Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Six months in office for 50th Congress as 2014 circles the drain

"Year in reviews" are the death and taxes of the last week in December. They proliferate on print, broadcast, online and social media. Most are quite lame, tired, uninspired, or even downright insensitive, as Facebook had to apologize to some users for its algorithmically-generated year in reviews that highlighted deceased loved ones and other personal tragedies. Although the standard Gregorian (A.D.) calendar is used in Patria, January 1 has little significance as the start of a new year other than on paper. For all practical purposes, the "year" in Patria begins in September, with the opening of the new session of Congress - not to mention Rosh Hashanah, Navratri and the kids going back to school.

Nonetheless, as 2014 circles the drain and the 50th Congress marks six month in office, there are a few notable events of the last twelve months in Patria:

  • The election of 2014 that re-affirmed Patria's commitment to more liberal, progressive values and rejected hard-line "Patria first" economic nationalism as well as the National Union's manly values.
  • Two days before election day, the Supreme Court of Patria threw out the ban on same-sex marriages, although no gay marriages actually took place in Patria in 2014. Patria is no longer a "safe place for social conservatives".
  • Live kirtan performance by Krishna Das at Patria's 50th Congress-elect Inauguration retreat (aka Bhakti Fest Midwest).
  • A memorable 50th Congress Inauguration ceremony. No one complained that the snobby, elitist Inaugural Ball was cancelled.
  • Being with Amma for Guru Purnima on her summer tour a few days after the inaugural.
And so, onward to 2015. Happy new year to those who actually celebrate it. New Year's resolutions are incredibly lame. Virtually no one bothers with them in Patria. If you go to a gym in Patria during the first week or two of January, it won't be overcrowded with losers trying to keep their weight loss resolutions.

Monday, October 20, 2014

RIP, mate! Patria remembers Gough Whitlam.

Flags in Patria were lowered to half-mast today in memory of Gough Whitlam, Australia's 21st prime minister and a titan of the Australian Labour Party, who died at the age of 98.

Born in 1916, Mr. Whitlam served in the Royal Australian Air Force during World War II. He was first elected to the Australian parliament in 1952. In 1966, as deputy opposition leader, Mr Whitlam visited Vietnam to tour the 1st Australian Task Force area. He visited again as opposition leader in 1968, and criticised the Gorton government’s successive troop increases at the behest of US president Lyndon B Johnson. Momentum for political change grew and Gough Whitlam seized on the mood, leading the ALP to the next election, in 1972, with the simple yet galvanising campaign slogan "It’s Time" - which was emblazoned on t-shirts worn by celebrities campaigning with the would-be PM.

The Whitlam government immediately moved to withdraw troops from Vietnam and release all draft-dodgers from prison. The voting age was lowered from 21 to 18 and welfare payments were introduced to support mothers and the homeless. University fees were abolished and needs-based funding for government schools was brought in. Mr. Whitlam became the first Aussie prime minister to visit communist China, resuming relations after 24 years of diplomatic disengagement. He travelled widely, also visiting Indonesia, India, Japan, Russia, North America and Europe. He changed Australia's stance on apartheid South Africa at the United Nations, and banned that country’s sporting teams from touring.

But Mr. Whitlam's tenure as Prime Minister lasted only three years. In 1975 he was booted out of office on trumped-up charges by the Governor-General (the Queen's representative and mostly ceremonial head of state in Commonwealth countries such as Australia and Canada). "Well may we say God save the Queen, because nothing will save the governor-general", Whitlam famously said after being sacked.

Patria, need it be said, supports the efforts in Australia and Canada to sever the antiquated ties with the British monarchy and become republics, even if such a referendum was defeated in Australia in 1999 and is unlikely to ever take place in Canada. It should be noted that Australian Governors-General apparently have more cojones than their Canadian counterparts.

Below is one of Mr. Whitlam's campaign ads from 1972.

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Amma celebrates Promethium birthday

Although the celebrations were not quite as massive as last year's Amritavarsham 60, or the humungous 50th birthday party that filled a cricket stadium to Test Match capacity in 2003, Patria's House Leader of the Amrita Party celebrated her 61st birthday (go ahead and google the reference. Surely you remember your periodic table from high school chemistry!) in the midst of Navratri -the nine nights devoted to worship of the Divine Mother - and the Jewish High Holy Days.

Party like it's 5775! Amma distributes the traditional Rosh Hashanah offering of apples dipped in honey (for a sweet new year).
In her birthday message, Amma said: "Devotion and compassion towards the poor and the needy go hand in hand. They are like two sides of a coin. We should look around us and reach out to people who need our help. If we are able to help even just one person, we can bring about a big change in their life. If my children can become ready to share their lives with the poor and the needy, that would be the best birthday present Amma could ever receive."

The celebrations include announcements of Amma's new charitable projects, a free marriage ceremony for impoverished couples, distribution of free clothing to the poor, and of course almost a full day of Amma’s darshan—her personal motherly embrace for each person attending the event.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Scots say "nae" to independence


In a referendum held on Sept. 18, the people of Scotland voted by a 55% margin to stay in the United Kingdom, where they had been since the Act of Union in 1707. As with all macro-national ("real world") affairs, Patria was neutral on the Scottish referendum. But public opinion in Patria was overwhelmingly in favor of the "YES" side, as a new and small nation with a flag that resembles Patria's. Vive l'Ecosse libre!

Note the extremely high voter turnout for the referendum. Canadians and Americans are lucky to have a 50% voter turnout for their elections. It was even higher than the voter turnout in Patria for the 50th Congress election (unofficially around 80%). Unfortunately, Scots living abroad were not eligible to send in absentee ballots. There are probably more Scottish immigrants in Canada and the United States than there are people still living in Scotland.

It's a moot point, but one wonders what Scotland's internet domain would have been if the yes side had won. .sc is Seychelles, .sd is Sudan, .sk is Slovakia, .sl is Sierra Leone, .so is Somalia. They might have been out of luck.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Back to school as Congress returns from summer recess

Patria's new 50th Congress has returned from post-inaugural summer recess to begin its traditional September-to-June session. As the Sergeant-at-Arms called out "The House shall assemble!" and the Speaker Pro Tem banged the gavel on the dais, the First Session, Fiftieth Congress (1·L 2014-15) was officially underway. A more liberal agenda on the order paper can be expected, given the Social Democrats' beefed-up representation and the National Union being reduced almost to fringe or niche status.

Along with the new session of Congress, a new academic year also begins. For incoming university and college frosh, most of whom were born in 1996, there are many things, such as VHS videos, electric typewriters and 35 mm film cameras, that they are too young to recall. Around this time each year, Beloit College, a small liberal arts school in Wisconsin, publishes a "Mindset List" providing a look at the cultural touchstones and experiences that have shaped the worldview of students entering colleges and universities in the fall. Following are some of the highlights of Beloit's Mindset List for the class of 2018:
  • During their initial weeks of kindergarten, they were upset by endlessly repeated images of planes blasting into the World Trade Center.
  • Since they binge-watch their favorite TV shows, they might like to binge-watch the video portions of their courses too.
  • When they see wire-rimmed glasses, they think Harry Potter, not John Lennon.
  • “Press pound” on the phone is now translated as “hit hashtag.”
  • Celebrity “selfies” are far cooler than autographs.
  • They have probably never used Netscape as their web browser.
  • Hong Kong has always been part of China.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Patria remembers centennial of Great War

Canadian troops bring a wounded comrade through the mud of Passchendaele, 1917. Fortunately, Patria stayed out of this so-called "war to end all wars".
The centennial of the Great War was referenced in Patria's Fiftieth Congress inaugural address. But on the first weekend of August, Patria once again paused to remember the hundredth anniversary of the world (the mighty European macro-powers and their colonial empires, at least) going to war over the assassination of a stupid Austro-Hungarian archduke. On this week in 1914, the newly inaugurated Twenty Fifth Congress met in a Special Session held before the convening of the First Session in September (1·XXV 1914-15) in order to affirm Patria's neutrality in the conflict that would later become known as World War I.

