional representation. There are several parties that hold only a single seat in Congress.

It is likely that at least one new party will come into existence during the 2014 campaign, either in the “fringe/nutbar” category above or coming out of nowhere to win more than one or two seats.

Congress returns from summer recess as Campaign 2014 begins

The Fourth Session of the 49th Congress (4·XLIX 2013-14) meets on Monday, Sept. 16. As Patria's Congress returns from its summer recess, the usual economic issues are on the order paper (the economy has improved, at least for Patria's one-percenters) and celebrations of Amma's 60th birthday are set for the last weekend of the month. Macro-world issues such as Syria and immigration reform will also be discussed. But of course, the 800 lb. gorilla or the elephant in the room is Campaign 2014. The election of the 50th Congress will take place on April 19, 2014 (third Saturday in April, during Patriot's Day long weekend). Inauguration Day for the 50th Congress-elect is of course the traditional date of June 30, 2014.

With the election still seven months away, the Amrita-Chakra-Social Democratic "Positive Possibilities" coalition once again faces the challenge of the rightist, economic protectionist Hindu nationalist SRM and Patria's version of the Tea Party, unofficially dubbed the "Diet Coke Party". The manly-values, tungsten-tough, cigarette-smoking, pit bull-owning National Unionists wait in their mancave, pushing their usual macho law and order agenda and separating the real men from the pussycats. The Jungle Party of Jim Rome's Clones, along with the Greens, Libertarians and a whole bunch of nutbar fringe or single-seat parties could swing the balance of power.

As in 2010, you will be able to follow the campaign trail at this blog site as well as on Twitter, where a special account has been set up @Patriavotes2014 for all parties to tweet. If you have not already followed this account, please do so, as well as this blogger's personal Twitter feed @Patria1818. Don't forget to use Patria's Campaign 2014 hashtag: #patriavotes2014.

Yes there will be Amritvarsham 60

Amma's 60th birthday celebrations will take place in her home state of Kerala, Sept. 25-27, and at Amma's ashrams and centers thoughout the world. And in Patria too, of course. Will the main celebration take over a cricket stadium in Cochin, like the 50th birthday party in 2003? Stay tuned. Visit http://www.amritavarsham.org/ for further details or view the tentative schedule of events.

Commemorative stamp for Amma's 60th birthday

Amma's devotees in Patria and in the macro-national world are eagerly awaiting Amma's 60th birthday on September 27. Official plans for an "Amritavarsham 60" celebration in Kerala, on the scale of Amma's 50th birthday in 2003, have not yet been announced. Nonetheless, Patria Post has issued a commemorative stamp to mark the occasion. Although most of Patria Post's recent stamp issues are non-denominated "forever" stamps valid for the current first-class postage rate of an ordinary letter, note that this stamp carries an actual denomination of 60 Patrienish Rupees (or about $1.50 US).

Three years done, one more to go: Third Session, 49th Congress adjourns for summer

The Third Session of Patria's 49th Congress adjourned for the [northern hemisphere] summer recess today, delivering the annual Message to Congress (Patria's version of the State of the Union address) shortly after ratifying Patria's fiscal 2014 budget. By unwritten tradition, the budget is the last legislative act of Congress each year before the end of the session. As in 2013, the budget contains plenty of the A-word (austerity, if you hadn't already guessed) along with the now-usual crappy economic news. With only one year and a couple days until the inauguration of the 50th Congress and election day - April 19, 2014 - coming sooner than you think, Campaign 2014 is for all practical purposes officially under way.

The following is the text of Patria's annual message for 2013.

XLIX Con. Pat.

Annual Message to Congress (at closing of Session)

June 27, 2013

Om brghu-ksetra-samun-milat-para-daivata-tesase namah. Adorations to the Mother who is the divine glory of the awakening land of Patria. With the Divine Mother’s blessings, the 49^th Congressus Patriaë has completed three quarters of its term of office.

