Showing posts with label 50th Congress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 50th Congress. Show all posts

Friday, June 29, 2018

Tenrecs get some love as 50th Congress adjourns "sine die"

On the last sitting day of the 50th Congress, the tenrec has become Patria's official animal symbol. Efforts to designate the tenrec as such go back well over a century, following Patria's failed attempt to claim Madagascar as part of its colonial empire in the 1880s. The Act of Congress noted that the tenrec is to Patria what the beaver is to Canada, the bald eagle is to the US, the kangaroo is to Australia and the kiwi is to New Zealand. Patria's national soccer/football team - if there were a micronational World Cup - could now be nicknamed the Tenrecs.

Following the ratification of the "Tenrec Act", the final act of the lame-duck Congress: debate on Patria's financial health, leading up to the ratification of Patria's fiscal 2019 budget. Traditionally, the budget is the final item to be debated and ratified by Congress before summer adjournment.

At 11:28 PM Patrienish Local Time (PLT) immediately following ratification of the budget (declared by the Clerk of the House to be ratified unanimously) and a call for any further business or member's bills to be brought forward (there were none), the Speaker of the House slammed the gavel on the dais, the Sergeant-at-Arms blew the ceremonial vuvuzela, and the words everyone had been waiting to hear rang through the House chamber: "Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare the Fiftieth Congress of the Inner Realm of Patria adjourned sine die".
Hi, I'm a tenrec. It took over 100 years for Congress to ratify, but I am Patria's official animal!
Tomorrow, June 30, 2018 is Inauguration Day. Ave atque vale, L Con. Pat.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Inaugural Address archive, 1998-2014

Inauguration Day for the 51st Congress-elect is five weeks away, but one of the tasks during the lame duck transition period is to compose a kick-ass Inaugural Address/Speech from the Throne that will be delivered on June 30, 2018. Coinciding with Patria's bicentennial celebration, the upcoming inaugural promises to be the best ever. It may even attract bigger crowds than Donald Trump's inauguration! If it doesn't, at least the weather will be better in Castoropolis on June 30th than in Washington, DC on January 20th.

In the meantime, you can read the transcripts of previous Inaugural Addresses:

2014 - 50th Congress

2010 - 49th Congress

2006 - 48th Congress

2002 - 47th Congress

1998 - 46th Congress

And one more #Patria200 stamp from Patria Post.


Monday, September 18, 2017

As Congress returns from recess, Patria's alt-left does not include Antifa


Patria's Congress has returned from northern hemisphere summer recess to begin the Fourth Session of the Fiftieth Congress (4·L 2017-18). This is the session that will take Patria into its bicentennial celebration (#Patria200) and the next election, on April 21, 2018. (#patriavotes2018, #51stCongress). But rather than crank out a new Twitter hashtag, the first item to be discussed on the floor of the House was how the term "Alt-Left" applies to Patria in the wake of last month's "Unite the Right" rally in Charlottesville, VA in which white supremacists, neo-Nazis, neo-Confederates and other members of the far right violently clashed with leftist opponents such as Antifa.

The phrase "Alt-Left" (in contrast to "Alt-Right", i.e. many of the Donald Trump supporters, white supremacists and other far-right nutbars) came into use in the macronational media in the days following the Charlottesville violence to refer in large measure to the far-left counter protesters such as Antifa, who openly advocated violence and actually incited at least some of the rioting. Antifa (short for anti-Fascist) is actually a patchwork of groups or individuals without leaders, not a single organization. It does not shy away from militant protest methods, including the destruction of property and sometimes physical violence. Of course Patria strongly condemns the disgusting sick far-right thugs who marched in Charlottesville. But Patria does not believe that Antifa holds any moral high ground. Anyone with half a brain would oppose racism and Nazism. Because of its tendency to incite violence and because its members often hide their identities behind masks or disguises (at least most of the far-right thugs in Charlottesville marched openly without disguises or KKK hoods) Antifa is not welcome in Patria. Non-violence and peaceful protest are two of the fundamental principles on which Patria was founded 199 years ago - along with freedom of speech, tolerance for unpopular opinions and of course disdain for all forms of political correctness.

In Patria, "Alt-Left" has been in use since at least late 2016, well before Charlottesville. Today Patria re-affirmed that "Alt-Left" in Patria does not include the violent thugs and militant loose ends of Antifa. Patria's version of the Alt-Left is old-school democratic socialism as advocated by Bernie Sanders, Jeremy Corbyn and in Canada in the 1940s by Tommy Douglas, along with freedom of thought, freedom of speech and - last but far from least - freedom from the PC thought police. In Patria, all lives matter. In Patria, skin color is irrelevant as long as your skin is thick. In Patria, there is little tolerance for dour, joyless social justice warriors who can't seem to take a joke. In Patria, there are no safe spaces or refuges from so-called micro-aggressions. In Patria, if you actually believe for example that the white race is superior to all other races or that slavery was not such a bad thing, and you are able to state your thesis coherently, in literate English (or Patrienish), in a moderate tone of voice, without advocating or resorting to violence, and without the costumes and regalia of a failed state that was decisively defeated on the battlefield in 1945 or 1865, there will be a place for your argument in the public square. Of course, you will be condemned and immediately refuted, but go ahead and make your views known in the Inner Realm and see if anyone is stupid enough or sick enough to come on side and join your movement.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Third Session wraps for summer recess, Campaign 2018 is underway!

