Election Day one year away!

Actually one year less a day. On April 19, 2014 Patria will elect the 50th Congressus Patriaë (L Con. Pat.). To state the obvious: election campaigns in Patria drag on almost as long as those in the United States. But unlike in the USA, there are waaaaaaay more than two big-tent tweedledum/tweedledee parties to choose from. Election day is on a Saturday, so fewer folks will have the excuse of not being able to take time off work in order to vote. Not to mention that Patrienish Congresspeople are elected by proportional representation. None of that stupid first-past-the-post garbage that results in so-called "majority" governments receiving much less than 50% of the popular vote and millions of wasted votes in the US, Canada and the UK.

Are you ready for Campaign 2014? Let's crank up the hot air for the 50th Congress. It's a marathon, not a sprint!

Patria comes to Toronto

Patria has always had a special relationship with Canada, but now there is literally a Patria in Toronto: Patria Restaurant recently opened at 480 King Street West in Toronto's so-called "Entertainment District". It's a Spanish (i.e. from Spain, not Latin America) restaurant that re-creates a Barcelona tapas bar.

Patria (the restaurant that is, not the micronation) actually received fairly good reviews in the Toronto Star, Yelp and UrbanSpoon. It was also featured in a BlogTO photo essay. You can even follow them on Twitter @PatriaTO and like them on Facebook. It's worth a visit if you're craving, say, jamón ibérico de bellota (cured ham) and the variety of snacks and appetizers known as tapas. But it's not real, traditional Patrienish cuisine. Patria's national dish is Patria Wings - similar to Buffalo chicken wings, but cooked Tandoori style!

Don't expect Patrienish food at Toronto's Patria restaurant!

J-Stew leaves the Jungle

Jim Rome's legendary Jungle sidekick Jason Stewart (aka "J-Stew", "Mr. Automatic") announced his resignation from the Jungle as of March 8, in order to pursue other as-yet undisclosed interests. A graduate of Cal State Fullerton, J-Stew has a number of appearances on made-for-TV movies on his résumé, but his best known role was as a contestant on the reality TV series Blind Date. From humble beginnings as a listener and caller on the Jim Rome show circa 1995, J-Stew's reputation soon grew and Jim Rome took him on as the Jungle's call screener and "booker" (responsible for finding and scheduling the many sports personalities who gained Jungle Karma by being interviewed on the show). His official job title for the latter role was "Talent Coordinator". As the Jungle's call screener, his was the first voice a potential caller would hear on 1-800-636-8686. And often the last voice if the unfortunate schmuck's take was too weak or sucked too much to make it to air with Jim Rome.

J-Stew was a member of the Jungle Party caucus in Patria's Congress. But his seat will be up for grabs in 2014.

A tribute song to J-Stew, by a Houston, TX garage band called Three Day Weekend has been a Jungle favorite from the first time it aired in 2005.



Follow J-Stew on Twitter.

Vasant Panchami, not Valentines Day

Celebrate me on Feb. 14, 2013.

For many years, Patria has been leading the campaign to boycott - if not completely abolish - Valentines Day. Patria's dislike of the bogus Hallmark Holiday on Feb. 14 is well-known: over-commercialization, over-focus on "love" as only between heterosexual partners and only related to sexuality, but mainly because the day brutally excludes those who are involuntarily celibate (often because of Asperger's, now officially called autism spectrum disorders), do not have the social skills to function in an intimate partner relationship, are so devoted to their jobs or academic studies that they do not have time for a relationship, or are simply introverted. Not to mention those who are asexual. For men who do have girlfriends or significant others, Valentines Day forces these poor suckers to spend hard-earned money needlessly on useless "gifts" like flowers, chocolates and lingerie in the hope of getting some action between the sheets. Finally, in the northern hemisphere, the day falls in the middle of the coldest, dreariest month of the year. What Monday is to the week, February is to the year. For anyone who suffers from winter blahs or seasonal affective disorder, Valentines Day is just another crappy day that you could do without in a seemingly endless winter.