 At the three-quarter pole, can one find anyone in Patria who feels that he or she has recovered from the Great Recession or GED (Global Economic Downturn)? Much like the previous two sessions, this third session ends with more dismal economic news, the very real possibility of Patria’s economy sliding back into full-blown recession, nothwithstanding the glass-half-full spin-meisters who trumpet that the Great Recession ended in 2009 and foolishly proclaim the economy to be robust and growing. Just as in the United States and much of Europe, over the course of this session of Congress Patria made some tough economic choices and must continue to put its fiscal house in order going forward to the 2014 election cycle. In Patria’s fiscal 2014 budget, which was ratified by Congress earlier today, once again the key word is austerity: public sector jobs will be chopped, government services will be reduced, and there is virtually nothing the scruffy band of “Occupy Patria” protesters or the liberal lapdog media can do to stop the cuts. Therefore, be warned: if you have not already felt them, the cutbacks are coming. The austerity cobra is ready to strike. Its fangs are bared. But know this: if you are fortunate enough to still have a job, over the course of the next session and the 2014 election campaign you will – thanks to the Diet Coke Party and the Swadeshis factions – at least enjoy the benefits of reduced taxes and smaller, less intrusive government in your take-home pay.

 While political Marxism is almost a spent force, surviving only in a few macro-national hell-holes such as Cuba and North Korea, the evil scourge of Cultural Marxism continues to threaten Patria more than two decades since the Berlin Wall fell and the once-mighty Soviet Union ceased to exist. In this session we have continued to carry on the struggle to promote both economic and social conservative values, to nip in the bud any effort to revive the soul-destroying failed doctrines of Soviet-era communism, to fight the leftist arbiters of political correctness at every turn, to ensure that this Congress remains a forum for open debate of issues that mainstream liberals and conservatives alike are unable or unwilling to address, and to make Patria a safe place for politically incorrect dissident-rightist libertarian-conservative non-violent thought.

 In this session, Patria has been forced to deal with the politically incorrect fact that radical Islamism – not the Islam religion per se – is incompatible with Patria’s peaceful, orderly way of life, based on the precepts of Sanatan Dharma, free from sectarian struggles, imported civil wars and random acts of terrorism. Of course, the vast majority of Muslims are not terrorists. But as we cannot fail to note, from the World Trade Center to the Boston Marathon the vast majority of terrorists are Muslim. Peaceful, otherwise law-abiding mainstream Muslim organizations and mosques tolerate the radicals and terrorists in their midst or have failed to boot them out. As in America, Patria must address the issue of patriotic immigration reform, root out illegal immigrants and deport them immediately, and admit only legal immigrants who are open, ready and willing to embrace Patria’s non-violent values, Vedic culture and Hindu heritage. Going forward into the Fourth Session, there must be no amnesty or path to citizenship for illegal immigrants. Citizenship in Patria, whether by birth or naturalization, is a privilege and not a right.

 Another macro-national issue, gay marriage, has remained a hot-button issue over the course of this session. Same-sex marriages have been legal in Canada for some time and may be coming soon to several American states, as just the other day the US Supreme Court struck down the so-called Defense of Marriage Act. But here in Patria, while there is zero tolerance for discrimination against gays and lesbians in employment, public acommodations and the like, and the cowards who perpetrate homophobic acts of violence against gays and lesbians will be vigorously prosecuted and severely punished, marriage must remain a sacred bond and lifetime commitment between a man and a woman, and only between a man and a woman. If someday the Supreme Court of Patria should rule otherwise, you can be assured that no pandit, priest, pastor or rabbi in Patria will ever be required to perform a gay marriage.

 As Congress adjourns for the summer recess, Patria renews the call for non-violent satyagraha. Just as Mahatma Gandhi did in India back in the last century, we call for Patria to rise up and boycott imported garments – in this case to boycott made-in-Bangladesh t-shirts, drawstring pants and the like and the big-box retailers such as Walmart, Joe Fresh and H&M who sell such clothing at a low price in dollars or rupees but at a cost of thousands of human lives, mostly women, lost in the collapse of a gigantic sweatshop factory while working long hours for penny-ante wages in order to satisfy the First World’s demand for bargain-rate fashions. The garment industry’s race to the bottom is a race that Patria should not enter. It is a race whose finish line is in Dhaka, Bangladesh, which perhaps not coincidentally sounds somewhat like “Dachau”. We know of the “hundred mile diet” in which as much as possible of the food we eat is grown with a 100 mile or 62.5 kilometer radius of our homes. In the fight against Bangladeshi imports and in protest against the inhuman working conditions of Bangladeshi sweatshops, to say nothing of the loss of garment industry jobs by the thousands in Patria, Canada, the United States and other first-world democracies, citizens of Patria should adopt the “hundred mile wardrobe” and wear only made-in-Patria clothes, preferably traditional apparel such as kurtas, dhotis and saris, that have been manufactured within a 100 mile radius of home – if not produced at home with fabric spun on a spinning wheel, Gandhi style.