The Third Session of Patria's 50th Congress (3·L 2016-17) adjourned today for the summer recess. The traditional Annual Message summarizing the activities and achievements of Patria over the course of the academic/congressional year (as well as a de facto launch of the 51st Congress election campaign and Patria's bicentennial celebration in 2018) was delivered by the Speaker Pro Tem. The Fourth Session (4·L 2017-18) will convene on September 18. Transcript of the Annual Message to Congress follows.
Bhagavan Kripalu manelo sharane. Aavi ubho chun huñ to tava charane. Divine Compassionate One, my refuge, I have come to stand forever at your feet. As the Third Session of the Fiftieth Congress began, so it ends: with salutations and prostrations at the Divine Mother’s lotus feet. With Her blessings, the Fiftieth Congressus Patriaë has served three quarters of its term of office.
As per tradition, the final act of Congress prior to the summer recess is the ratification of Patria’s fiscal 2018 budget. Once again to the dismay of Republicans in the US and National Unionists here in Patria, this budget contains appropriate funding for health care, infrastructure improvements such as power grids and sanitation systems, which in some parts of Castoropolis within walking distance of the Capitol still date from the 1890s, public transit as the Castoropolis Metro celebrates its centenary as the capital’s subway system, education from grade school to university and specialized technical training, restoration of temples, shrines and other heritage public buildings, as well as the various social programs that conservatives of all stripes dread, but that nonetheless help make Patria a better place to be than the United States under Donald Trump.
As we know, Patria takes no position on macronational affairs such as Justin Trudeau’s broken promise of electoral reform that would have put an end to first-past-the-post in Canada and the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States. Nonetheless, let it be stated once again that Patria had never officially endorsed either Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton and would not have preferred that Ms. Clinton – an evil, amoral one-percent plutocrat if ever there was one – had been elected to succeed Barack Obama. Mr. Trump’s election and the embarrassment, bluster, lies and deception that have ensued since his inauguration on January 20 are issues for the American people to deal with. Patria is merely a bystander, unrecognized by Rex Tillerson’s US State Department anyway. 
On the first day of this session last September, Patria ratified the Marine Arctic Peace Sanctuary or MAPS treaty, intended to designate all ocean waters north of the Arctic Circle as a marine protected area free from natural resource exploitation, commercialization and military activity. MAPS is perhaps the best chance to protect one of the planet's most fragile ecosystems. It is Patria's goal that real-world macro-national governments such as Canada, the United Kingdom and even the United States will ratify MAPS in the near future. 
On February 13, Patria celebrated World Radio Day: a day that not only recognizes the value of radio in our daily life but serves as a call to preserve century-old terrestrial hertzian-wave broadcasting as an indispensible means of communication, particularly in times of war, revolution or natural disaster. In such times, it will be your battery or solar-powered radio – not your smartphone or tablet – that will serve as your essential source of news and information, beyond the reach of censors and impervious to power outages or collapse of the cyber-infrastructure. While lamenting the demise of international shortwave broadcasters, such as Radio Australia, which went dark at the end of January, Patria is committed to keeping AM or medium wave on the air as a vital piece of the broadcasting spectrum, providing full service and relevant made-in-Patria news, sports, entertainment and public affairs programming for all Patria. 
In the one year remaining in the 50th Congress term of office, nationalism, populism, rejection of the elites and the plutocracy, as well as Patria First economic protectionism are far from taboo topics, particularly when advocated by the dissident left or alt-left. The streets and public squares, the halls of Congress, as well as the print and broadcast media in Patria will continue to serve as forums for non-violent dissident voices and unpopular or politically incorrect opinions. While remaining firmly committed to liberal social democracy, or democratic socialism such as propounded by Bernie Sanders and Jeremy Corbyn, Patria will not cave in to the politically correct thought police and cultural Marxists that proliferate among the mainstream or orthodox left. Patria was founded two centuries ago on the principles of constitutionally protected free speech, free thought, open debate, mature inquiry and peaceful protest. Cowardly attacks and assaults against anyone, motivated by a person’s race, religion, sexual orientation, political views or any other factors, will be vigorously prosecuted and dealt with to the full extent of the law. But the fear that anyone can be harmed by thoughts, arguments, historical monuments or even song lyrics is laughable. The Inner Realm is not a safe space to hide from so-called micro-aggressions and it is not a place for overly sensitive, easily-offended, thin-skinned snowflakes, particularly on college campuses. 
On the other side of this summer recess: the campaign for the Fifty-first Congress – election day is April 21, 2018 – and Patria’s bicentennial celebrations. How Patria’s bicentennial – using the hashtag #Patria200 – will be celebrated over the course of 2018 remains to be seen and will likely evolve spontaneously with little or no official government planning or funding of so-called bicentennial projects. There will certainly be no micronational World’s Fair on the scale of Expo 67 and no visits from iconic macronational heads of state such as Haile “Lion of Judah” Selassie and Charles “Vive le Québec libre” de Gaulle, who were eager to be seen with Canada’s then-Prime Minister Lester Pearson half a century ago. No flotillas of tall ships as on the Fourth of July 1976. But know this: Patria will not be rocking a catchy kiddie-focused song to celebrate the bicentennial such as Canada sang for its centennial in 1967. Rather than “Ca-na-da” or “Ontari-ari-ari-o” [Ontario’s centennial song, “A Place to Stand”], Patria will celebrate two hundred years as a united federation by making a joyful noise unto the Lord, coming before His presence – and of course, Her presence – with bhajans, kirtan and the chanting of mantras. From Om Namah Shivaya to Hari Bol and Jai Ambe, and of course Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya, Patria will sing the praises of the Devis and Devas, as well as the Kripalu lineage, whose blessings have allowed this Inner Realm to grow and thrive since 1818. 
As per unwritten tradition, the closing of the Third Session marks the unofficial start of the election campaign for the new Congress. As the race for the Fifty First Congress gathers steam during the Fourth Session, Twitter will once again be the primary means of campaigning by all of Patria’s parties. In the months leading up to Election Day next April, you can follow the campaign @Patriavotes2018. 
For those souls who have passed out of physical body during this session, such as those murdered by evil Islamic State cowards in London and Manchester, England, let us say lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu. Let us make a pledge to meet in September and seal it with Amma’s kisses. Om Sri Gurubhyo Namah. Hari Om.
Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare closed the Third Session of the Fiftieth Congress, and call this Congress to re-assemble here on Monday, 18 September 2017, to open the Fourth Session of the Fiftieth Congress.

Monday, September 19, 2016

Patria signs on to MAPS as Congress returns from summer recess

The surest sign that summer is over in Patria: Congress resumes sitting, following the traditional northern hemisphere summer recess (apologies to micro-nationalists in Australia, New Zealand, Argentina and other southern hemisphere countries). The Third Session of the 50th Congress (3·L 2016-17) was declared open by the Sergeant-at-Arms and Speaker Pro Tem of the House, blowing the vuvuzela and rapping the gavel respectively. One of the first items on the Third Session's order paper was Patria's ratification of the macro-national Marine Arctic Peace Sanctuary (MAPS) treaty.


The Marine Arctic Peace Sanctuary, which has been championed by Patria's "Positive Possibilities Lady" Parvati Devi, establishes all ocean waters north of the Arctic Circle as a marine protected area free from natural resource exploitation, commercialization and military activity. MAPS boldly addresses many key and pivotal climate crisis issues with one single, no cost, immediately realizable solution.

MAPS not only:
  • Protects the fragile Arctic ecosystem, which is key to keeping our planet cool and helping prevent natural disasters such as forest fires, floods and droughts
  • Shelters our oceans and ocean life, which absorb a quarter of the world’s carbon and are essential for the future of humanity
  • Safeguards the polar ice caps, which put the brakes on global warming through the albedo effect, by stopping through traffic of cargo ships and naval vessels.
MAPS also:
  • Declares our global commitment to sustainable energies and our cessation of the use of fossil fuels by saying “no” to the unburnable oil resources in the Arctic
  • Unites world leaders in agreement that the needs of the collective are equal to the needs of the individual, no longer putting short-term gain ahead of long-term consequence.
Patria calls on all member-states of the United Nations (i.e. real-world macro-nations) to ratify the MAPS treaty immediately. Although Patria is an unrecognized micro-nation, it shares the same planet with Canada, the US and almost 200 other UN members. Patria has signed on to MAPS. You should too! Sign the petition here!

Friday, June 24, 2016

"Jill not Hill" as Congress recesses at mid-term

Patria's 50th Congress (2·L 2015-16) reached the midpoint of its term of office. As Congress adjourned for the summer recess until September 19, 2016 (3·L 2016-17), the traditional Annual Message to Congress was delivered. Although Patria does not endorse candidates in macro-national elections, the address includes an unofficial endorsement in the US presidential election. And it's not Hillary!

