After all-night vote counting in the Federal District and Caesarea, final election returns for all of Patria were not available until early Sunday morning. Note that the following party allocations in the 333-seat Congressus Patriaë are tentative, pending judicial re-counts in some precincts. One or two seats could change hands.
Amrita Party : 68 [-10] 20.4%
Chakra Party : 59 [-4] 17.7%
SRM: 55 [+5] 16.5%
Social Democrats: 49 [+16] 14.7%
Jungle Party: 28 [+7] 8.4%
National Union: 26 [-9] 7.8%
Green Party: 13 [-5] 3.9%
Libertarian Party: 7 [-1]
Lilith Party: 7 [unchanged]
Chastity Party: 3 [unchanged]
Incel Party: 2 [-3]
Family Values Party: 2 [unchanged]
Victory and Peace Party: 2 [+1]
Reconstruction Party: 2 [+1]
Peoples' Party: 2 [+1]
One seat each: Freedom Party, Progressive Labor Centralia, Popular Front of Pottsylvania, Lazurian Independent Party, United Farmers of Arboria, Mauretanians United for Faith and Freedom (MUFF), Patriots Union of Nova Columbia (PUNC), Pottsylvanian Alliance.
The +/- change in seats from 2010 is noted in [ ]'s. The percentage of popular vote is also noted, for parties that scored seats in double figures. Including the single-seat "party of ones", a whopping 23 parties are represented in the 50th Congress-elect.
Following the Patriot's Day holiday on Monday, April 21, the 49th Congress will re-convene for its traditional lame duck session. The first act of the lame duck session is to certify the election returns. The last act is to ratify Patria's fiscal 2015 budget.
Welcome to the Inner Realm of Patria's official blog. Patria is a micronation established in 1818 that exists only within the hearts and minds of those who dare to be in the Bhav!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
End of the road for 50th Congress campaign trail
Patria's marathon 2014 election campaign - almost as long as a US presidential election or the race for Mayor of Toronto - ends at 11:59 PM local Patria time tonight. By law, all campaigning and electioneering must end at one midnight before midnight on election day eve.
On the last day of Campaign 2014, the Chastity Party, Family Values Party and the rest of Patria's social conservative contingent are reeling from the Supreme Court's decision that legalized same-sex marriage in Patria. But apart from the usual tired old slogans ("healthy, happy, heterosexual", "look to the right", "throw the liberals out", "forward to the 1950s"), there is virtually no fight left in these right-wing busybodies and US Republican wannabes. They have all but conceded defeat on the gay marriage issue. Their hoary old "Patria must be a safe place for social conservatives" mantra has sputtered out and is roadkill on the 2014 campaign trail. Although a lot of hot air has been expended over the past four years advocating a ban on public displays of affection by couples and modest dress for women, as Campaign 2014 entered the home stretch there has been little support for such measures in the new administration. Indeed, Patria is not Gilead.
The major parties spent the last full day of the election campaign getting out the vote and shoring up support in the so-called battleground precincts. The SRM, Amrita and Chakra parties, as well as the Greens, campaigned hard in Caesarea and the Federal District of Castoropolis, where 99 seats are up for grabs. Amrita also campaigned heavily in Arboria, Amma's home precinct in Patria, where the Amrita Party is facing a major challenge from the old-school Hindu SRM. The Social Democrats focused on prying votes away from the "take back the economy" SRM in Centralia, Aeolia and Nova Columbia - Patria's rust belt, which was hit hard by the 2008-09 recession and still has not recovered. The National Union's macho men and big dogs campaigned for support in the mid-major precincts of Aeolia, Antioch, Ambrosia (the "triple A precincts"), Mauretania, Lazuria as well as the Caesarea suburbs of Castoropolis. The Jungle Party held its rally in downtown Castoropolis, at the studios of PMBC-1152, the flagship station of the Jim Rome Show.
Since pre-election polls are officially banned in Patria, neither the news media or any party have any real idea of which party is the front-runner or how many seats a party is likely to win. The vote amounts to 14 crap-shoots in the 13 precincts and the Federal District of Castoropolis. The difference between democracy and feudalism: in democracy your vote counts, in feudalism your count votes!
On the last day of Campaign 2014, the Chastity Party, Family Values Party and the rest of Patria's social conservative contingent are reeling from the Supreme Court's decision that legalized same-sex marriage in Patria. But apart from the usual tired old slogans ("healthy, happy, heterosexual", "look to the right", "throw the liberals out", "forward to the 1950s"), there is virtually no fight left in these right-wing busybodies and US Republican wannabes. They have all but conceded defeat on the gay marriage issue. Their hoary old "Patria must be a safe place for social conservatives" mantra has sputtered out and is roadkill on the 2014 campaign trail. Although a lot of hot air has been expended over the past four years advocating a ban on public displays of affection by couples and modest dress for women, as Campaign 2014 entered the home stretch there has been little support for such measures in the new administration. Indeed, Patria is not Gilead.