Incidentally, Patria discourages public displays of affection between couples. Kissing, fondling, tonsil hockey and other such acts in full view of children and vulnerable socially-disabled adults in public places such as buses, subways and park benches is frowned upon and could get you arrested in precincts with strong National Union and other conservative party representation. Patria is intended to be a safe place for "no sex until marriage, if at all" social conservatives and those whose autism spectrum social disability has made them de facto social conservatives.

Rather than Valentines Day, on Feb. 14th Patria will celebrate Vasant Panchami or Saraswati Jayanti. This day, in late January or early February according to the Hindu lunar calendar, celebrates the "birthday" or incarnation day of Mother Saraswati, the presiding deity of speech, language, literature and the arts. In her incarnation as Amma Karunamayi, Saraswati is Patria's Speaker of the House and ceremonial Head of State.

The most significant aspect of Vasant Panchami is that it is also the most auspicious day to begin laying one’s foundations of education – of how to read and write. Pre-school children are given their first lesson in reading and writing on this day. All Hindu educational institutions conduct special prayer for Saraswati on this day. It is also a great day to inaugurate training institutes and new schools

Screw Valentines Day. Do Saraswati Puja. Use those flowers for archana and chocolates for prasad. Saraswati Mata Ki Jai! The following is the traditional Saraswati arati song:

Om jaya Saraswati mata, jaya jaya Saraswati mata!

Sadaguna vaibhava shalini (2),

tribhuvana vikhyata. Jai jai Saraswati mata.

Victory to you, O Mother Saraswati!  You are renowned throughout the three worlds as the treasure-house of all great noble virtues.  Let all sing to the glory of your name!

Chandravadani padmasani dyuti mangalakare.  Maiya dyuti mangalakare.

Sohe shubha hamsa savare (2),

atula tejadhare.  Jai jai Saraswati mata.

O infinitely radiant goddess, you are beautiful and bright as the moon and are seated in lotus posture; you are lustrous in appearance and source of all blessings; your vehicle, the auspicious swan, looks elegant.

Bayem kara me vina, dayem kara mala.  Maiya dayem kara mala.

Shisha mukuta mani sohe (2),

gala motiyana mala.  Jai jai Saraswati mata.

In your left hand, O Mother Saraswati, is the vina and in the right a wreath; on your head lies a splendid coronet of gems and around your neck a mala of pearls.

Devi sharana jo ae, unaka uddhara kiya.  Maiya unaka uddhara kiya.

Paithi manthara dasi (2),

Ravana samhara kiya.  Jai jai Saraswati mata.

O Goddess, whoever sought refuge in you was released from the cycle of birth and death.  By perverting the mind of Kaikeyi's dull-witted hand­maid, Manthara, you became instrumental in the destruction of Ravana.

Vidya jñana pradayani, jñana prakasha bharo.  Maiya jñana prakasha bharo.

Moha ajñana timira ka (2),

jaga se nasha karo.  Jai jai Saraswati mata.

O bestower of learning and skill, illumine the world with light of knowledge and dispel the darkness of ignorance and infatuation.

Dhupa dipa phala meva, mam swikara karo.  Maiya mam swikara karo.

Jñana chakshu de mata (2),

jaga nistara karo.  Jai jai Saraswati mata.

O Mother, pray accept my gift of incense, light, both green and dry fruits, and endowing the world with the eyes of knowledge, ferry it across the ocean of the phenomenal world.

Mata Saraswati ki arati, jo koi jana gavai.  Maiya jo koi jana gavai.

Hitakari sukhakari (2),

Jñana bhakti pavai.  Jai jai Saraswati mata.

Whoever offers this arati to Mother Saraswati becomes a recipient of knowledge and devotion, both of which are beneficial and yield great happiness.

February 13 is World Radio Day

The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) has proclaimed February 13 World Radio Day. On that day in 1946, United Nations Radio signed on the air. World Radio Day is a day to celebrate radio as a medium; to improve international cooperation between broadcasters; and to encourage major networks and community radio alike to promote access to information and freedom of expression over the airwaves.

As radio continues to evolve in the digital age, it remains the medium that reaches the widest audience worldwide. This multi-purpose medium can help people, including youth, to engage in discussions on topics that affect them. It can save lives during natural or human-made disasters; and it provides journalists with a platform to report facts and tell their stories.