The following is the transcription of the Annual Message:
Om vighna nashinyai namah. Adorations to the Mother who destroys all obstacles.  As the Second Session of the 50th Congress began, so it ends: with salutations and prostrations at the Divine Mother’s lotus feet. With Her blessings, the Fiftieth Congressus Patriaë has reached the midpoint of its term of office.
Over the course of the Second Session, as had been the intention on Inauguration Day two years ago, a more liberal Patria has taken root. A Patria that has let go of the “safe place for social conservatives”, “modest dress for women” and other tired, lame cliché slogans and is open, ready and willing to be completely restructured around the Positive Possibilities that were first elaborated by the Amrita Party, Chakra Party and others in 2010 and that took root in Canada during this session when the election of Justin Trudeau as Prime Minister swept away the dark ignorance of the Harper era. While on the topic of Positive Possibilities, it is worth noting that Parvati’s new song I am Light that debuted in March continues to sell well and gain radio airplay in Patria.
As per tradition, the final act of the session was the ratification vote of Patria’s fiscal 2017 budget. This budget, passed just minutes ago, contains funding for the usual social programs, from free lunches for grade school kids to subsidized tuition for university and college students, that economic and paleo-conservatives, National Unionists and US Republicans decry as “socialism” and “tax and spend” handouts. But even National Unionists travel by train and wish to do so safely; thus the budget also includes sufficient funding to maintain and upgrade Patria’s passenger rail infrastructure, including the installation of Positive Train Control on all trains – from lowly milk-runs to the superfast express trains that link Castoropolis with the precinct capitals. 
The budget also notes that the Reserve Bank of Patria will take appropriate measures if necessary to prop up the Patrienish Rupee, should the value of Patria’s currency be dragged down along with the British Pound Sterling following the decision in the United Kingdom yesterday to withdraw from the European Union. Patria, of course, did not endorse either the “Leave” or “Remain” side in the UK referendum, but does support the right to self-determination and independence of Scotland and Wales, as well as micronations within the United Kingdom such as Sealand. 
Patria generally does not endorse candidates or parties in foreign or macro-national elections. But over the course of the Second Session, as America votes in November and US citizens in Patria take the necessary steps to register and obtain absentee ballots, Patria has been enthusiastically and fervently supporting the campaign of Bernie Sanders for the Democratic Party’s nomination as the next President of the United States. Although the window of opportunity has virtually run out for the Senator from Vermont as Hillary Clinton has now clinched – or should we say rigged – the party’s nomination, Patria nonetheless unofficially endorses Mr. Sanders should he decide to run as an Independent or Third Party candidate. Failing the opportunity to “Feel the Bern”, Patria will unofficially endorse Jill Stein of the Green Party and the battle cry of “Jill not Hill!” (or hashtag #JillnotHill) will reverberate throughout the Inner Realm going forward into the Third Session.
Of course Patria strongly hopes to see a woman someday be elected President of the United States. Perhaps Elizabeth Warren in 2020. Or Tulsi Gabbard  in, say, 2032. But not Hillary Clinton in 2016. Over the course of the primaries and caucuses from New Hampshire in February until California early this month, we often heard that Ms. Clinton is more “experienced”, having served as a Senator and Secretary of State as well as First Lady. Indeed, she does have quite an impressive resumé. But in 1856, James Buchanan had also served as a Senator and Secretary of State, as well as United States ambassador to Russia, and turned out to be arguably the worst President ever, who did virtually nothing to prevent the impending Civil War. We heard that Ms. Clinton “got more done” during her tenure in the US Senate, when in fact she managed to pass only three inconsequential pieces of legislation, such as renaming a post office. Compare this with some of Bernie Sanders' accomplishments over more than two decades in Congress – from treating autism in the military to getting tough on child labor and exposing corruption in the military-industrial complex – which he achieved by building unusual but effective coalitions with Democrats and Republicans alike. We heard that Ms. Clinton is more “practical”, “pragmatic” and has “more realistic goals” than Mr. Sanders. But America and indeed the macro-world can do better in 2016 than baby-steps pragmatism and “incremental” change. Know this: no one has ever changed the world by being practical, sticking to realistic goals or maintaining the status quo. Such a world, where those in roles of leadership are unable or unwilling to create real change, would offer little more than a dull, beige existence. It would be a world where Mahatma Gandhi would have become a moderately successful trial lawyer, Nelson Mandela would have died in prison and Martin Luther King Jr. would have been preaching to the Ebenezer Baptist Church choir. Finally, we heard that in the upcoming election in November, we must hold our noses or put on blindfolds and vote for Ms. Clinton as she is the “lesser of two evils”. Not only is this an extremely tired, lame cliché (as everyone knows, the lesser of two evils is still evil), but Patria could make a good argument that Ms. Clinton is more evil than Donald Trump. Mr. Trump is simply a blustering, overweight buffoon, like the late former Mayor of Toronto Rob Ford, who would make America a laughing stock rather than great again. But at least Mr. Trump is not a tired old member of the status quo Republican establishment like Jeb Bush or Mitt Romney. Ms. Clinton is not only as establishment and status quo as it gets but is an amoral billionaire who can earn more money for a single dinner party or speaking engagement than Mr. Sanders earns in an entire year, a one-percent plutocrat and corporate shill whose principles are dictated by those to whom she is beholden: the Wall Street corporate suits and banksters, Big Oil, Big Pharma, the prison-industrial complex and the war machine of the military-industrial complex. Even one of the Koch Brothers has come out in favor of a second Clinton administration. Ms. Clinton claims to be “liberal” or “progressive” but supported Barry Goldwater in 1964 while Bernie Sanders was marching on the front lines of the civil rights movement. She has constantly flip-flopped on issues such as same-sex marriage and has done virtually nothing to advance the cause of true liberalism or progressive democratic socialism. She has never met a war she didn’t like and counts among her close friends and confidants the tired old Cold Warrior Henry Kissinger. If your loved ones who joined the military and deployed overseas have returned to America in body bags, with missing limbs, or a lifetime of battlefield trauma, you can blame her support of George W. Bush’s war in Iraq. If your job has disappeared, offshored to Mexico or China, and you are unable to find a meaningful job that offers even half the wages of your old one, you can blame her support of NAFTA and the Trans-Pacific Partnership. If you have been needlessly incarcerated for a petty, non-violent crime – or even no crime at all – you can blame her support of the failed war on drugs and the private prison industry.
With the belief that America can and must do better than either Mr. Trump or Ms. Clinton, as Jim Rome’s Jungle Party Clones await Smack Off XXII on July 1, and as Patria says lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu in memory of those who passed away earlier this month – Muhammad Ali, Gordie Howe and the 49 lives brutally snuffed out in Orlando, Florida – let us wrap up the work of this session. Going forward into the second half of the 50th Congress and towards Patria’s bicentennial celebrations in 2018 let us move beyond our preconceived notions and attachments and open to the wonders of life. Gone, gone, beyond in the words of the Buddhist Sutra: gate gate pāragate pārasamgate bodhi svāhā!
Om Sri Gurubhyo Namah. Hari Om.
Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare closed the Second Session of the 50th Congress, and call this Congress to re-assemble here on Monday, the 19th of September 2016, to open the Third Session of the 50th Congress.
Jill Stein - Patria's unofficial endorsement to succeed Barack Obama as US President.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Between Patriot's Day and Patria Day

Patria's bicentennial is coming! What are you doing for 2018?
The ten weeks between Patriot's Day (third Monday in April) and Patria Day (June 30, Patria's birthday in 1818, celebrated as both Independence and Inauguration Day) are a special time in Patria. Every fourth year, in a World Cup year (e.g. 2010, 2014, 2018) Patria elects a new Congressus Patriaë on Patriot's Day weekend and the new Congress takes office on June 30. But even in non-election mid-term years such as 2016, when there is no lame-duck session of an administration counting down the days in office and attempting to cement its legacy or seek its crown-jewel achievement, there is nonetheless still a flurry of activity at the Capitol in Castoropolis - a "race to the gavel", until the day in late June when Patria's fiscal 2017 budget is ratified, the annual Message to Congress is delivered, and the Speaker of the House whacks his or her gavel to adjourn the Second Session of the 50th Congress for the northern hemisphere summer recess.

Citizens of Patria are enjoined to devote these two and a half months, as spring takes root and winter is gone and hopefully forgotten, to reinforcing and recommitting to one's sadhana (spiritual practices such as yoga, mantra recitation and meditation), self-care and seeking out gentle, nurturing daily activities that are vital, rooted and expansive (or that bring about feelings of same). One such activity is getting the blessings of both Amma Amritanandamayi and Amma Karunamayi during their summer tours, and doing seva in preparation for and during the Divine Mother's retreats and public programs.

With Patria's bicentennial celebration less than two years away, this is also a time to consider and begin planning a special project or "scratch off the bucket list" event for 2018.