They would still be dodging bullets and poison gas in the rat-infested mud-filled trenches four years later, as the 26th Congress was inaugurated during Patria's centennial year 1918. But by then, the USA had become involved, making the Great War a true World War.

To remember is to end all wars. Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu.

Like Great War 100 on Facebook.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Patria Post issues Mandela memorial stamp

On the day that would have been Nelson Mandela's 96th birthday - observed worldwide as Mandela Day - Patria Post has issued a commemorative stamp in memory of the late South African leader. Note that like most recent Patria Post issues, this is a "forever" stamp with no rupee denomination. The number 1 simply represents the basic First Class letter rate.

The United Nations officially declared 18 July as Nelson Mandela International Day in November 2009, recognising Mandela’s "values and his dedication to the service of humanity" and acknowledging his contribution "to the struggle for democracy internationally and the promotion of a culture of peace throughout the world".

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Amma meets with US Congresspeople

Immediately after wrapping up her North American tour, the Hon. Member of the 50th Congress Amma (AMR-Arboria) made a brief stop in Washington, DC where she met with several members of the United States Congress. The meeting was was held at the request of Democratic U.S. Congresswoman Lucille Roybal-Allard, who represents California's 40th Congressional District.

During the visit, some frank discussions emerged over the plight of large numbers of unaccompanied minors from Central American countries that are currently being detained by the U.S. Border Patrol. The children were fleeing extreme violence in their native countries and had been encouraged to seek shelter in the U.S.

This was the second year in a row that Congresswoman Roybal-Allard had invited Amma for such a meeting. The event took place mere hours after a marathon Devi Bhava public program in Toronto during which Amma hugged devotees continuously for some 14 hours without stopping for a bathroom break, let alone a few hours of sleep.

ॐ लोकाः समस्ताः सुखिनो भवन्तु ॥
Lucille Roybal-Allard  (D-CA) gets some face time with Amma.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

50th Congress campaign in a Batman meme nutshell

Social conservatives got bitch-slapped during Patria's 2014 election campaign! "Modest dress for women" had been a tired old icon in Patria for decades. Two days before election day, the Supreme Court of Patria threw out the ban on same-sex marriage.


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

First act of new Congress: summer recess

Nice inaugural celebration, Patria. See you in September!
Following the inaugural puja, oath of office, Inaugural Address/Speech from the Throne (q.v.), Congressional lunch and inaugural parade through downtown Castoropolis, the first act of the 50th Congress  - after the official administrivia of naming a House Speaker pro tem, acting Minister of External Affairs, Secretary of the Interior and other so-called cabinet positions - was to adjourn for the traditional summer recess. The First Session of the 50th Congress (1·L 2014-15) will convene on Sept. 15. Patria's Congress is strictly a September-to-June body, paralleling the school year. Congressional sessions during the months of July and August are extremely rare.

Inaugural Ball? Here it is!
Although a US-style formal Inaugural Ball had been part of Patria's previous Inauguration Days, there was no such event in 2014. It didn't seem appropriate to hold an Inaugural Ball in light of the 49th Congress austerity budgets, Patria's generally shaky economy, and an Inaugural Address than slammed "soulless plutocrats and amoral one-percenter privateers". Not to mention that it is an extremely uncomfortable event for Aspies, who likely wouldn't be able to find a date to bring to the ball and hate dressing up in formal attire. (BTW, the uniform of the day for the inaugural ceremony was satsang whites or traditional Hindu: saris for the girls, dhotis and kurtas for the guys.)

Monday, June 30, 2014

50th Congress Inaugural Address

The following is a transcription of the Inaugural Address/Speech from the Throne, delivered shortly after 12:00 noon on June 30, 2014

 Om gam ganapataye namaha. Sahana vavatu, saha nau bhunaktu, saha viryam karavavahai, tejasvi navadhitam astu, ma vidvishavahai. Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

 Mr. Chief Justice, members of the Fiftieth Congress, all those who served in the Forty-ninth Congress, distinguished guests, fellow citizens of Patria, embodiments of divine souls, Amma’s beloved children: Hari Bol, Om Namah Shivaya, Jai Bhagwan and blessings of the Holy Mother and the lineage of Divine Masters.

The oath of office that you heard sworn just a few moments ago is the same oath that was taken on this day in 1914. A century ago today, as the Twenty-Fifth Congress was inaugurated, we read in the Patria Gazette or Castoropolis Chronicle the accounts of the assassination of an obscure heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne and doubted that any nation would be willing to go to war over such an event. We likely believed that if war did break out in the summer of 1914, the conflict would be short, with limited casualties, and would not destroy a generation of the world’s youth, overthrow some of the macro-world’s mightiest empires, or become the breeding ground of a deadly flu epidemic. Who would have known on this day in 1914 that the death of an Archduke that few of our fellow citizens had heard of, in a country that few could find on a map, would plunge the world into four years of brutal, bitter war, four years of utterly senseless fratricidal slaughter of soldiers and civilians alike – a global war that had never been experienced in the history of warfare and that thanks to a peace treaty tainted with vindictiveness toward the alleged aggressors would be experienced again, on an even larger scale, only two short decades later. Therefore, on this centennial anniversary, let us pause briefly to remember those who sacrificed their lives amid the trenches and poison gas of the Great War. Lokah samastah sukhino bhavantu.

Of course the Great War of 1914-1918 did not prove to be the “war to end all wars”. And likewise the Great Recession of 2008 will not be known as the “recession to end all recessions”. Indeed, for a fair portion of Patria the downturn is still continuing. The Swadeshi Ramrajya’s exhortations to take back the economy resonate as strongly today as in 2010. Many of our citizens have faced four long years of unemployment, wire to wire in the previous administration. Jobless statistics today may look better than four years ago only because an untold number have disappeared from the unemployment rolls not because they have stopped looking for work but because they have decided out of desperation to take part-time jobs, low-skill dead-end jobs, or subsistence-level jobs that pay substantially less than their pre-downturn salary, if not minimum wage. From the shuttered factories of the Rust Belt in Centralia to the empty cubicles of abandoned office parks in suburban Caesarea, so much of Patria is still awaiting the long-promised recovery, still asking “where are the jobs?” The nefarious macro-world forces of globalization, offshoring and free trade are only partially to blame. Within Patria there is no lack of heartless, spineless bean counters in the executive suites who did not hesitate to export jobs to China and throw Patrienish citizens out of work by the thousands if doing so would turn healthy profits and enrich their shareholders. The made-in-Patria economy, the SRM’s calls to put Patria first and bring the jobs home, the rejection of globalism, can only succeed when Congress ceases to act as an army of mercenaries fighting on behalf of the corporate elite. Now is the time to end once and for all corporate welfare and tax breaks for the plutocracy. Now is the time for Congress to enact a minimum wage of 570 rupees an hour, approximately 15 US dollars, the hourly minimum wage that was recently passed in Seattle, Washington. This new Congress must enact appropriate legislation in order to ensure a level playing field and fair play for the manufacturing industries, along with living wages, job security and access to advanced training for Patria’s working class, who increasingly require specialized technical education or a college degree in order to find work, whereas not long ago there were many well-paying jobs that could be filled with only a high school diploma.

