Let us make a pledge to meet in September

The 49th Congress has gone fishin' until Sept. 19, 2011. Out of session. Seal that with a kiss!

Stern economic warning as Congress adjourns

Summer is here! The First Session of the 49th Congress (1·XLIX 2010-11) adjourned at 11:26 PM Patrienish Local Time today with the Speaker Pro Tem banging the gavel (a 19th century tradition) and blowing the vuvuzela (21st century tradition).

The First Session was declared adjourned for the summer recess immediately following the delivery of the Annual Message to Congress, which is Patria's version of the State of the Union address, though much shorter than the US President's annual speech. The 2011 message warned that Patria's economy is tottering on the brink of a double-dip recession and pointed fingers at the usual suspects: Chinese imports, globalism, offshoring, banksters, and even non-smokers. If you scroll down to the last paragraph, note a grisly last-ditch nicotine-fueled solution to help grow Patria's economy.

XLIX Con. Pat.

Annual Message to Congress (at closing of Session)

June 27, 2011

Om Sri maha-rajñyai namah, chid agni kunda sambhutayai namah. Salutations to the Divine Mother, who is the Empress of the Universe, who was born in the fire pit of Pure Consciousness. With the Divine Mother’s blessings, the 49^th Congressus Patriaë has come to the end of its first year in office.

As we all know, this Congress was elected and took office in the wake of the Great Recession, arguably far worse economic times than the 1930s. One year later, Patria’s economy is still fragile and far from fully recovered. We have found convenient outlets for our frustration at the failed economy and the wholesale export to China of Patria’s once-thriving manufacturing industry: the rise of the Diet Coke Party’s grass-roots less-government populism, the surge of protectionism and anti-globalism spearheaded by the SRM, the growing push back against the barrage of cheap made-in-China consumer goods, and the push to make the Patrienish Rupee the micronational reserve currency of choice, ahead of once-hard but now-cratering currencies such as the US dollar, British pound, Japanese yen or Euro. On this day two years ago, citizens of Patria – at least those who still held jobs – were urged to “stimulate the economy by going out this weekend and purchasing a new car, an iPhone, a plasma TV, a laptop computer, a new washer and dryer, or any other big-ticket item”. That exhortation still holds, for just as in 2009, consumer spending, particularly on made-in-Patria goods and services, is still as close as it gets to being the single magic bullet that will cure the economy, bring the jobs home and prevent a double-dip recession.

In just a few days, the unemployment data, the number of new jobs created, and other economic statistics for Second Quarter 2011 will be released. If, as is likely, they show that the economy has shrunk during the quarter, and there has been little or no job growth, we are halfway to recession number two. But whether the economy has merely hit a short-term rough patch or is on its way to a double-dip recession, it is still our patriotic duty to defeat the downturn through continued consumer spending, thorough non-violent resistance against the G8, G20, World Bank, IMF and other one-world-government globalist cabals who won’t have Patria as a member, through peaceful protests against offshoring and globalism, through boycotting the slew of Chinese junk, and through the efforts of this Congress to impose tariffs on imported goods and build an impregnable wall of protectionism in order to save Patria’s industries and jobs.

During the 2010 election campaign and one year ago on Inauguration Day, the Amrita Party, Chakra Party and several other parties represented on the floor of Congress spoke in grand and hopeful terms about living in I AM consciousness and being “open, ready, willing to be completely restructured around the Positive Possibilities”. But over the course of this session, attempts to open to the Positive Possibilities have largely failed. We are not being authentically ourselves, and sadly, due to the state of the economy we cannot be. In the face of soaring gas prices, shuttered factories, jobs offshored to China, India or the lowest bidder, worthless retirement plans and double-digit unemployment, there seems to be no way the members of this Congress and citizens of Patria can find their true voice, experience a true expression of life force, and tap into a sense of rooted, vital expansiveness. Doing so seems impossible, out of fear of losing what little financial security we have. For those who are still employed, all we can do to eke out a little existence in this economic wasteland is to be grateful we still have jobs, as poorly as they pay, as soul-destroying as they may be, as much as they encourage a phony culture of corporate conformity, and as much as they force us to check our true selves at the door, stuff down our joy, stamp out our true connection to who we are, and stay stuck in the realm of impossibilities as long as doing so pleases supervisors, co-workers, clients and customers while paying our bills and putting food on our tables. At best, a joyful, expansive life of real growth is a hobby to be enjoyed only on weekends, after hours and during what little vacation time our employers may deign to grant us.