Finally, for the Jungle Party and Jim Rome's loyal army of Clones in Patria who listen on PMBC-1152, this is the season for the Smack-Off, an annual competition in which select listeners are invited to provide their best “Smack Talk.” The contest is a way to recognize the best callers to the show, as well as a means of determining the best caller of the year. Smack Off XXII will be held on Canada Day, July 1.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Patria ratifies "COP21" climate change deal

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, French President François Hollande and other macro-world leaders celebrate the climate deal reached in Paris.
Climate change affects unrecognized microstates just as much as it affects Canada, the United States and other real-world macrostates. Consequently, notwithstanding a dissident voice from Australia claiming that climate change is a UN hoax in order to impose an authoritarian New World Order, Patria's 50th Congress has ratified the "COP21" Paris climate accord that US President Barack Obama considers "the best chance we have to save the one planet we have". The deal, reached after two weeks of negotiations among almost 200 recognized macro-world countries, aims to curb global warming to less than 2ºC (3.6ºF) by the end of the century.

The key measures in the agreement, which is mostly voluntary and not legally binding, include

• To peak greenhouse gas emissions as soon as possible and achieve a balance between sources and sinks of greenhouse gases in the second half of this century

• To keep global temperature increase "well below" 2C (3.6F) and to pursue efforts to limit it to 1.5C

• To review progress every five years

• $100 billion (USD) a year in climate finance for developing countries by 2020, with a commitment to further finance in the future.

As in most of the real macro-world, climate change (not necessarily "global warming", as some of the changes such as melting polar ice caps can cause colder winters and increased snowfall) is recognized as a serious, hot-button issue in Patria, though there is some question as to whether climate change is caused by human activity, is naturally caused, or is an act of God. Human-caused climate change skeptics in Patria and elsewhere note that there is even evidence of climate change on Mars, which is apparently not being blamed on the Martians.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Mother Meera's silent blessing opens new session of Congress

On the day designated by the United Nations as the International Day of Peace, the Second Session, Fiftieth Congress (2·L 2015-16) opened without the traditional Speaker of the House banging the gavel on the dais or the Sergeant-at-Arms blowing the Congressional Bugle (more like a vuvuzela left over from the 2010 World Cup) to summon lawmakers into the House. In keeping with the Peace Day theme, the session was declared open with a silent blessing by Mother Meera, an incarnation of the Divine Mother like Ammachi and Karunamayi. But unlike the two Ammas, Mother Meera does not hold office in Patria such as Governor-General or House Leader of the Amrita Party. She also does not sing bhajans or speak publicly, but gives darshan in total silence. So there was no Speech from the Throne to open the new session. And no Ammachi hugs either.

I don't always visit Patria. But when I do, I open a new session of Congress. Stay bhakti, my friends!

On the Second Session's order paper are more of what conservatives and US Republicans love to demonize as "tax and spend" programs. And there will likely be some attempt to prop up the Patrienish Rupee, which - like the Indian Rupee and Canadian Dollar - has been falling against the mighty US buck. But there will be no endorsement of any party or potential Prime Minister (i.e. Stephen Harper, Thomas Mulcair, Justin Trudeau, or even Elizabeth May's Green Party of one) in Canada's federal election on October 19.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

One year in office: 50th Congress adjourns for summer recess


The First Session of Patria's 50th Congress (1·L 2014-15) adjourned today, following ratification of Patria's fiscal 2016 budget. The traditional Annual Message to Congress was delivered as the last function of Congress immediately prior to the Speaker of the House banging the gavel and blowing the vuvuzela to declare the House adjourned for the northern hemisphere summer:
Om anavadyangyai namah. Salutations to the Divine Mother whose body is worthy of worship. With the Divine Mother’s blessings, the 50th Congressus Patriaë has come to the end of its first year in office. This session ends as it began – at the lotus feet of Amma Sri Karunamayi. As the Speaker of the House, Amma Karunamayi has kept peace and order on the floor of Congress. As a sadguru, her teachings have been an inspiration on the path of Sanatan Dharma. As an incarnation of Mother Saraswati, her spoken words and songs have brought life and light to the soul of all Patria even as Stephen Harper’s henchmen or Canadian border security authorities, possibly acting on orders from Canada’s spy service, apparently turned her away as she was about to bless her Toronto children. Jai Karunamayi!
In keeping with Patria’s traditions and congressional protocol, the last act of the First Session just moments ago was the ratification of Patria’s fiscal 2016 budget. It is thus duly noted that over the course of this session, Patria’s economy has improved to some extent. By pure statistics alone, the unemployment rate has fallen even if the jobs that have been created are less than ideal: short-term, contract positions or joblets that only throw those who accept such positions back on the unemployment rolls in short order, while the so-called permanent positions are mostly sub-entry level, minimum wage and with little job security or possibility for advancement. To state the obvious, we are still very short of the full recovery that was promised in the election campaign of one year ago. But as we know, over the course of a quarter century since the Dharmic Revolution, Patria is committed to offering its citizens more than simply “recovery” or subsistence-level dead-end jobs, while cutting “waste” or “gravy” in order to appease the bean counters, elites and plutocrats. This is why the austerity of the 49th Congress, presumably in response to the global economic downturn that began in 2008-09, proved to be such a failed policy. As Amma recently said, “if the economic advancement of a nation fails to ensure well-being and happiness to its citizens, it should be assumed that there is a serious flaw in the process”. Whether a superpower like the United States, an emerging power like India, or an unrecognized micro-state like Patria, a nation’s growth should be measured in more than the numbers of its gross domestic product. To quote the Amrita Party leader again, “money alone cannot ensure happiness, which needs ethics and cultural values. Otherwise, it would be like putting makeup on a dead body”.
Along with the trillion-rupee economic stimuli, funding for social programs and the other components of a compassionate, progressive realm, the budget ratified today also includes appropriations for the celebration of “Ramrajyavarsham 200”, Patria’s bicentennial celebrations in 2018. On this day, one of the official bicentennial logos for the local and national celebrations has been released (and is viewable above).
As the 2014 election campaign sent the message that Patria would no longer be a safe place for social conservatives, Patria has indeed turned away from Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Pat Buchanan and other mostly imported-from-America voices that would have taken Patria back to the 1950s rather than into the second decade of the twenty-first century. The tired war horses and hoary talking points of the social conservatives, such as opposition to same-sex marriage or advocating modest dress for women, are fading from Patria’s public squares and AM radio airwaves. Those who continue to push for restricted access to abortion, marriage only between a man and a woman, or abstinence-only sex education in grade school will prove to be on the wrong side of history, in Patria at least.
As the social conservatives were in retreat in 2014-15, the law and order conservatives have also become increasingly irrelevant over the course of this session. Nothwithstanding the National Union’s unrelenting push for mass incarceration, longer prison sentences, three-strikes-you’re-out mandatory life sentences for repeat offenders and a return to the death penalty, resistance is growing in Patria to the US-style prison industrial complex, also known as the “new Jim Crow”, filling cell blocks with mostly non-white males who – in America at least – become a permanent underclass, denied the right to vote and often virtually unemployable long after their release from prison. This session has taken action to ensure that privately operated for-profit prisons, whose bottom line is a steady supply of small fry caught in the failed war on drugs, must not proliferate in Patria.
Along with banning private prisons, Patria has said no to the literal definition of a police state – a state with a visible police presence on the street, where the police forces of major cities and even suburbs constitute an unaccountable above-the-law armed force equipped with more deadly firepower than the real Army. Wearing a badge and carrying a gun do not make police officers above the laws they are tasked to enforce. The police must not become a privileged elite corps or gang of bullies accountable only to themselves. No one in Patria – and certainly not in America – should be naive enough to believe that “if you are not breaking the law you have nothing to fear from the police”, or that simply having white skin will protect them from being falsely arrested, jailed without charges, bullied, beaten or even killed in cold blood by rogue police officers.
Even as Congress adjourns, the Jungle Party caucus awaits its most anticipated day of the year: the 2015 Smack-Off. Much of Patria will tune in to the Jim Rome show tomorrow, in Castoropolis on PMBC AM 1152, or will listen via Jungle Insider, to find out if Mike in Indy and Chael Sonnen can defend their shared king of smack title and take home the winner-take-all $5000 cash prize, and if not, whether the new Smack-Off champion will be a previous Smack-Off winner such as Brad in Corona, a sitting member of the Jungle Party caucus or a potential representative in the election of 2018.
And so the time has come; let us make a pledge to meet in September. As is traditional, this session is adjourned with a brief prayer, and a moment of silent reflection for those who have lost their lives during the course of this session as a result of war, terrorist acts, disasters or senseless violence, from Nepal to Charleston, South Carolina:
Lokah samasthah sukhino bhavantu.
Asato ma sad gamaya
Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya
Mrityor ma amritam gamaya. 
Hari Om.  Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.
Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare closed the First Session of the 50th Congress, and call this Congress to re-assemble here on Monday, 21 September 2015, to open the Second Session of the 50th Congress. 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Six months in office for 50th Congress as 2014 circles the drain