Once again, as it has been referenced on previous inauguration days, Patria must fight the growing gender gap in education. We have long known that from grade school to graduate school, from ABCs to PhDs, girls are excelling, succeeding and achieving on a much higher level than almost all the boys. Girls enter school with a lead on boys, and schools then fail to close the gaps. Instead, they increase. The behavioral advantage that girls have over boys in kindergarten, based on teachers’ assessments of their students, grow even larger by middle school. By high school, even advanced math and science classes – once a male stronghold – now have far more girls than boys. At college graduation ceremonies across Patria this spring, women in caps and gowns vastly outnumbered men. And in an economy that rewards knowledge rather than physical strength, the academic struggles of boys turn into economic struggles. If Patria is to build a better economy and leave the previous decade’s global economic downturn behind, we must solve our boy problems.

The failure of holding boys back so that they enter first grade one year later than girls needs not be elaborated. It is simply a recipe to increase the dropout rate of boys. There is insufficient evidence that single-sex boys-only schools are helping narrow the educational gender gap, let alone transform effete boys into tough National Union men. In this new administration, Patria’s boys – at least those who are academically diligent enough to graduate from high school and be accepted into college – and girls too, of course, should have the opportunity to reap the benefits of beyond-the-classroom learning, spiritual growth, self-awareness, social maturity and all-round expansiveness that can be gained during an academic interregnum between high school senior and college freshman year. The gap year, long a standard practice in the United Kingdom, must become standard in Patria as well. If you, as a twelfth-grader, have studied hard in order to get top grades, played hard in intramurals and varsity sports, and have just learned that you’ve been accepted into the university you had your heart set on, you probably can’t wait for Frosh Week in September. But perhaps you should wait. Our young men and women should not be required to make the transition from high school to university over one short summer, but instead should devote themselves over the course of one calendar year or academic session to a well-structured program that may include macro-world travel, learning foreign languages and absorbing foreign cultures in real-world environments, deepening yoga sadhana, advancing the practice of Sanatan Dharma by spending some time at an ashram such as Amritapuri or Penusila, seva or selfless service at home by doing volunteer work for charitable organizations in the local community, and even the ultimate patriotic duty of military service. In the US, where the gap year has begun to take hold, universities are reporting an increase in GPA, greater engagement in campus life, increased likelihood that students will graduate 'on time' or within four years, and of course greater clarity with career ambitions. For the students who enter university after a gap year, they actually have something interesting to say to their professors and classmates. With such a packed year of life experiences, with the world as their teacher, there's simply much more to share, relate to, and communicate. These personal anecdotes can come out in conversation with faculty, in essays and in job applications, and of course can be shared at the college pub.

The colleges and universities that our post-millennial children enter, in Patria as well in America, are for the most part traditional bastions of liberalism – a chorus of liberal voices from students and faculty alike that is once again making itself heard beyond the campus. As a result of the Supreme Court’s recent decision that Patria’s gay and lesbian citizens must be accorded full and equal rights – including the right to marry the life partner they choose – as well as the growing unpopularity of American-style social conservatism that was evidenced during the 2014 election campaign, Patria is turning away from the old refrain that it must remain “safe for social conservatives”. With the Positive Possibilities coalition being buttressed by the resurgent Social Democrats in the Fiftieth Congress, there can be little doubt that Patria is experiencing a new shift away from economic conservatism, neo-conservatism or paleo-conservatism toward social justice and more liberal or progressive values. These values, of course, had never disappeared from Patria’s Congress and the public square but since the turn of the millennium had been nearly drowned under the now-receding tide of right-wing activism fueled by petty, regressive busybodies who took their marching orders from evangelical Christians, American Tea Party politicians, Rush Limbaugh, and the other rightist AM radio talk show hosts as they set the agenda to re-criminalize abortion, relegate homosexuality to the closet, exalt chastity and abstinence as the only acceptable expressions of sexuality outside of marriage, and keep women swaddled under layers of “modest” clothing. 

Along with the rejection of social conservative values and the now-discredited, oxymoronic “forward to the 1950s” slogan, Patria is no longer a safe place for big-business economic conservatives or corporate conservatives who dominate the US Republican Party to do business. Our armed forces exist only to defend Patria in case of imminent attack, not to fight needless foreign wars on behalf of Big Oil and to keep the military-industrial complex in business. The Koch brothers and ALEC are not welcome to set up shop here. The CEOs of megabanks and transnational corporations without social consciences, whose highest loyalty is the bottom line, are persona non grata in Patria. Let this be Patria’s warning to the banksters and corporate welfare recipients: too big to fail is not too big to jail. As we have seen over the course of the Forty-Ninth Congress, austerity has failed to stimulate Patria’s economy and has brought no benefits to the unemployed, working poor and what remains of the middle class. Therefore, let us move on from that mean-spirited cut-to-the-bone policy. Those who advocate slashing or tax-cutting our way out of recession will ultimately prove to be on the wrong side of public opinion. Through judicious and responsible spending on social programs, this government does have a duty of care for all citizens of Patria, particularly those who are experiencing poverty and misfortune though no fault of their own. Taxes must be maintained at fiscally sound rates and collected for the common good, in order to provide public services and programs that benefit and uplift every man, woman and child in Patria, not cut in order to benefit the soulless plutocrats and amoral one-percenter privateers. As Theodore Roosevelt said, “a great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be great or a democracy”. Nonetheless, even a more liberal or progressive Patria will continue to speak truth to leftist orthodoxy and the tired tenets of political correctness. If it is at all possible in this new Congress, and not an oxymoron, Patria should become a home of grassroots liberal-libertarian or liberal-populist activism – a made-in-Patria version of libertarianism or populism that does not support the hypocrisy of depending on the “free market” to decide all economic issues while relying on extra-constitutional government decrees for social questions that affect consenting adults’ personal lives, such as the right to seek a safe abortion or to marry a partner of the same sex. Patria must continue to stand completely and unflinchingly for free speech and uncensored open debate of even the most controversial, loathsome, distasteful and unpopular views, such as patriotic immigration reform, condemnation of Israeli neo-apartheid as distinct from condemnation of Judaism or individual Jews, whether certain races or ethnicities have higher IQs than others, and America’s role as the macro-world’s judge, jury and executioner. Dissident voices, both right and left, must find a home in the Inner Realm, free from fear of being stamped down by federal authorities and local police. Patria must man the front lines of the battle against the muzzling of politically incorrect thoughts. Patria must take its place in the vanguard of the battle for non-violent expressions of ideas and beliefs that the PC thought police would dare to criminalize. Deeds may be illegal, but thoughts can never be! Die Gedanken sind frei!

 Amid the proliferation of big-government food police and non-government social busybodies, particularly animal-rights zealots, who are quick to pass judgment on our dinner table, eating meat may be one of Patria’s most politically incorrect acts. The many environmental and personal health benefits of a vegetarian diet are duly noted, as are the unsavory aspects of animal slaughter. Nonetheless, vegetarians and vegans do not hold the moral high ground. Neither do organizations such as PETA, who bully and shame meat eaters if not criminalize them outright. Those who claim to profess such a high degree of compassion for animals should afford at least some of that compassion toward their fellow humans. While one should not expect non-vegetarian food at a temple, ashram or yoga retreat – with the possible exception of Kripalu, or what is left of it almost two decades since the ouster of its former resident guru – there is no verse in the Bhagavad Gita or in the other scriptures of Sanatan Dharma that explicitly states “thou shalt not eat meat”. If the teaching of non-violence on the path of Sanatan Dharma consisted only of not eating meat, we would not need the presence of sadgurus such as Amma and Karunamayi or the legacy of great souls such as Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King to impart the true meaning of ahimsa. Those who choose to eat moderate amounts of animal protein may have legitimate medical reasons, both Western and Ayurvedic, for doing so. By following the recommendations of their personal physician or Ayurvedic practitioner, or trusting their own inner healer, they are not lacking in personal will power, compassion for animals, care for the environment or commitment to sadhana. Real transformation begins within, not with what is on ones plate. Therefore, moving forward in this new administration, Patria’s message to vegetarians and vegans is to let go of “you are what you eat”, treat people as ethically as you claim to treat animals, and mind your own business about your fellow citizen’s food choices.