 Although campaigning for the election of 2014 has already begun for all practical purposes, particularly for National Unionists and Swadeshis, the summer between the Third and Fourth Sessions is the more-or-less official beginning of the election campaign for the new Congress. As we all know, on April 19, 2014 we will elect the 50^th Congress, the Congress that will take Patria toward its bicentennial in 2018. The 50^th Congress campaign, which we can follow on Twitter @Patria1818 by using the hashtag #PatriaVotes2014, will not only be considered a referendum on Patria’s economy – or Patria’s handling of the fallout from the GED – but a debate on whether the “Positive Possibilities” platform of the 2010 campaign can remain a viable path for Patria. Going into Campaign 2014, all parties, liberal or conservative, spiritual or secular – from the major players to the single-issue fringe parties and even the single-seat party of ones – must be all-in for the fight against globalism, outsourcing, offshoring and other nefarious job-killing local economy-destroying schemes being plotted in the boardrooms of New York and the lobbies of Washington DC. Patria’s economy must be reclaimed and restructured for the benefit of Patria and Patrienish citizens first, last and above all. After all, this is our Patria, isn’t it? Let us make a pledge to meet in September and bring to this House and to the 50^th Congress campaign trail bold new initiatives to fight the globalists and plutocrats, put Patria first, take back Patria’s economy and bring the jobs home.

Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare closed the Third Session of the 49^th Congress, and call this Congress to re-assemble here on Monday, the 16^th of September 2013, to open the Fourth Session of the 49^th Congress.

2013, XLIX Con. Pat.  The above text is an official transcription, as published in The Congressional Record, June 27, 2013, 3·XLIX

Smack-Off 2013: the Jungle crowns a new King of Smack

Unlike last week's Hack-Off, which was such a bust that it will likely be the last Hack-Off ever, the 19th annual Smack-Off more than lived up to its advance billing. For the Clones (devoted listeners of the Jim Rome Show), the Smack-Off is the highlight of the year or Christmas in June. For the Jungle Party, the Smack-Off is the party caucus for the 2014 election.

The defending 2012 Smack-Off champion Chael Sonnen was unable to repeat. Previous Smack-Off winners such as Vic in NoCal and Brad in Corona couldn't get it done. The new Smack-Off winner - who will almost certainly be near the top of the Jungle Party list on Election Day 2014 and make some noise in the 50th Congress - is a relatively new Jungle fan, who was participating in only his second Smack-Off: Mark in Hollywood.

Top five Smack-Off finishers:

1. Mark in Hollywood
2. Stevie Carbone
3. Vic in NoCal
4. Mike in Indy
5. Chael Sonnen

Others who called: Dave in St. Louis (non-hunter), Dan in DC, Mike in Wichita, Jason in Little Rock, Trapper in Dana Point, Joe in the OC (i.e. Orange County, California), Jason in Fullerton (the former Jungle call screener and talent co-ordinator J-Stew), Brad in Corona and Boatie in Pearland. A number of other legendary callers and former Smack-Off winners such as Doc Mike DiTolla, Terrence in Sierra Madre and Iafrate were notable for their absence. It is possible that some of them tried to call Jim Rome but could not get on the air during the three hours of show time. If the Hack-Off is indeed toast, Patria would like to see the Smack-Off become a two-day event next year. There is more than enough "talent" (using that word loosely) among the Clones to fill six hours of show time.

Hack-Off 2013: no one wins

The 2013 Hack-Off was such a disappointing show that it may be the last one ever. After only four annual editions, Jim Rome is seriously considering killing the Hack-Off for 2014. Several of the best-known and loved Jungle "Hacks" who were invited to participate, such as defending 2012 champion Jolene, did not call. The calls that did make it to air were so uninspiring that apparently no one won the Hack-Off prize of a trip to the Smack-Off and a possible Jungle Party seat in the 50th Congress.

The 2013 gang of Hacks:

• Jason in Ottawa (aka "Star Canadian linebacker") who wanted to be the first caller in and win the thing wire-to-wire, but got the manual buzzer.
• Aaron in Canton
• Lance in Louisville, who attempted a sickly parody of a Neil Sedaka song!
• Ish in Memphis
• Jesus in Chicago
• Casey in Pensacola
• Ryan in Wichita
• Alex in Salt Lake
• Eddie in Boise, who is actually the raison d'être for the Hack-Off, aka the "Eddie in Boise Invitational".
• Fabian in LA

The best that can be said about the Hack-Off was that it got the hashtag #ValKilmer to trend on Twitter.

Listen to 2013 Hack-Off (may require Jungle Insider subscription).