"Year in reviews" are the death and taxes of the last week in December. They proliferate on print, broadcast, online and social media. Most are quite lame, tired, uninspired, or even downright insensitive, as Facebook had to apologize to some users for its algorithmically-generated year in reviews that highlighted deceased loved ones and other personal tragedies. Although the standard Gregorian (A.D.) calendar is used in Patria, January 1 has little significance as the start of a new year other than on paper. For all practical purposes, the "year" in Patria begins in September, with the opening of the new session of Congress - not to mention Rosh Hashanah, Navratri and the kids going back to school.

Nonetheless, as 2014 circles the drain and the 50th Congress marks six month in office, there are a few notable events of the last twelve months in Patria:

  • The election of 2014 that re-affirmed Patria's commitment to more liberal, progressive values and rejected hard-line "Patria first" economic nationalism as well as the National Union's manly values.
  • Two days before election day, the Supreme Court of Patria threw out the ban on same-sex marriages, although no gay marriages actually took place in Patria in 2014. Patria is no longer a "safe place for social conservatives".
  • Live kirtan performance by Krishna Das at Patria's 50th Congress-elect Inauguration retreat (aka Bhakti Fest Midwest).
  • A memorable 50th Congress Inauguration ceremony. No one complained that the snobby, elitist Inaugural Ball was cancelled.
  • Being with Amma for Guru Purnima on her summer tour a few days after the inaugural.
And so, onward to 2015. Happy new year to those who actually celebrate it. New Year's resolutions are incredibly lame. Virtually no one bothers with them in Patria. If you go to a gym in Patria during the first week or two of January, it won't be overcrowded with losers trying to keep their weight loss resolutions.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Back to school as Congress returns from summer recess

Patria's new 50th Congress has returned from post-inaugural summer recess to begin its traditional September-to-June session. As the Sergeant-at-Arms called out "The House shall assemble!" and the Speaker Pro Tem banged the gavel on the dais, the First Session, Fiftieth Congress (1·L 2014-15) was officially underway. A more liberal agenda on the order paper can be expected, given the Social Democrats' beefed-up representation and the National Union being reduced almost to fringe or niche status.

Along with the new session of Congress, a new academic year also begins. For incoming university and college frosh, most of whom were born in 1996, there are many things, such as VHS videos, electric typewriters and 35 mm film cameras, that they are too young to recall. Around this time each year, Beloit College, a small liberal arts school in Wisconsin, publishes a "Mindset List" providing a look at the cultural touchstones and experiences that have shaped the worldview of students entering colleges and universities in the fall. Following are some of the highlights of Beloit's Mindset List for the class of 2018:
  • During their initial weeks of kindergarten, they were upset by endlessly repeated images of planes blasting into the World Trade Center.
  • Since they binge-watch their favorite TV shows, they might like to binge-watch the video portions of their courses too.
  • When they see wire-rimmed glasses, they think Harry Potter, not John Lennon.
  • “Press pound” on the phone is now translated as “hit hashtag.”
  • Celebrity “selfies” are far cooler than autographs.
  • They have probably never used Netscape as their web browser.
  • Hong Kong has always been part of China.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

50th Congress campaign in a Batman meme nutshell

Social conservatives got bitch-slapped during Patria's 2014 election campaign! "Modest dress for women" had been a tired old icon in Patria for decades. Two days before election day, the Supreme Court of Patria threw out the ban on same-sex marriage.


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

First act of new Congress: summer recess

Nice inaugural celebration, Patria. See you in September!
Following the inaugural puja, oath of office, Inaugural Address/Speech from the Throne (q.v.), Congressional lunch and inaugural parade through downtown Castoropolis, the first act of the 50th Congress  - after the official administrivia of naming a House Speaker pro tem, acting Minister of External Affairs, Secretary of the Interior and other so-called cabinet positions - was to adjourn for the traditional summer recess. The First Session of the 50th Congress (1·L 2014-15) will convene on Sept. 15. Patria's Congress is strictly a September-to-June body, paralleling the school year. Congressional sessions during the months of July and August are extremely rare.

Inaugural Ball? Here it is!
Although a US-style formal Inaugural Ball had been part of Patria's previous Inauguration Days, there was no such event in 2014. It didn't seem appropriate to hold an Inaugural Ball in light of the 49th Congress austerity budgets, Patria's generally shaky economy, and an Inaugural Address than slammed "soulless plutocrats and amoral one-percenter privateers". Not to mention that it is an extremely uncomfortable event for Aspies, who likely wouldn't be able to find a date to bring to the ball and hate dressing up in formal attire. (BTW, the uniform of the day for the inaugural ceremony was satsang whites or traditional Hindu: saris for the girls, dhotis and kurtas for the guys.)

Monday, June 30, 2014

50th Congress Inaugural Address

The following is a transcription of the Inaugural Address/Speech from the Throne, delivered shortly after 12:00 noon on June 30, 2014

 Om gam ganapataye namaha. Sahana vavatu, saha nau bhunaktu, saha viryam karavavahai, tejasvi navadhitam astu, ma vidvishavahai. Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

 Mr. Chief Justice, members of the Fiftieth Congress, all those who served in the Forty-ninth Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens of Patria, embodiments of divine souls, Amma’s beloved children: Hari Bol, Om Namah Shivaya, Jai Bhagwan and blessings of the Holy Mother and the lineage of Divine Masters.

The oath of office that you heard sworn just a few moments ago is the same oath that was taken on this day in 1914. A century ago today, as the Twenty-Fifth Congress was inaugurated, we read in the Patria Gazette or Castoropolis Chronicle the accounts of the assassination of an obscure heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne and doubted that any nation would be willing to go to war over such an event. We likely believed that if war did break out in the summer of 1914, the conflict would be short, with limited casualties, and would not destroy a generation of the world’s youth, overthrow some of the macro-world’s mightiest empires, or become the breeding ground of a deadly flu epidemic. Who would have known on this day in 1914 that the death of an Archduke that few of our fellow citizens had heard of, in a country that few could find on a map, would plunge the world into four years of brutal, bitter war, four years of utterly senseless fratricidal slaughter of soldiers and civilians alike – a global war that had never been experienced in the history of warfare and that thanks to a peace treaty tainted with vindictiveness toward the alleged aggressors would be experienced again, on an even larger scale, only two short decades later. Therefore, on this centennial anniversary, let us pause briefly to remember those who sacrificed their lives amid the trenches and poison gas of the Great War. Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu.