Vegetarian or not, one of the main courses on this new administration’s plate is a meaty or juicy celebration of the Inner Realm’s two hundredth birthday in 2018. The Fiftieth Congress shall have the responsibility to plan Patria-wide commemorations and to fund local bicentennial initiatives. The spirit of 1818 is upon us! Plan your bicentennial project now!

On this day Patria also remembers the legacy of the late Pete Seeger, who inscribed on his banjo: “This machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender”. From the 1940s until short days before his passing in January of this year at the age of 94, Pete Seeger was deeply involved in nearly every social cause, from labor unions to civil rights, from anti-war protests to the environmental movement. Even if we disagree with Seeger’s political views, such as his ties to the Communist Party, his social activism and musical genius continue to be an inspiration to Patria. From lullabies at mother’s bosom, to sing-songs around the campfire at summer camp, to protest marching chants at university, Patria has grown up with Seeger’s songs. From bringing songs like Guantanamera, Wimoweh and even Raghupate Raghava Raja Ram to the United States to teaching We Shall Overcome to Dr. King, Pete Seeger has truly changed the world, and has done so non-violently, armed only with a banjo and a voice. Though bhajan and kirtan, as well as traditional hymns and folk music, let us take the slogan on Pete Seeger’s banjo to heart in the Fiftieth Congress, as in the words of Psalm 100 we “make a joyful noise unto the Lord” and come before His presence with song. Inspired by Patria’s presence at Bhakti Fest Midwest a few days ago in Madison, Wisconsin, Patria pledges to be in the Bhav and to move the intense heart-opening joyous kirtan experienced one week ago into this Realm’s public squares and halls of government. With voices united, one in spirit, one in fellowship, Patria will sing the names and praises of all the Devas and Devis. Hail to your glory!

As Patria marks a new beginning and places into office a new body of lawmakers, as Patria affirms the strength of its Constitution and promise of its democracy, as Patria reflects on the centenary of the horrific Great War and prepares to celebrate its bicentennial in 2018, let us acknowledge the supreme lawmaker and lawgiver. The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul. The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart. The judgments of the Lord are true, they are righteous altogether. Behold, a good doctrine has been given unto you. Forsake it not. May peace and goodwill prevail among all the inhabitants of this Inner Realm, and may God bless Patria!

 © 2014, L Con. Pat. The above text is an official transcription, preserved in the Archives of Patria. Any re-broadcast, re-transmission or other use of the pictures, descriptions or accounts of this Inauguration ceremony without the express written consent of the Undersecretary for Protocol, Ministry of the Interior and the Ministry of Dharma of Patria is strictly prohibited. Don’t fool with us, boy! We will throw your sorry ass in the slammer!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

End of the line for 49th Congress

The 49th Congress passed into history after an all-day Saturday session that continued past midnight until the ratification of Patria's fiscal 2015 budget was completed. The budget is traditionally the final item to be ratified by Congress before adjourning for the summer recess.

With no further items on the order paper, the Speaker of the House killed off the lame duck session by delivering the message that Patria had been waiting to hear since election day two and one half months ago: with the Divine Mother’s blessings, the Forty-Ninth Congress has completed the Fourth Session and has thereby come to the end of its term of office...Under the power vested in me by the Constitution of Patria, I declare the Forty-Ninth Congressus Patriaë adjourned sine die.

The Speaker's gavel hit the desk and the vuvuzela blew at 12:52 AM PLT (Patrienish Local Time) on Sunday, June 29.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Smack Off XX: Mike in Indy and Chael Sonnen co-champions

Smack-Off XX, which aired today in Patria on PMBC-1152 and on CBS Sports Network stations all across America, and trended on Twitter with the hashtag #Smackoff20, was the twentieth anniversary edition of the legendary annual competition in which select Jim Rome show listeners are invited to provide their best “Smack Talk.” The contest is a way to recognize the best callers to the show, as well as a means of determining the best caller of the year. Every fourth year in Patria, the Smack-Off also serves to determine the Jungle Party caucus in the new Congress.

The title of "King of Smack" for 2014 is shared, as Mike in Indy and 2012 Smack-Off champion Chael Sonnen joined forces for a unique tag-team call. Defending 2013 champion Mark in Hollywood finished a strong second. The Jungle Party's 28 seats in the 50th Congress-elect (two more seats than the National Union!) are awarded to current and former Smack-Off participants and legendary Clones, as follows:
  1. Jim Rome (House Leader)* - FDC
  2. Jason ("J-Stew") Stewart* - FDC
  3. Vic in NoCal*  - Lazuria
  4. Mike in Indy* - Aeolia
  5. Dr. Mike DiTolla* - Aeolia
  6. Joe in the O.C.* - Caesarea
  7. Iafrate* - Centralia
  8. Jay Mohr* - Centralia
  9. Terrence in Sierra Madre* - Canardiere
  10. Brad in Corona* - Lazuria
  11. Dan in DC* - Arboria
  12. Gino in San Antonio - Antioch
  13. Chael Sonnen - Ambrosia
  14. Lance in Topeka (legendary song-writing Hack) - Centralia
  15. Greg in Vegas* - Nova Columbia
  16. RayRay in Tampa* - Pottsylvania
  17. Rachel in Houston* - Caesarea
  18. Jeff on a car phone in Phoenix* - Haldimania
  19. Stevie Carbone from LMU* - Canardiere
  20. Little Alvin Delloro* - Lazuria
  21. Trapper in Dana Point* - Fredonia
  22. Dave in St. Louis (non-hunter) - Caesarea
  23. Boatie in Pearland - Caesarea
  24. Mike in Wichita - Caesarea
  25. Jason in Little Rock - Caesarea
  26. Silk-Brah - Caesarea
  27. Mark in Hollywood - Nova Columbia
  28. Leff in Laguna (Golden Ticket winner) - Nova Columbia
* Incumbent Jungle Party caucus member from 2010.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Post-Bhakti Fest: be in the lame duck Bhav!

Bhakti Fest - the official pre-inaugural kirtan ball of the 50th Congress-elect - concluded on Sunday (June 22). To use a Jim Rome analogy, Bhakti Fest is the Smack-Off for yoga teachers and kirtan singers: the best of the best, who are there by invite only.

To state the obvious, the yoga classes were totally awesome and the kirtan - headlined by the "chant master of American yoga" Krishna Das - rocked the house. Or the House, as in Patria's 50th Congress-elect, which was given a major infusion of shakti going forward to Inauguration day.

Disclaimer: the views expressed in the following two paragraphs are this blogger's own and do not represent the opinions of the Inner Realm of Patria or the 50th Congress-elect.

Making the trek to Madison, WI were the usual left-over hippies, most of whom were not yet born in the 1960s, sporting dreadlocks and dreadful tattoos. Do these people ever stop to think how lame that ink will look when they're, say, 60 or 70 years old? Or how do they expect to find a job? Unless, of course, they're self-employed, perhaps as the owner of a tattoo shop, in which case they don't have to worry about personal appearance at job interviews. There was no shortage of stereotypical new-agey bliss-blobs, vegan zealots and far-leftists (e.g. women who flaunt unshaven legs and/or underarms to make a political statement), but such demographics are usually expected at events like Bhakti Fest.