UNESCO encourages all countries to celebrate World Radio Day by planning activities in partnership with regional, national and international broadcasters, non-governmental organizations, the media and the public.

The national broadcasting network in Patria, Ramrajyavani - Patria's equivalent of the BBC, All India Radio, or the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation/Société Radio-Canada - airs programs in English, Sanskrit and Patrienish on AM, FM, and of course shortwave. In 2001, Patria Post issued a stamp to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the establishment of the Voice of Patria (Ramrajyavani means literally "Voice of Patria" in Sanskrit).

Along with the Ramrajyavani networks, there are many privately-owned AM and FM stations in Patria. Unlike in the US, most of these stations provide locally-produced programs dedicated to the communities that they serve. No voice-tracking. No turnkey, satellite-feed junk. Every major city has a full-service news and information station, such as PMC-846 in Castoropolis. The only exception is in Patria's capital city, where a number of US-based right-wing talk and sports shows can be heard on stations such as PMBC-1152 and POKX-648. But with the exception of the Jim Rome show on PMBC, their ratings are minuscule compared to PMC, a grand old legacy station much like KMOX in St. Louis.

Inauguration USA: four more years for BHO

The macro-national world's "real" Inauguration Day saw Barack Obama take the oath of office (twice!) to begin his second term of office. The quadrennial ceremony in Washington DC on January 20 (but in 2013 on the 21st) is, of course, the model for the one that takes place in Castoropolis every fourth year on June 30. As January 20 - the day the terms of the president and vice-president end at noon Eastern (UTC-5) time, as mandated by the 20th Amendment of the United States Constitution - fell on a Sunday in 2013, Obama took the oath of office in a private ceremony at the White House, while the public inauguration ceremony, inaugural parade and inaugural balls were held the following day, which coincidentially was Martin Luther King Day. This "never on Sunday" tradition would not happen in Patria, as Patria has no Christian legacy to speak of. There is, however, one exception: June 30, 2002 fell on a Sunday and the inauguration of the 47th Congress was postponed until the following Monday, July 1. But not out of respect for the Christian Sabbath. The final of the 2002 World Cup was played on June 30, and Patria wouldn't dare to go head-to-head with the world's most popular sport.

Immediately after repeating the presidential oath, Mr. Obama delivered the traditional inaugural address, in which he referenced Stonewall - in the same phrase as Seneca Falls and Selma. In fact, the President specifically referenced his commitment to gay rights: "Our journey is not complete until our gay brothers and sisters are treated like anyone else under the law—for if we are truly created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well".

Patria salutes the US President and wishes Mr. Obama well in his second term.

Transcription of Obama's second Inaugural Address.

Mohrriors and Clones go head-to-head

 Jay Mohr, the one-time protégé of Jim Rome and occasional guest host of Rome's Jungle show, is now hosting Jay Mohr Sports head-to-head on the radio with Jim Rome in the Monday-Friday 12 noon - 3 PM time slot. In Castoropolis and Caesarea, Mohr can be heard on PHN-1251 a sports talk station whose signal does not have nearly the punch as Patria's Jim Rome flagship PMBC-1152.

Jay Mohr's listeners have been dubbed "Mohrriors". While Rome tries to be funny, Mohr's background is actually as a comedian rather than a sports talker. It remains to be seen whether Mohr can motivate his Patrienish fan base into a political force in Patria's 2014 election. With Campaign 2014 still about a year away from ramping up (election day is April 19, 2014), don't bet against the Mohrriors winning a few seats in the 50th Congress, perhaps at the expense of the Jungle Party.

Other AM radio bits in Patria's capital city: PMC-846 counters Rome and Mohr with local sports talk. They're still the top-rated station in Castoropolis, thanks to full-service local news, public affairs programming and in-depth sports talk about the Castoropolis Centurions, Senators, Capitals, and the All-Patria Football Federation. POKX-648, once the "Nifty 650" Top 40 blowtorch, spew out right wing talk, including Rush Limbaugh (also in the weekday afternoon slot in case Rome and Mohr aren't your thing).