Of course the Great War of 1914-1918 did not prove to be the “war to end all wars”. And likewise the Great Recession of 2008 will not be known as the “recession to end all recessions”. Indeed, for a fair portion of Patria the downturn is still continuing. The Swadeshi Ramrajya’s exhortations to take back the economy resonate as strongly today as in 2010. Many of our citizens have faced four long years of unemployment, wire to wire in the previous administration. Jobless statistics today may look better than four years ago only because an untold number have disappeared from the unemployment rolls not because they have stopped looking for work but because they have decided out of desperation to take part-time jobs, low-skill dead-end jobs, or subsistence-level jobs that pay substantially less than their pre-downturn salary, if not minimum wage. From the shuttered factories of the Rust Belt in Centralia to the empty cubicles of abandoned office parks in suburban Caesarea, so much of Patria is still awaiting the long-promised recovery, still asking “where are the jobs?” The nefarious macro-world forces of globalization, offshoring and free trade are only partially to blame. Within Patria there is no lack of heartless, spineless bean counters in the executive suites who did not hesitate to export jobs to China and throw Patrienish citizens out of work by the thousands if doing so would turn healthy profits and enrich their shareholders. The made-in-Patria economy, the SRM’s calls to put Patria first and bring the jobs home, the rejection of globalism, can only succeed when Congress ceases to act as an army of mercenaries fighting on behalf of the corporate elite. Now is the time to end once and for all corporate welfare and tax breaks for the plutocracy. Now is the time for Congress to enact a minimum wage of 570 rupees an hour, approximately 15 US dollars, the hourly minimum wage that was recently passed in Seattle, Washington. This new Congress must enact appropriate legislation in order to ensure a level playing field and fair play for the manufacturing industries, along with living wages, job security and access to advanced training for Patria’s working class, who increasingly require specialized technical education or a college degree in order to find work, whereas not long ago there were many well-paying jobs that could be filled with only a high school diploma.

Once again, as it has been referenced on previous inauguration days, Patria must fight the growing gender gap in education. We have long known that from grade school to graduate school, from ABCs to PhDs, girls are excelling, succeeding and achieving on a much higher level than almost all the boys. Girls enter school with a lead on boys, and schools then fail to close the gaps. Instead, they increase. The behavioral advantage that girls have over boys in kindergarten, based on teachers’ assessments of their students, grow even larger by middle school. By high school, even advanced math and science classes – once a male stronghold – now have far more girls than boys. At college graduation ceremonies across Patria this spring, women in caps and gowns vastly outnumbered men. And in an economy that rewards knowledge rather than physical strength, the academic struggles of boys turn into economic struggles. If Patria is to build a better economy and leave the previous decade’s global economic downturn behind, we must solve our boy problems.

The failure of holding boys back so that they enter first grade one year later than girls needs not be elaborated. It is simply a recipe to increase the dropout rate of boys. There is insufficient evidence that single-sex boys-only schools are helping narrow the educational gender gap, let alone transform effete boys into tough National Union men. In this new administration, Patria’s boys – at least those who are academically diligent enough to graduate from high school and be accepted into college – and girls too, of course, should have the opportunity to reap the benefits of beyond-the-classroom learning, spiritual growth, self-awareness, social maturity and all-round expansiveness that can be gained during an academic interregnum between high school senior and college freshman year. The gap year, long a standard practice in the United Kingdom, must become standard in Patria as well. If you, as a twelfth-grader, have studied hard in order to get top grades, played hard in intramurals and varsity sports, and have just learned that you’ve been accepted into the university you had your heart set on, you probably can’t wait for Frosh Week in September. But perhaps you should wait. Our young men and women should not be required to make the transition from high school to university over one short summer, but instead should devote themselves over the course of one calendar year or academic session to a well-structured program that may include macro-world travel, learning foreign languages and absorbing foreign cultures in real-world environments, deepening yoga sadhana, advancing the practice of Sanatan Dharma by spending some time at an ashram such as Amritapuri or Penusila, seva or selfless service at home by doing volunteer work for charitable organizations in the local community, and even the ultimate patriotic duty of military service. In the US, where the gap year has begun to take hold, universities are reporting an increase in GPA, greater engagement in campus life, increased likelihood that students will graduate 'on time' or within four years, and of course greater clarity with career ambitions. For the students who enter university after a gap year, they actually have something interesting to say to their professors and classmates. With such a packed year of life experiences, with the world as their teacher, there's simply much more to share, relate to, and communicate. These personal anecdotes can come out in conversation with faculty, in essays and in job applications, and of course can be shared at the college pub.

The colleges and universities that our post-millennial children enter, in Patria as well in America, are for the most part traditional bastions of liberalism – a chorus of liberal voices from students and faculty alike that is once again making itself heard beyond the campus. As a result of the Supreme Court’s recent decision that Patria’s gay and lesbian citizens must be accorded full and equal rights – including the right to marry the life partner they choose – as well as the growing unpopularity of American-style social conservatism that was evidenced during the 2014 election campaign, Patria is turning away from the old refrain that it must remain “safe for social conservatives”. With the Positive Possibilities coalition being buttressed by the resurgent Social Democrats in the Fiftieth Congress, there can be little doubt that Patria is experiencing a new shift away from economic conservatism, neo-conservatism or paleo-conservatism toward social justice and more liberal or progressive values. These values, of course, had never disappeared from Patria’s Congress and the public square but since the turn of the millennium had been nearly drowned under the now-receding tide of right-wing activism fueled by petty, regressive busybodies who took their marching orders from evangelical Christians, American Tea Party politicians, Rush Limbaugh, and the other rightist AM radio talk show hosts as they set the agenda to re-criminalize abortion, relegate homosexuality to the closet, exalt chastity and abstinence as the only acceptable expressions of sexuality outside of marriage, and keep women swaddled under layers of “modest” clothing. 

Along with the rejection of social conservative values and the now-discredited, oxymoronic “forward to the 1950s” slogan, Patria is no longer a safe place for big-business economic conservatives or corporate conservatives who dominate the US Republican Party to do business. Our armed forces exist only to defend Patria in case of imminent attack, not to fight needless foreign wars on behalf of Big Oil and to keep the military-industrial complex in business. The Koch brothers and ALEC are not welcome to set up shop here. The CEOs of megabanks and transnational corporations without social consciences, whose highest loyalty is the bottom line, are persona non grata in Patria. Let this be Patria’s warning to the banksters and corporate welfare recipients: too big to fail is not too big to jail. As we have seen over the course of the Forty-Ninth Congress, austerity has failed to stimulate Patria’s economy and has brought no benefits to the unemployed, working poor and what remains of the middle class. Therefore, let us move on from that mean-spirited cut-to-the-bone policy. Those who advocate slashing or tax-cutting our way out of recession will ultimately prove to be on the wrong side of public opinion. Through judicious and responsible spending on social programs, this government does have a duty of care for all citizens of Patria, particularly those who are experiencing poverty and misfortune though no fault of their own. Taxes must be maintained at fiscally sound rates and collected for the common good, in order to provide public services and programs that benefit and uplift every man, woman and child in Patria, not cut in order to benefit the soulless plutocrats and amoral one-percenter privateers. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “a great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be great or a democracy”. Nonetheless, even a more liberal or progressive Patria will continue to speak truth to leftist orthodoxy and the tired tenets of political correctness. If it is at all possible in this new Congress, and not an oxymoron, Patria should become a home of grassroots liberal-libertarian or liberal-populist activism – a made-in-Patria version of libertarianism or populism that does not support the hypocrisy of depending on the “free market” to decide all economic issues while relying on extra-constitutional government decrees for social questions that affect consenting adults’ personal lives, such as the right to seek a safe abortion or to marry a partner of the same sex. Patria must continue to stand completely and unflinchingly for free speech and uncensored open debate of even the most controversial, loathsome, distasteful and unpopular views, such as patriotic immigration reform, condemnation of Israeli neo-apartheid as distinct from condemnation of Judaism or individual Jews, whether certain races or ethnicities have higher IQs than others, and America’s role as the macro-world’s judge, jury and executioner. Dissident voices, both right and left, must find a home in the Inner Realm, free from fear of being stamped down by federal authorities and local police. Patria must man the front lines of the battle against the muzzling of politically incorrect thoughts. Patria must take its place in the vanguard of the battle for non-violent expressions of ideas and beliefs that the PC thought police would dare to criminalize. Deeds may be illegal, but thoughts can never be! Die Gedanken sind frei!