Finally, there is a grisly, ghastly method of stimulating the economy and creating jobs, but one that might be considered as a desperate last resort to stave off the double-dip recession. Like Canada, the United States and most macronations, the government of Patria and the thirteen precinct governments take in a substantial amount of tax revenue from the sale of tobacco products. If people were encouraged to take up smoking or continue their smelly, disgusting habit rather than quitting, the flow of tax revenue into this government’s coffers would continue to fund social programs, public transit initiatives and infrastructure projects. Through nicotine addiction thousands of jobs would be created – not only in the tobacco farming and cigarette manufacturing industries, but steady, well-paying and virtually recession-proof jobs for florists, casket makers and funeral directors. The argument that smoking costs Patria billions of rupees in health care expenditures is a red herring. It is a generally known but politically incorrect fact that a 50 year old smoker who drops dead of a heart attack or lung cancer is less of a drain on the health care system than a 90 year old non-smoker bedridden in a nursing home or slowly dying of Alzheimer’s. Not to mention that the prematurely dying smoker does not drain the Social Security system of the old-age pensions that the millions of Baby Boomers who are now reaching retirement age are expecting to receive. Indeed, if we are so desperate to grow the economy, we should seriously consider smoking as our patriotic duty in the war against the recession, just as sending cartons of cigarettes to the troops overseas was “doing our bit for victory” in another war almost seventy years ago that virtually depended on nicotine for victory. If you don’t smoke, thank someone who does for helping to light up the economy. And if you are not willing to smoke your way out of recession, you should at least consider going out and buying a 40 ounce bottle of whiskey to enjoy responsibly or spending a Saturday night playing the slot machines. Along with the tobacco industry, Patria’s liquor stores and casinos are doing their part to fight the recession through the so-called sin taxes. This government needs the revenue generated by nicotine-addicted heavy-drinking compulsive gamblers in order to stay afloat. The practitioners of Sanatan Dharma, spiritual lifestyle and yoga sadhana did not bring Patria into recession, but neither are they helping to lift us out. It is too easy to point fingers at the banksters, greed-mongers and globalists in New York and London for dragging down Patria’s economy, when right here among us the yoga practicing, tea-totaling, tree-hugging vegan New Agers, buy-nothing renunciates and orthodox Hindus who don’t smoke, drink or gamble – let alone sufficiently spend on consumer goods – are not doing their fair share to bring Patria out of the economic doldrums.

As is traditional, this session is adjourned with a brief prayer:

Asato ma sad gamaya. Tamaso ma jyotir gamaya. Mrityor ma amritam gamaya.

Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.

"Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare closed the First Session of the 49^th Congress, and call this Congress to re-assemble here on Monday, the 19^th of September 2011, to open the Second Session of the 49^th Congress".

New address for 49th Congress on Twitter

If you had been following the 2010 election campaign on Twitter, note that the name of Patria's 49th Congress Twitter feed has been changed. Patriavotes2010 is now twitter.com/Patria49thC

Left unanswered: Will we still be using Twitter, Facebook and Blogspot for the 2014 election? Or in about three years time will they go the way of MySpace, to say nothing of Geocities?

Beavers beat Barons for Kamala Cup

The Arboria Beavers are the champions of the Patrienish Hockey League (PHL) for 2010-11. The Beavers won the Kamala Cup (Patria's Stanley Cup) - their fourth since 2003 - by beating the Lazuria Black Barons 4 games to 2. As for the Castoropolis Centurions, they further solidified their claim of being the Toronto Maple Leafs of the PHL by finishing dead freakin' last and out of the playoffs for the sixth straight season. The last time the Cents saw any post-season action was in 2004-05, the year the NHL's season was killed by lockout.

2010-11 Kamala Cup playoff results:

Semi-Final: Centralia Crusaders (1) v. Lazuria Black Barons (4)
Game 1 at Centralia, Apr. 13 - Lazuria 4, Centralia 3 (OT)
Game 2 at Centralia, Apr. 15 - Centralia 5, Lazuria 2
Game 3 at Lazuria, Apr. 17 - Lazuria 5, Centralia 4 (2OT)
Game 4 at Lazuria, Apr. 19 - Lazuria 3, Centralia 0
Game 5 at Centralia, Apr. 21 - Centralia 5, Lazuria 4 (OT)
Game 6 at Lazuria, Apr. 23 - Centralia 6, Lazuria 5
Game 7 at Centralia, Apr. 25 - Lazuria 4, Centralia 2
(Lazuria wins series 4 games to 3)