What was not expected, at least by Patria, was that the event seemed to be as lily-white as a Tea Party convention. Bhakti Fest might as well have been Caucasian Fest! As far as this blogger could tell, of the thousands in attendance during that weekend in the Wisconsin capital, there couldn't have been more than a handful of Indians (South Asians, not First Nations), and very few African Americans and Latinos as well. This is in stark contrast to the diversity seen at Amma's North American tour programs, where there is always a mix of Indians and Westerners - in some cases a 50-50 mix or a plurality of non-First Worlder White ethnicities.


One of the few non-white faces at Bhakti Fest belonged to Nina Rao, who led the daily chanting of the Hanuman Chalisa.

Having returned from Bhakti Fest and having received Amma's blessings for the new administration, Patria is locked and loaded, infused with the bhav for Inauguration Day on June 30. In the meantime, it's back to work for the lame-duck 49th Congress. There are still at least two more sitting days, and possibly the June 28-29 weekend, in which to ratify Patria's fiscal 2015 budget and get a whack of legislation passed before the Speaker of the House swings the gavel and blows the vuvuzela.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Hey Patria, take five for 50 Ale!

Crack open a cold "Fitty" for the 50th Congress! To virtually no one's surprise, Labatts 50 Ale - a classic Canadian beer brewed under license in Patria - is the official beer of Patria's inauguration celebrations.

Me and the boys and our 50!



50 ("Cinquante") was always more popular in Quebec than in the rest of Canada.



Who doesn't love stubby beer bottles? Classic Canadian, now brewed in Patria!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Bhakti Fest: Patria's official pre-inauguration retreat

"Be in the Bhav" for the 50th Congress!
Bhakti Fest Midwest in Madison, WI June 20-22 is the official pre-inauguration retreat of the 50th Congress-elect. Bhakti Fest is a festival which celebrates the devotional path that has its roots in yoga, kirtan, and meditation. It embraces ancient and modern sacred wisdom and traditional and non-traditional spiritual practices. The festival is a vehicle for the evolution of human consciousness through a heart-centered revolution. Bhakti Fest builds a community of people drawn to follow the path of the heart – a devotional, prayerful, loving, healthful, respectful family.

The last ten days of the old administration: crank up the devotion and chant your guts out with Krishna Das and other leading kirtan-wallahs. Be in the Bhav and represent Patria in the heart of America's Dairyland!

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Smack-Off XX airs June 27

Jungle Party House Leader Jim Rome announced that Smack-Off XX - the twentieth annual event for the best of the best callers in the Jungle - would take place on Friday, June 27 - a mere 72 hours before Inauguration Day! The Smack-Off is Christmas in June not only for Jim Rome's devoted Clones (listeners) worldwide, but in Patria as well. The results of the 2014 Smack-Off determine the Jungle Party's caucus in the 50th Congress-elect. Will Mark in Hollywood defend his 2013 Smack-Off title? What other legendary Clones will claim the Jungle Party's 28 seats that were won on April 19? Tune in on June 27, amid the pre-Inaugural festivities of the last few days of the old administration. In Castoropolis, your Jungle affiliate is PMBC-1152.

Note that there will not be a Hack-Off for the worst of the worst callers. Rome killed the Hack-Off after the 2013 show turned into an unmitigated train wreck with no Hack being able to win the prize of a berth in the Smack-Off. The Rat Family has a better chance than the Hack-Off of returning to the Jungle.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Arboria Beavers repeat as Kamala Cup champions

Your 2013-14 Kamala Cup champions. Beavers' home and away jerseys.
The Arboria Beavers defeated the Caesarea Violets in six games to claim back-to-back Kamala Cups and their fifth PHL title in the past decade. With only two rounds of playoffs in the PHL, the Kamala Cup is decided much sooner than the Stanley Cup.

The following are the final scores. Note that the first five games were decided in overtime, and game six was also decided by only one goal. Old-time hockey!

Game 1, @ Arboria, May 8 - Caesarea 5, Arboria 4 (2 OT)
Game 2, @ Arboria, May 10 - Arboria 2, Caesarea 1 (OT)
Game 3, @ Caesarea, May 13 - Arboria 2, Caesarea 1 (2 OT)
Game 4, @ Caesarea, May 15 - Caesarea 3, Arboria 2 (OT)
Game 5, @ Arboria, May 16 - Arboria 3, Caesarea 2 (OT)
Game 6, @ Caesarea, May 18 - Arboria 6, Caesarea 4 (Arboria's last goal an empty-netter)

Friday, May 16, 2014

Om Namo! Patria congratulates Narendra Modi

"India has won, good days are about to come!" 
The lame-duck 49th Congress passed a resolution congratulating Narendra Modi on his election as India's Prime Minister and wishing him all the blessings of the Devas and Devis as he goes to New Delhi to head the new government in India's Lok Sabha (parliament). The former Chief Minister of Gujarat led the pro-Hindu Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) to a resounding victory over the Congress Party, the legacy party of Nehru and the Gandhi's (Indira, Rajiv, Sonia, Rahul, etc., who of course are no relation to Mahatma!) that had ruled India almost continuously since independence in 1947.

Like the SRM in Patria, Modi's BJP campaigned hard on promises to revive India's economy and re-establish India's Hindu identity. However, many Indians still have profound concerns over Modi because of claims he did little to stop communal riots in Gujarat in 2002 that killed thousands of people, mostly Muslims. The liberal parties in Patria such as the Social Democrats and Chakras also express some concerns, but in general Patria welcomes the change in government in the macro-world's largest democracy.

Narendra Modi is affectionately known as "NaMo", as in the Kripalu guru mantra Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya!


The leader of India's BJP gets some face time with the leader of Patria's Amrita Party.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

New version of "Yoga in the Nightclub"

Parvati Devi (honorary citizen of Patria since 2010) has come out with a new version of her chart-topping electronica signature song Yoga in the Nightclub. Official release is coming in June, just in time for the inauguration of Patria's 50th Congress, but you can listen to the pre-release here:



Parvati says, "Yoga is a beautiful, powerful and subtle 5000 year old life-science. Though popular yoga practices today often focus on flexibility, strength and tight bodies, the essence of yoga goes far beyond this. The literal meaning of Yoga is union. In my musical works, I am creatively and spiritually inspired by the yogic truth that we are one. My hope is that ‘Yoga In The Nightclub’ may inspire people to find peace, balance and unity anywhere, at any time - whether in a meditation hall, at work, or in a nightclub. Breathe. Be. We are one Earth family".

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Patria Post honors Pete Seeger

On what would have been Pete Seeger's 95th birthday, Patria Post has issued a commemorative stamp honoring the legendary folk singer and social activist who wrote on his banjo: "this machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender".


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

What time is it in Patria? It's lame-duck session time!

Meanwhile in midtown Castoropolis, as the transition to the 50th Congress-elect begins, the old 49th Congress has returned to the Capitol for the traditional post-election lame duck session. Until a day or two before the June 30 Inauguration Day, there will be legislation to pass, a 2015 budget to ratify, and a number of other loose ends to tie up before the Speaker (or Speaker Pro Tem) can pound the gavel, blow the vuvuzela and declare the 49th Congress adjourned sine die. The first act of the lame duck session is to officially certify the results of last Saturday's election.

Precinct-by-precinct election returns.

The Voice of Labor in Patria. The Social Democrats came away with 49 seats.