 Amid the proliferation of big-government food police and non-government social busybodies, particularly animal-rights zealots, who are quick to pass judgment on our dinner table, eating meat may be one of Patria’s most politically incorrect acts. The many environmental and personal health benefits of a vegetarian diet are duly noted, as are the unsavory aspects of animal slaughter. Nonetheless, vegetarians and vegans do not hold the moral high ground. Neither do organizations such as PETA, who bully and shame meat eaters if not criminalize them outright. Those who claim to profess such a high degree of compassion for animals should afford at least some of that compassion toward their fellow humans. While one should not expect non-vegetarian food at a temple, ashram or yoga retreat – with the possible exception of Kripalu, or what is left of it almost two decades since the ouster of its former resident guru – there is no verse in the Bhagavad Gita or in the other scriptures of Sanatan Dharma that explicitly states “thou shalt not eat meat”. If the teaching of non-violence on the path of Sanatan Dharma consisted only of not eating meat, we would not need the presence of sadgurus such as Amma and Karunamayi or the legacy of great souls such as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King to impart the true meaning of ahimsa. Those who choose to eat moderate amounts of animal protein may have legitimate medical reasons, both Western and Ayurvedic, for doing so. By following the recommendations of their personal physician or Ayurvedic practitioner, or trusting their own inner healer, they are not lacking in personal will power, compassion for animals, care for the environment or commitment to sadhana. Real transformation begins within, not with what is on ones plate. Therefore, moving forward in this new administration, Patria’s message to vegetarians and vegans is to let go of “you are what you eat”, treat people as ethically as you claim to treat animals, and mind your own business about your fellow citizen’s food choices.

Vegetarian or not, one of the main courses on this new administration’s plate is a meaty or juicy celebration of the Inner Realm’s two hundredth birthday in 2018. The Fiftieth Congress shall have the responsibility to plan Patria-wide commemorations and to fund local bicentennial initiatives. The spirit of 1818 is upon us! Plan your bicentennial project now!

On this day Patria also remembers the legacy of the late Pete Seeger, who inscribed on his banjo: “This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender”. From the 1940s until short days before his passing in January of this year at the age of 94, Pete Seeger was deeply involved in nearly every social cause, from labor unions to civil rights, from anti-war protests to the environmental movement. Even if we disagree with Seeger’s political views, such as his ties to the Communist Party, his social activism and musical genius continue to be an inspiration to Patria. From lullabies at mother’s bosom, to sing-songs around the campfire at summer camp, to protest marching chants at university, Patria has grown up with Seeger’s songs. From bringing songs like Guantanamera, Wimoweh and even Raghupate Raghava Raja Ram to the United States to teaching We Shall Overcome to Dr. King, Pete Seeger has truly changed the world, and has done so non-violently, armed only with a banjo and a voice. Though bhajan and kirtan, as well as traditional hymns and folk music, let us take the slogan on Pete Seeger’s banjo to heart in the Fiftieth Congress, as in the words of Psalm 100 we “make a joyful noise unto the Lord” and come before His presence with song. Inspired by Patria’s presence at Bhakti Fest Midwest a few days ago in Madison, Wisconsin, Patria pledges to be in the Bhav and to move the intense heart-opening joyous kirtan experienced one week ago into this Realm’s public squares and halls of government. With voices united, one in spirit, one in fellowship, Patria will sing the names and praises of all the Devas and Devis. Hail to your glory!

As Patria marks a new beginning and places into office a new body of lawmakers, as Patria affirms the strength of its Constitution and promise of its democracy, as Patria reflects on the centenary of the horrific Great War and prepares to celebrate its bicentennial in 2018, let us acknowledge the supreme lawmaker and lawgiver. The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul. The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart. The judgments of the Lord are true, they are righteous altogether. Behold, a good doctrine has been given unto you. Forsake it not. May peace and goodwill prevail among all the inhabitants of this Inner Realm, and may God bless Patria!

 © 2014, L Con. Pat. The above text is an official transcription, preserved in the Archives of Patria. Any re-broadcast, re-transmission or other use of the pictures, descriptions or accounts of this Inauguration ceremony without the express written consent of the Undersecretary for Protocol, Ministry of the Interior and the Ministry of Dharma of Patria is strictly prohibited. Don’t fool with us, boy! We will throw your sorry ass in the slammer!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Smack Off XX: Mike in Indy and Chael Sonnen co-champions

Smack-Off XX, which aired today in Patria on PMBC-1152 and on CBS Sports Network stations all across America, and trended on Twitter with the hashtag #Smackoff20, was the twentieth anniversary edition of the legendary annual competition in which select Jim Rome show listeners are invited to provide their best “Smack Talk.” The contest is a way to recognize the best callers to the show, as well as a means of determining the best caller of the year. Every fourth year in Patria, the Smack-Off also serves to determine the Jungle Party caucus in the new Congress.

The title of "King of Smack" for 2014 is shared, as Mike in Indy and 2012 Smack-Off champion Chael Sonnen joined forces for a unique tag-team call. Defending 2013 champion Mark in Hollywood finished a strong second. The Jungle Party's 28 seats in the 50th Congress-elect (two more seats than the National Union!) are awarded to current and former Smack-Off participants and legendary Clones, as follows:
  1. Jim Rome (House Leader)* - FDC
  2. Jason ("J-Stew") Stewart* - FDC
  3. Vic in NoCal*  - Lazuria
  4. Mike in Indy* - Aeolia
  5. Dr. Mike DiTolla* - Aeolia
  6. Joe in the O.C.* - Caesarea
  7. Iafrate* - Centralia
  8. Jay Mohr* - Centralia
  9. Terrence in Sierra Madre* - Canardiere
  10. Brad in Corona* - Lazuria
  11. Dan in DC* - Arboria
  12. Gino in San Antonio - Antioch
  13. Chael Sonnen - Ambrosia
  14. Lance in Topeka (legendary song-writing Hack) - Centralia
  15. Greg in Vegas* - Nova Columbia
  16. RayRay in Tampa* - Pottsylvania
  17. Rachel in Houston* - Caesarea
  18. Jeff on a car phone in Phoenix* - Haldimania
  19. Stevie Carbone from LMU* - Canardiere
  20. Little Alvin Delloro* - Lazuria
  21. Trapper in Dana Point* - Fredonia
  22. Dave in St. Louis (non-hunter) - Caesarea
  23. Boatie in Pearland - Caesarea
  24. Mike in Wichita - Caesarea
  25. Jason in Little Rock - Caesarea
  26. Silk-Brah - Caesarea
  27. Mark in Hollywood - Nova Columbia
  28. Leff in Laguna (Golden Ticket winner) - Nova Columbia
* Incumbent Jungle Party caucus member from 2010.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Post-Bhakti Fest: be in the lame duck Bhav!

Bhakti Fest - the official pre-inaugural kirtan ball of the 50th Congress-elect - concluded on Sunday (June 22). To use a Jim Rome analogy, Bhakti Fest is the Smack-Off for yoga teachers and kirtan singers: the best of the best, who are there by invite only.

To state the obvious, the yoga classes were totally awesome and the kirtan - headlined by the "chant master of American yoga" Krishna Das - rocked the house. Or the House, as in Patria's 50th Congress-elect, which was given a major infusion of shakti going forward to Inauguration day.

Disclaimer: the views expressed in the following two paragraphs are this blogger's own and do not represent the opinions of the Inner Realm of Patria or the 50th Congress-elect.