The major parties spent the last full day of the election campaign getting out the vote and shoring up support in the so-called battleground precincts. The SRM, Amrita and Chakra parties, as well as the Greens, campaigned hard in Caesarea and the Federal District of Castoropolis, where 99 seats are up for grabs. Amrita also campaigned heavily in Arboria, Amma's home precinct in Patria, where the Amrita Party is facing a major challenge from the old-school Hindu SRM. The Social Democrats focused on prying votes away from the "take back the economy" SRM in Centralia, Aeolia and Nova Columbia - Patria's rust belt, which was hit hard by the 2008-09 recession and still has not recovered. The National Union's macho men and big dogs campaigned for support in the mid-major precincts of Aeolia, Antioch, Ambrosia (the "triple A precincts"), Mauretania, Lazuria as well as the Caesarea suburbs of Castoropolis. The Jungle Party held its rally in downtown Castoropolis, at the studios of PMBC-1152, the flagship station of the Jim Rome Show.
Since pre-election polls are officially banned in Patria, neither the news media or any party have any real idea of which party is the front-runner or how many seats a party is likely to win. The vote amounts to 14 crap-shoots in the 13 precincts and the Federal District of Castoropolis. The difference between democracy and feudalism: in democracy your vote counts, in feudalism your count votes!
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Supreme Court overturns Patria's ban on gay marriage
A mere two days before election day, the Supreme Court of Patria not only stabbed social conservatives in the back but twisted the knife as well. The Supreme Court judges ruled that Patria's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional even if there was no actual legislation on the books banning gay and lesbian marriages, only an unwritten law or gentleman's agreement that marriage is by definition reserved exclusively for heterosexual couples.
The Family Values Party, Chastity Party, an assortment of Evangelical Christians and other social conservative organizations who have been pushing the "family values" "forward to the 1950s" and "healthy, happy, heterosexual" messages during the 2014 election cycle failed to convince the Supreme Court that gay marriage would harm children, devalue traditional heterosexual marriage, destroy Patria's underlying traditional Judeo-Christian moral code (Patria never had much of it, even before the 1989-90 Dharmic Revolution), and overturn centuries of social tradition. Noting that the Constitution of Patria has continued to evolve since 1818 so that it can accommodate and address the realities of 21st century life, the Justices held that the word "marriage" in Patria's laws and statutes does not exclude same-sex marriage. The Court also noted that no pandit, pastor, priest or rabbi in Patria will ever be required to officiate a same-sex marriage: "legalizing same-sex marriages in Patria will not compel temples, churches, synagogues and other places of worship to perform marriages of gay or lesbian couples that are contrary to their beliefs because religious officials are not required to solemnize marriages which their teachings and scriptures do not condone". The onus will be on same-sex couples to find a clergyperson, justice or the peace or other public official willing to perform such a marriage.
Of course, for most Aspies, 40-something virgins and other socially inept nerds in Patria, this ruling is a moot point. Intimate long-term relationships, whether homosexual or heterosexual, are as complex as integral calculus and marriage is simply not an option.
The Family Values Party, Chastity Party, an assortment of Evangelical Christians and other social conservative organizations who have been pushing the "family values" "forward to the 1950s" and "healthy, happy, heterosexual" messages during the 2014 election cycle failed to convince the Supreme Court that gay marriage would harm children, devalue traditional heterosexual marriage, destroy Patria's underlying traditional Judeo-Christian moral code (Patria never had much of it, even before the 1989-90 Dharmic Revolution), and overturn centuries of social tradition. Noting that the Constitution of Patria has continued to evolve since 1818 so that it can accommodate and address the realities of 21st century life, the Justices held that the word "marriage" in Patria's laws and statutes does not exclude same-sex marriage. The Court also noted that no pandit, pastor, priest or rabbi in Patria will ever be required to officiate a same-sex marriage: "legalizing same-sex marriages in Patria will not compel temples, churches, synagogues and other places of worship to perform marriages of gay or lesbian couples that are contrary to their beliefs because religious officials are not required to solemnize marriages which their teachings and scriptures do not condone". The onus will be on same-sex couples to find a clergyperson, justice or the peace or other public official willing to perform such a marriage.
Of course, for most Aspies, 40-something virgins and other socially inept nerds in Patria, this ruling is a moot point. Intimate long-term relationships, whether homosexual or heterosexual, are as complex as integral calculus and marriage is simply not an option.