Monday, April 21, 2014

50th Congress winners and losers, remembering "Hurricane" Carter

The real winner in Patria's election is true democracy. Unlike in Canada's nearly useless first-past-the-post, where so many votes are wasted and elect no one, Patria's proportional representation ensures that virtually every party on the ballot will obtain representation in Congress, even if only a single seat.

Although they lost 10 seats from 2010, the Amrita Party can claim victory in Campaign 2014. There will be four more years of "love and serve", four more years of Amma as the Honorable Member from the Precinct of Arboria. The Social Democrats, an old-school liberal-progressive and social justice party that was virtually untouched by the Dharmic Revolution in 1989-90, is arguably the biggest winner of Campaign 2014. With 49 seats in the 50th Congress-elect, up 16 seats from 2010, they are no longer a "mid-major". The SD will be a key ally of the Amrita and Chakra parties, giving the so-called Positive Possibilities coalition the simple 51% majority needed to pass most legislation. Note that Patria's annual budgets and special bills designated as requiring a "super majority" for ratification require a two-thirds majority; consequently the Amrita-Chakra-SD coalition will require support of the some of the smaller parties such as the Greens and Lilith, as well as any SRM or Jungle Party votes they can pry away.

The SRM is back in force, its "Patria first" and "take back the economy" messages resonating well with voters who are still trying to recover from the GED (global economic downturn) of the last decade. The SRM's commitment to traditional Hinduism also got out the votes in Campaign 2014, and will help the more moderate SRMers find common ground with Amrita, and support the PosPos coalition on key legislation. Bipartisan in the US Congress is more like "quadripartisan" or "pentapartisan" in Patria!

The Jungle Party (28 seats, up 7 from 2010) stepped its game up. Jim Rome and the Clones are no longer a niche party. Jim Rome attracts more than unemployed (or unemployable), overweight, socially inept 20 or 30-something men living in their parents' basements or couch-surfing with fellow nerds and getting little pleasure or intellectual stimulation out of life beyond what they hear on the radio for three hours every working day. Rome attracts Patriens from all walks of life who crave a mature, sober voice of in-depth sports talk and hard-hitting social commentary.

The macho he-men of the National Union came up losers in 2014. They have sunk further into irrelevance - from 70 seats in 2006, to only 35 in 2010, and now down to 26, and trailing the Jungle Party, who likely siphoned off some NU voters. National Unionists have only themselves to blame. The image of NU men owning big dogs and portraying cat owners as pussies in every sense of the word did not go over well. Unlike previous campaigns, the NU did not even mention the death penalty or public flogging for petty lawbreakers. Indeed, the NU's traditional law and order "lock 'em up and throw away key" platform took a back seat to the image of the NU man as a pitbull-owning, Marlboro-smoking, Harley-riding alpha male.

The biggest losers are arguably Patria's social conservatives and the tiny evangelical Christian fringe that has been fighting an incredibly losing battle to take Patria back to the 1950s. On the Campaign 2014 trail, support for such social conservative hobby horses as banning public displays of affection by boyfriend-girlfriend couples and advocating "modest" dress for women dwindled to an all-time low. Patria's apparent shift to the left - if the resurgence of the Social Democrats is any evidence of a leftward or liberal trend - also helped put the nails into this particular right-wing coffin. Even the most orthodox SRM Hindus recognize that Patria's streets and public squares are not ashrams and temples, where of course they would frown on couples' kissing and women in short skirts. And of course, two days before election day the Supreme Court bitch-slapped the Bible-toters by overturning Patria's ban on same-sex marriage.

The day after the election, Patria paused to remember Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, the former boxer and advocate for the wrongfully imprisoned, who died at age 76. Carter's boxing career was cut short when he was sentenced to life in prison for a murder he didn't commit. Following his release in 1985 after almost 20 years in the New Jersey State Prison, he took up residence in Canada and established the Association in Defence of the Wrongly Convicted. In the 1970s a song by Bob Dylan drew attention to Carter's case and may have helped expedite his release from prison.

Hurricane - Bob Dylan from LA REVOLUCION ES AHORA! on Vimeo.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Patria Votes 2014: your new 50th Congress-elect

After all-night vote counting in the Federal District and Caesarea, final election returns for all of Patria were not available until early Sunday morning. Note that the following party allocations in the 333-seat Congressus Patriaë are tentative, pending judicial re-counts in some precincts. One or two seats could change hands.

Amrita Party : 68 [-10] 20.4%

Chakra Party : 59 [-4] 17.7%

SRM: 55 [+5] 16.5%

Social Democrats: 49 [+16] 14.7%

Jungle Party: 28 [+7] 8.4%

National Union: 26 [-9] 7.8%

Green Party: 13 [-5] 3.9%

Libertarian Party: 7 [-1]

Lilith Party: 7 [unchanged]

Chastity Party: 3 [unchanged]

Incel Party: 2 [-3]

Family Values Party: 2 [unchanged]

Victory and Peace Party: 2 [+1]

Reconstruction Party: 2 [+1]

Peoples' Party: 2 [+1]

One seat each: Freedom Party, Progressive Labor Centralia, Popular Front of Pottsylvania, Lazurian Independent Party, United Farmers of Arboria, Mauretanians United for Faith and Freedom (MUFF), Patriots Union of Nova Columbia (PUNC), Pottsylvanian Alliance.

The +/- change in seats from 2010 is noted in [ ]'s. The percentage of popular vote is also noted, for parties that scored seats in double figures. Including the single-seat "party of ones", a whopping 23 parties are represented in the 50th Congress-elect.

Following the Patriot's Day holiday on Monday, April 21, the 49th Congress will re-convene for its traditional lame duck session. The first act of the lame duck session is to certify the election returns. The last act is to ratify Patria's fiscal 2015 budget.

Friday, April 18, 2014

End of the road for 50th Congress campaign trail

Patria's marathon 2014 election campaign - almost as long as a US presidential election or the race for Mayor of Toronto - ends at 11:59 PM local Patria time tonight. By law, all campaigning and electioneering must end at one midnight before midnight on election day eve.

On the last day of Campaign 2014, the Chastity Party, Family Values Party and the rest of Patria's social conservative contingent are reeling from the Supreme Court's decision that legalized same-sex marriage in Patria. But apart from the usual tired old slogans ("healthy, happy, heterosexual", "look to the right", "throw the liberals out", "forward to the 1950s"), there is virtually no fight left in these right-wing busybodies and US Republican wannabes. They have all but conceded defeat on the gay marriage issue. Their hoary old "Patria must be a safe place for social conservatives" mantra has sputtered out and is roadkill on the 2014 campaign trail. Although a lot of hot air has been expended over the past four years advocating a ban on public displays of affection by couples and modest dress for women, as Campaign 2014 entered the home stretch there has been little support for such measures in the new administration. Indeed, Patria is not Gilead.

The major parties spent the last full day of the election campaign getting out the vote and shoring up support in the so-called battleground precincts. The SRM, Amrita and Chakra parties, as well as the Greens, campaigned hard in Caesarea and the Federal District of Castoropolis, where 99 seats are up for grabs. Amrita also campaigned heavily in Arboria, Amma's home precinct in Patria, where the Amrita Party is facing a major challenge from the old-school Hindu SRM. The Social Democrats focused on prying votes away from the "take back the economy" SRM in Centralia, Aeolia and Nova Columbia - Patria's rust belt, which was hit hard by the 2008-09 recession and still has not recovered. The National Union's macho men and big dogs campaigned for support in the mid-major precincts of Aeolia, Antioch, Ambrosia (the "triple A precincts"), Mauretania, Lazuria as well as the Caesarea suburbs of Castoropolis. The Jungle Party held its rally in downtown Castoropolis, at the studios of PMBC-1152, the flagship station of the Jim Rome Show.