Semi-Final: Caesarea Violets (2) v. Arboria Beavers (3)
Game 1 at Caesarea, Apr. 14 - Caesarea 4, Arboria 1
Game 2 at Caesarea, Apr. 16 - Arboria 5, Caesarea 2
Game 3 at Arboria, Apr. 18 - Caesarea 6, Arboria 3
Game 4 at Arboria, Apr. 20 - Arboria 7, Caesarea 5
Game 5 at Caesarea, Apr. 22 Arboria 3, Caesaera 2 (OT)
Game 6 at Arboria, Apr. 24 Arboria 4, Caesarea 1
(Arboria wins series 4 games to 2)

Final: Lazuria Black Barons v. Arboria Beavers
Game 1 at Arboria, Apr. 28 - Arboria 1, Lazuria 0
Game 2 at Arboria, Apr. 30 - Lazuria 2, Arboria 1 (OT)
Game 3 at Lazuria, May 3 - Arboria 2, Lazuria 1 (OT)
Game 4 at Lazuria, May 5 - Arboria 4, Lazuria 2
Game 5 at Arboria, May 7 - Lazuria 4, Arboria 3
Game 6 at Lazuria, May 9 - Arboria 2, Lazuria 1
Arboria Beavers win Kamala Cup 4 games to 2

Parvati on Rogers Daytime

Parvati Devi appears on Rogers Daytime (a Toronto-area cable TV channel, part of the mighty Rogers empire) to discuss her recent journey to the North Pole, where she gave the northernmost musical performance ever, in order to raise awareness of the melting polar ice caps and bring back the message.

Patria supports Libya's fight for freedom

As a member of the League of Secessionist States (LOSS), which is kind of like a United Nations for micronations, Patria has voted in favor of a resolution passed by the LOSS General Assembly supporting the Libyan people in their transition toward freedom and democracy:

WHEREAS, the Libyan people have shown their desire for freedom and democracy to all the world, wanting to force the tyrants who rule their nation from power;

WHEREAS, the League of Secessionist States upholds freedom and human rights for all peoples and nations and supports the principle of free and democratic elections;

WHEREAS, the Libyan people have shown that the Libyan dictator has always exerted a strong oppression against his people;

WHEREAS, the League of Secessionist States does not want bloodshed and does not accept the bombing of the people; And likewise, the League of Secessionist States supports the United Nations in its view that the Libyan dictator's actions against his opponents in Libya may amount to crimes against humanity;

And, WHEREAS, we desire to express our solidarity with the Libyan people,

WE, therefore, CONSIDER acceptable the UN resolution on a "no fly zone" (UN SC Resolution 1973) and the intervention of the "coalition" against the army of the Libyan dictator;

WE, furthermore, support the Libyan people in their journey toward freedom, respecting their freedom and determination.

Occasionally Patria, through LOSS, will take a position on macronational affairs ("macronation" refers to countries such as Canada, the United States, and about 190 others that are generally recognized as "real", in contrast to micronations such as Patria). As for Gaddafi, Qaddafi, or however you attempt to spell it, Patria can only wonder why he is still only a Colonel. Surely he could have promoted himself to Generalissimo when he had the chance, having ruled Libya for some 40 years.

Jungle Party: Smack-Off 2011

The Smack-Off is the single greatest annual event for Jim Rome's clones and the Jungle Party caucus in Congress. The winner of the 2011 Smack-Off is Brad in Corona. It is the second title for Brad in three years, having won the 2009 Smack-Off and earning a virtually automatic seat in the 49th Congress.

Final Smack-Off results, as determined by Jim Rome, J-Stew and the other members of Rome's production team, aka the XR4TI:

WINNER OF THE 17TH ANNUAL SMACK-OFF

BRAD IN CORONA (2 TIME CHAMP)

FINAL STANDINGS

1st BRAD IN CORONA

2nd Steve Carbone

3rd Iafrate

4th Vic In No Cal

5th Dan In DC

6th Jay Mohr

7th Mike In Indy

8th Mike In San Diego

9th Isreal In Los Angeles

10th Joe In The Oc

Other Participants

Jeff In Richmond

Trapper In Dana Point

Oren In Denver

Note that a number of Smack-Off invitees - including the winners of the Hack-Off and the Golden Ticket, did not call the show, or remained on hold when the show ended and thus didn't get on the air.

The Jim Rome Show, aka the Jungle, is Patria's leading sports talk show, where rapid-fire, hard-hitting sports commentary is combined with social commentary on what's jacked up with America. Syndicated throughout North America via the Premiere Radio Networks, in Patria the Jungle can be heard in Castoropolis on PMBC-1152. If your local radio station does not broadcast the show, bang the monkey (Jim Rome smack for aggressively contacting the station's staff) or become a Jungle Insider and never miss a take.