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| Patria's home of the Supremes (and we don't mean Diana Ross and company) |
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Centurions out of Kamala Cup playoffs as PHL season ends
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| Classic jerseys, crappy team. Castoropolis Centurions are the Toronto Maple Leafs of the PHL! |
In the first round of the Kamala Cup playoffs, defending champion Arboria Beavers will host the Lazuria Black Barons, while the Centurions' hated cross-precinct rival Caesarea Violets will face off against the Centralia Crusaders.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Total Transformation: tough parenting for National Union moms and dads
If you do any AM radio listening at all, particularly to satellite-fed conservative talk shows and the usual syndicated sports talkers, you've probably heard ads for The Total Transformation: a tough-love zero-tolerance parenting program that claims to turn misbehaving, unruly, short attention-span children (from pre-school through teenagers) into compliant, obedient little National Unionists who will do as they are told by authority figures (i.e. their mom or dad). It is touted as a "step-by-step plan for stopping defiance, back talk, lying and disrespect":
Who’s really in charge at your home?
If you are trying to parent a defiant, out–of–control child, you know how their behavior affects everyone and everything in your home, from siblings to your relationship with your spouse.
It’s time to put you back in control of your home, and getting that control is simpler than you think.
The Total Transformation® will give you back the respect you deserve and the authority your children actually need from you.
Although Total Transformation appears to be gender-neutral, it is particularly targeted to parents of boys. Everyone - from parents to police - knows that boys have much shorter attention spans and far more behavioral problems than girls. Parents can use Total Transformation in order to mold their wimpy little boys into tough National Union men who will keep the NU well represented in Congress in the decades to come.
Who’s really in charge at your home?
If you are trying to parent a defiant, out–of–control child, you know how their behavior affects everyone and everything in your home, from siblings to your relationship with your spouse.
It’s time to put you back in control of your home, and getting that control is simpler than you think.
The Total Transformation® will give you back the respect you deserve and the authority your children actually need from you.
As James Lehman, one of the creators of the Total Transformation program, notes: "The Total Transformation Program will help you deal with all the behaviors children and adolescents present as they develop into young adults. We focus primarily on the problem behaviors that prevent a child from getting along with others: developing self–esteem, managing anger, underachievement, school performance, substance abuse, and general social problem solving. We will give you specific tools and techniques to deal with problems such as fighting, arguing with parents, lying, temper tantrums, talking back, destroying property, picking on siblings or classmates, acting sullen and withdrawn, lack of motivation, cigarette smoking, substance abuse, and behavior problems in school and in the community. It’s important to note that the skills you learn in the program will help you to parent all your children, not only those who have attitude or behavior problems."
Although Total Transformation appears to be gender-neutral, it is particularly targeted to parents of boys. Everyone - from parents to police - knows that boys have much shorter attention spans and far more behavioral problems than girls. Parents can use Total Transformation in order to mold their wimpy little boys into tough National Union men who will keep the NU well represented in Congress in the decades to come.
To state the obvious, Total Transformation is endorsed and approved by the National Union - Patria's purveyors of obedience and respect for authority since 1854. Law and order begin at home.
Monday, April 7, 2014
A plethora of parties: who's on your 50th Congress ballot?
As Patria's 50th Congress election ballots are locked and loaded (advance and mail-in polls are already taking place), voters will be presented with a staggering array of parties to choose from. Unlike only two major parties in the USA, three in the UK and Canada (four including le Bloc Québecois), there will be at least 15 parties on the ballot when Patria votes on April 19:
- Amrita Party
- Chakra Party
- Chastity Party
- Family Values Party
- Freedom Party
- Green Party
- Incel Party
- Jungle Party
- Libertarian Party
- Lilith Party
- National Union
- Reconstructionist Party
- Social Democrats
- SRM
- Victory and Peace Party
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Election day in Afghanistan as Patria's ballots are printed
As millions of Afghans defied the Taliban's death threats to vote in elections that would choose a successor to retiring president Hamid Karzai, US Secretary of State John Kerry said the "vote demonstrates how committed the Afghan people are to protecting and advancing their democracy." He added that the United States "remains ready to work with the next president of Afghanistan." The voter turnout was so high that some polling stations ran out of ballots.
Meanwhile in Patria, there are less than two weeks remaining in the 50th Congress election campaign. All the parties, from the mighty Amrita, SRM, Chakra and NU to the one-seater nutbars are hitting the hustings hard for the final push toward April 19. The ballots with as many as 23 parties to choose from (your choices may vary depending on your Precinct) have been printed and are in the process of being delivered to polling stations across Patria. Most will arrive by truck, but in some remote areas of Patria, as in Afghanistan, the ballots and ballot boxes will be transported by the symbol of the US Democratic Party - the trusty donkey!
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| Riding on a donkey, Patria's 50th Congress ballot papers are on their way! |
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