Since pre-election polls are officially banned in Patria, neither the news media or any party have any real idea of which party is the front-runner or how many seats a party is likely to win. The vote amounts to 14 crap-shoots in the 13 precincts and the Federal District of Castoropolis. The difference between democracy and feudalism: in democracy your vote counts, in feudalism your count votes!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Supreme Court overturns Patria's ban on gay marriage

A mere two days before election day, the Supreme Court of Patria not only stabbed social conservatives in the back but twisted the knife as well. The Supreme Court judges ruled that Patria's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional even if there was no actual legislation on the books banning gay and lesbian marriages, only an unwritten law or gentleman's agreement that marriage is by definition reserved exclusively for heterosexual couples.

The Family Values Party, Chastity Party, an assortment of Evangelical Christians and other social conservative organizations who have been pushing the "family values" "forward to the 1950s" and "healthy, happy, heterosexual" messages during the 2014 election cycle failed to convince the Supreme Court that gay marriage would harm children, devalue traditional heterosexual marriage, destroy Patria's underlying traditional Judeo-Christian moral code (Patria never had much of it, even before the 1989-90 Dharmic Revolution), and overturn centuries of social tradition. Noting that the Constitution of Patria has continued to evolve since 1818 so that it can accommodate and address the realities of 21st century life, the Justices held that the word "marriage" in Patria's laws and statutes does not exclude same-sex marriage. The Court also noted that no pandit, pastor, priest or rabbi in Patria will ever be required to officiate a same-sex marriage: "legalizing same-sex marriages in Patria will not compel temples, churches, synagogues and other places of worship to perform marriages of gay or lesbian couples that are contrary to their beliefs because religious officials are not required to solemnize marriages which their teachings and scriptures do not condone". The onus will be on same-sex couples to find a clergyperson, justice or the peace or other public official willing to perform such a marriage.

Of course, for most Aspies, 40-something virgins and other socially inept nerds in Patria, this ruling is a moot point. Intimate long-term relationships, whether homosexual or heterosexual, are as complex as integral calculus and marriage is simply not an option.

Patria's home of the Supremes (and we don't mean Diana Ross and company)

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Centurions out of Kamala Cup playoffs as PHL season ends

Classic jerseys, crappy team. Castoropolis Centurions are the Toronto Maple Leafs of the PHL!
The Patrienish Hockey League's 2013-14 season came to an end with the Castoropolis Centurions on the outside looking in as the puck is set to drop on the Kamala Cup playoffs. Because of their penchant for breaking out the golf clubs in April, long history of bumbling and underachievement both on the ice and in the front office, not to mention their ridiculously loyal "Cents Nation" fan base, the Centurions have more than earned the title of "Toronto Maple Leafs of the PHL".

In the first round of the Kamala Cup playoffs, defending champion Arboria Beavers will host the Lazuria Black Barons, while the Centurions' hated cross-precinct rival Caesarea Violets will face off against the Centralia Crusaders.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Total Transformation: tough parenting for National Union moms and dads

If you do any AM radio listening at all, particularly to satellite-fed conservative talk shows and the usual syndicated sports talkers, you've probably heard ads for The Total Transformation: a tough-love zero-tolerance parenting program that claims to turn misbehaving, unruly, short attention-span children (from pre-school through teenagers) into compliant, obedient little National Unionists who will do as they are told by authority figures (i.e. their mom or dad). It is touted as a "step-by-step plan for stopping defiance, back talk, lying and disrespect":

Who’s really in charge at your home?

If you are trying to parent a defiant, out–of–control child, you know how their behavior affects everyone and everything in your home, from siblings to your relationship with your spouse.

It’s time to put you back in control of your home, and getting that control is simpler than you think.

The Total Transformation® will give you back the respect you deserve and the authority your children actually need from you.


As James Lehman, one of the creators of the Total Transformation program, notes: "The Total Transformation Program will help you deal with all the behaviors children and adolescents present as they develop into young adults. We focus primarily on the problem behaviors that prevent a child from getting along with others: developing self–esteem, managing anger, underachievement, school performance, substance abuse, and general social problem solving. We will give you specific tools and techniques to deal with problems such as fighting, arguing with parents, lying, temper tantrums, talking back, destroying property, picking on siblings or classmates, acting sullen and withdrawn, lack of motivation, cigarette smoking, substance abuse, and behavior problems in school and in the community. It’s important to note that the skills you learn in the program will help you to parent all your children, not only those who have attitude or behavior problems."

Although Total Transformation appears to be gender-neutral, it is particularly targeted to parents of boys. Everyone - from parents to police - knows that boys have much shorter attention spans and far more behavioral problems than girls. Parents can use Total Transformation in order to mold their wimpy little boys into tough National Union men who will keep the NU well represented in Congress in the decades to come.

To state the obvious, Total Transformation is endorsed and approved by the National Union - Patria's purveyors of obedience and respect for authority since 1854. Law and order begin at home.

Monday, April 7, 2014

A plethora of parties: who's on your 50th Congress ballot?

As Patria's 50th Congress election ballots are locked and loaded (advance and mail-in polls are already taking place), voters will be presented with a staggering array of parties to choose from. Unlike only two major parties in the USA, three in the UK and Canada (four including le Bloc Québecois), there will be at least 15 parties on the ballot when Patria votes on April 19:

  • Amrita Party
  • Chakra Party
  • Chastity Party
  • Family Values Party
  • Freedom Party
  • Green Party
  • Incel Party
  • Jungle Party
  • Libertarian Party
  • Lilith Party
  • National Union
  • Reconstructionist Party
  • Social Democrats
  • SRM
  • Victory and Peace Party
And that's not all. Additional parties may be found on the ballots of certain precincts: Peoples' Party (FDC, Casearea, Nova Columbia), Rationalist Party (FDC, Caesarea, Nova Columbia, Lazuria), Christian Heritage Party (Caesarea, Antioch), Lazurian Independent Party (Lazuria), Popular Front (Pottsylvania), Party for Personal Responsibility (Caesarea), New Age Centralia (Centralia). If you would rather vote "None of the above"? There's always the trusty "write in" space on the ballot!

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Election day in Afghanistan as Patria's ballots are printed

As millions of Afghans defied the Taliban's death threats to vote in elections that would choose a successor to retiring president Hamid Karzai, US Secretary of State John Kerry said the "vote demonstrates how committed the Afghan people are to protecting and advancing their democracy." He added that the United States "remains ready to work with the next president of Afghanistan." The voter turnout was so high that some polling stations ran out of ballots.

Riding on a donkey, Patria's 50th Congress ballot papers are on their way!
Meanwhile in Patria, there are less than two weeks remaining in the 50th Congress election campaign. All the parties, from the mighty Amrita, SRM, Chakra and NU to the one-seater nutbars are hitting the hustings hard for the final push toward April 19. The ballots with as many as 23 parties to choose from (your choices may vary depending on your Precinct) have been printed and are in the process of being delivered to polling stations across Patria. Most will arrive by truck, but in some remote areas of Patria, as in Afghanistan, the ballots and ballot boxes will be transported by the symbol of the US Democratic Party - the trusty donkey!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Defending dharma: SRM and Amrita Party pledge to protect Patria's Hindu legacy


Inspired by a recent Hindu rally held in Amma's Indian home state of Kerala, the SRM and Amrita Party joined forces to organize a "Defend Dharma" rally in Vanarpuri (Forest City), the capital of Amma's adopted Patrienish precinct of Arboria. With a mere three weeks remaining on the campaign trail until election day, supporters of the SRM's call of "Patria first" and the Amrita Party's promise of "four more years of Mother's love" pledged to unite against the injustice, unrighteousness and discrimination plaguing society, to defend Patria's Hindu legacy and to take up the fight to protect Dharma in the 50th Congress as each of their life’s vow. Sri Vishvesha Tirtha, the 32nd pontiff of the Pejavara Math of the lineage of Sri Madhvacharya lit the lamp and proclaimed the time has come to unite to protect Sanatana Dharma. In his inaugural address, Swami said Hindu Acharayas (Teachers) should unitedly fight against the attack on Amma and the Amritananadamayi Math in the wake of the allegations contained in Holy Hell, the hug-and-tell book recently published by Amma's former chief of staff Gail (Gayatri) Tredwell. "Patria is united under a single flag - the saffron flag of Hindu Dharma, side by side with the red, white and blue national flag".