Making the trek to Madison, WI were the usual left-over hippies, most of whom were not yet born in the 1960s, sporting dreadlocks and dreadful tattoos. Do these people ever stop to think how lame that ink will look when they're, say, 60 or 70 years old? Or how do they expect to find a job? Unless, of course, they're self-employed, perhaps as the owner of a tattoo shop, in which case they don't have to worry about personal appearance at job interviews. There was no shortage of stereotypical new-agey bliss-blobs, vegan zealots and far-leftists (e.g. women who flaunt unshaven legs and/or underarms to make a political statement), but such demographics are usually expected at events like Bhakti Fest.

What was not expected, at least by Patria, was that the event seemed to be as lily-white as a Tea Party convention. Bhakti Fest might as well have been Caucasian Fest! As far as this blogger could tell, of the thousands in attendance during that weekend in the Wisconsin capital, there couldn't have been more than a handful of Indians (South Asians, not First Nations), and very few African Americans and Latinos as well. This is in stark contrast to the diversity seen at Amma's North American tour programs, where there is always a mix of Indians and Westerners - in some cases a 50-50 mix or a plurality of non-First Worlder White ethnicities.


One of the few non-white faces at Bhakti Fest belonged to Nina Rao, who led the daily chanting of the Hanuman Chalisa.

Having returned from Bhakti Fest and having received Amma's blessings for the new administration, Patria is locked and loaded, infused with the bhav for Inauguration Day on June 30. In the meantime, it's back to work for the lame-duck 49th Congress. There are still at least two more sitting days, and possibly the June 28-29 weekend, in which to ratify Patria's fiscal 2015 budget and get a whack of legislation passed before the Speaker of the House swings the gavel and blows the vuvuzela.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Hey Patria, take five for 50 Ale!

Crack open a cold "Fitty" for the 50th Congress! To virtually no one's surprise, Labatts 50 Ale - a classic Canadian beer brewed under license in Patria - is the official beer of Patria's inauguration celebrations.

Me and the boys and our 50!



50 ("Cinquante") was always more popular in Quebec than in the rest of Canada.



Who doesn't love stubby beer bottles? Classic Canadian, now brewed in Patria!

Monday, April 21, 2014

50th Congress winners and losers, remembering "Hurricane" Carter

The real winner in Patria's election is true democracy. Unlike in Canada's nearly useless first-past-the-post, where so many votes are wasted and elect no one, Patria's proportional representation ensures that virtually every party on the ballot will obtain representation in Congress, even if only a single seat.

Although they lost 10 seats from 2010, the Amrita Party can claim victory in Campaign 2014. There will be four more years of "love and serve", four more years of Amma as the Honorable Member from the Precinct of Arboria. The Social Democrats, an old-school liberal-progressive and social justice party that was virtually untouched by the Dharmic Revolution in 1989-90, is arguably the biggest winner of Campaign 2014. With 49 seats in the 50th Congress-elect, up 16 seats from 2010, they are no longer a "mid-major". The SD will be a key ally of the Amrita and Chakra parties, giving the so-called Positive Possibilities coalition the simple 51% majority needed to pass most legislation. Note that Patria's annual budgets and special bills designated as requiring a "super majority" for ratification require a two-thirds majority; consequently the Amrita-Chakra-SD coalition will require support of the some of the smaller parties such as the Greens and Lilith, as well as any SRM or Jungle Party votes they can pry away.

The SRM is back in force, its "Patria first" and "take back the economy" messages resonating well with voters who are still trying to recover from the GED (global economic downturn) of the last decade. The SRM's commitment to traditional Hinduism also got out the votes in Campaign 2014, and will help the more moderate SRMers find common ground with Amrita, and support the PosPos coalition on key legislation. Bipartisan in the US Congress is more like "quadripartisan" or "pentapartisan" in Patria!

The Jungle Party (28 seats, up 7 from 2010) stepped its game up. Jim Rome and the Clones are no longer a niche party. Jim Rome attracts more than unemployed (or unemployable), overweight, socially inept 20 or 30-something men living in their parents' basements or couch-surfing with fellow nerds and getting little pleasure or intellectual stimulation out of life beyond what they hear on the radio for three hours every working day. Rome attracts Patriens from all walks of life who crave a mature, sober voice of in-depth sports talk and hard-hitting social commentary.

The macho he-men of the National Union came up losers in 2014. They have sunk further into irrelevance - from 70 seats in 2006, to only 35 in 2010, and now down to 26, and trailing the Jungle Party, who likely siphoned off some NU voters. National Unionists have only themselves to blame. The image of NU men owning big dogs and portraying cat owners as pussies in every sense of the word did not go over well. Unlike previous campaigns, the NU did not even mention the death penalty or public flogging for petty lawbreakers. Indeed, the NU's traditional law and order "lock 'em up and throw away key" platform took a back seat to the image of the NU man as a pitbull-owning, Marlboro-smoking, Harley-riding alpha male.

The biggest losers are arguably Patria's social conservatives and the tiny evangelical Christian fringe that has been fighting an incredibly losing battle to take Patria back to the 1950s. On the Campaign 2014 trail, support for such social conservative hobby horses as banning public displays of affection by boyfriend-girlfriend couples and advocating "modest" dress for women dwindled to an all-time low. Patria's apparent shift to the left - if the resurgence of the Social Democrats is any evidence of a leftward or liberal trend - also helped put the nails into this particular right-wing coffin. Even the most orthodox SRM Hindus recognize that Patria's streets and public squares are not ashrams and temples, where of course they would frown on couples' kissing and women in short skirts. And of course, two days before election day the Supreme Court bitch-slapped the Bible-toters by overturning Patria's ban on same-sex marriage.

The day after the election, Patria paused to remember Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, the former boxer and advocate for the wrongfully imprisoned, who died at age 76. Carter's boxing career was cut short when he was sentenced to life in prison for a murder he didn't commit. Following his release in 1985 after almost 20 years in the New Jersey State Prison, he took up residence in Canada and established the Association in Defence of the Wrongly Convicted. In the 1970s a song by Bob Dylan drew attention to Carter's case and may have helped expedite his release from prison.

Hurricane - Bob Dylan from LA REVOLUCION ES AHORA! on Vimeo.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Patria Votes 2014: your new 50th Congress-elect

After all-night vote counting in the Federal District and Caesarea, final election returns for all of Patria were not available until early Sunday morning. Note that the following party allocations in the 333-seat Congressus Patriaë are tentative, pending judicial re-counts in some precincts. One or two seats could change hands.

Amrita Party : 68 [-10] 20.4%

Chakra Party : 59 [-4] 17.7%

SRM: 55 [+5] 16.5%

Social Democrats: 49 [+16] 14.7%

Jungle Party: 28 [+7] 8.4%

National Union: 26 [-9] 7.8%

Green Party: 13 [-5] 3.9%

Libertarian Party: 7 [-1]

Lilith Party: 7 [unchanged]

Chastity Party: 3 [unchanged]

Incel Party: 2 [-3]

Family Values Party: 2 [unchanged]

Victory and Peace Party: 2 [+1]

Reconstruction Party: 2 [+1]

Peoples' Party: 2 [+1]

One seat each: Freedom Party, Progressive Labor Centralia, Popular Front of Pottsylvania, Lazurian Independent Party, United Farmers of Arboria, Mauretanians United for Faith and Freedom (MUFF), Patriots Union of Nova Columbia (PUNC), Pottsylvanian Alliance.

The +/- change in seats from 2010 is noted in [ ]'s. The percentage of popular vote is also noted, for parties that scored seats in double figures. Including the single-seat "party of ones", a whopping 23 parties are represented in the 50th Congress-elect.

Following the Patriot's Day holiday on Monday, April 21, the 49th Congress will re-convene for its traditional lame duck session. The first act of the lame duck session is to certify the election returns. The last act is to ratify Patria's fiscal 2015 budget.