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Patria is not Gilead: Social Democrats

In one of the strongest condemnations yet on the 50th Congress campaign trail, the Social Democrats denounced Patria's social conservative rump:
Patria is not Gilead. Patria is not, and will never be, a Christian theocracy. The Family Values and Chastity Parties cannot be allowed to be the tail wagging the socially liberal, Sanatan Dharma-based dog. Patria must move forward into the 2010s, not be dragged back to the 1950s. There is a reason why Family Values and Chastity parties hold only five seats in the 49th Congress and are not likely to win many more in the 50th: the voters of Patria are not buying your tired old "safe place for social conservatives" schtick. Patria is not willing to enforce "modest" dress codes on women or ban couples from kissing in public. There is no political will anywhere in Patria to criminalize abortion, homosexuality, pre-marital or extra-marital sex. Check your social mores at the door when you leave your church.
The Social Democrats are a traditional tax-and-spend liberal, left-leaning social democratic party, like the Democrats in the US or NDP in Canada. With 33 seats in the 49th Congress, they are more than a small niche party but not quite a major player like the SRM, Amrita or Chakra Parties. To use the NCAA March Madness terminology, the SD would be a mid-major party. And as college basketball fans know, Mid-Majors can make some noise in March.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Vatican plot against Amma?

Four more years for Amma? Not if the Vatican has anything to say about it!
As if Amma and the Amrita Party don't have to campaign hard enough in order to fight off the challenge of the macho National Union, and to forge sometimes uneasy alliances with the new-agey Chakra Party, old-school liberal Social Democrats, Jim Rome's Jungle Party clones, and even some of the moderate elements of the hard-core Hinduism-cum-economic patriotism SRM, they are now dealing with rumors that Opus Dei (in cahoots with the Vatican) is launching a campaign to discredit Amma.

Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) International president Ashok Singhal on Friday [March 14] alleged that a secret agency under the Vatican Government was behind launching the malicious campaign against Mata Amritanandamayi and her Math. He told a news conference here that Mata was not only one of the top spiritual leaders of the country but a great spiritual figure venerated across the globe as well.

‘’There is a conspiracy against our mahatmas, sages and saints. Jihadi elements and fundamentalist forces have launched a malicious campaign. Some Communist organisations also feel satisfied in tarnishing Hindu spiritual leaders whenever they get an opportunity,’’ he said.

He urged the television channels in Kerala, especially the ones under the control of the jihadi elements and fundamentalist forces and the Left, to refrain from maligning Hindu spiritual leaders.

Whether in India or Patria, haters be hatin'. Particularly when it's election time!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Can Patria win the culture wars?

Pat Buchanan, patron saint of conservative culture warriors.
The so-called culture war - the battle between those values considered traditionalist or conservative and those considered progressive or liberal - is another battle front on Patria's 2014 campaign trail. Speaking at the 1992 Republican national convention, Pat Buchanan claimed that "there is a religious war going on in our country for the soul of America. It is a cultural war, as critical to the kind of nation we will one day be as was the Cold War itself." There is no lack of Buchanan paleo-conservatives in Patria who believe that old-school social conservative values such as opposition to feminism, homosexuality and abortion rights are endangered or simply no longer exist in Patria. But social conservatism in Patria goes beyond those right-wing talking points and hobby horses usually expounded by Republicans, whether mainstream GOP or Tea Party. Making Patria "a safe place for social conservatives" runs the gamut of throwing men in jail for patronizing prostitutes, agitating against pre-marital sex, returning to "1950s values" (whatever they were), imposing "modest" dress codes on women and banning public displays of affection between heterosexual couples. Same-sex couples too for that matter!

As Campaign 2014 moves into its final month, the "safe place for social conservatives" campaign appears to be running out of steam. The Supreme Court of Patria could overturn Patria's ban on gay marriage before election day or during the pre-inauguration transition. The death penalty, so beloved of right-wing law-and-order types, has barely registered on the 2014 campaign trail. Even the National Union is not wasting campaign time on bringing back the death penalty (as recently as 2010 the NU was promising to bring back public executions). Modest dress for women, presumably similar to what is on the books at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University, seems like something one might expect in a Christian theocracy, as if traditional Hindu women's attire such as a sari isn't modest enough. There is virtually no proof that the ban on public displays of kissing, necking and other displays of affection will help make Aspies, 40 year old virgins and other socially inept nerds feel more comfortable and safe on the streets of Patria.

Patria may be proudly politically incorrect, but it is not a Christian theocracy or a US Republican's wet dream, despite the best efforts of minor niche parties like the Chastity and Family Values Party.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

"March surprise" as Congress takes pre-election break?

 In the US presidential election, which takes place in early November, an "October surprise" is news event deliberately created by the Republicans or Democrats in order to influence the election's outcome, such as rumors of a last-minute deal to end the Vietnam war in 1968 or to release the Iranian hostages in 1980. In Patria, with many more parties than America's bipolar political world, there is the potential for several March surprises. But they rarely happen on Patria's campaign trail. If there is to be a "March surprise" in 2014, rumors are swirling around the gay village in downtown Castoropolis that the Supreme Court of Patria could rule in favor of same-sex marriage, as a number of US states' laws against gay marriage have been overturned (even Bible Belt conservative Republican red states like Texas). If Patria's ban on gay marriage is found unconstitutional a month before election time, it would be quite a slap in the face to all those in the Chastity Party, Family Values Party and the Hindu right wing who have been repeating the same mantra election cycle after election cycle: Patria must remain a "safe place for social conservatives".

With six weeks and change until election day, the Fourth Session, 49th Congress (4·XLIX 2013-14) has adjourned for the traditional pre-election home stretch in order to allow members of Congress to campaign in their home precincts. Congress will re-convene a few days after April 19 for the also traditional lame-duck session that will adjourn sine die just as the workers finish building the platform on the Capitol stairs for the oath of office ceremony and the reviewing stands for the inaugural parade on June 30. The last item on the 49th Congress order paper is to ratify Patria's fiscal 2014-15 budget.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Holy Hell on the Amrita campaign trail

While on the Amrita Party campaign trail, Amma took some time to respond to the allegations contained in Gail "Gayatri" Tredwell 's self-published book Holy Hell: a Memoir of Faith, Devotion and Pure Madness.  A native of Australia, Ms. Tredwell spent almost two decades as Amma's closest disciple and effectively her chief of staff before suddenly leaving the Amma organization in 1999. The book alleges that as Amma's organization morphed from a traditional Hindu-based ashram into a multi-national business empire, incredible financial improprieties took place under Amma's nose or with Amma's explicit approval - socking away millions of dollars (or crores of rupees) in foreign bank accounts, little of the donations by western devotees actually going to Amma's charitable activities and failure to file financial records as required by law. Ms. Tredwell also claims that Amma was physically and/or emotionally abusive toward her and other devotees and that sexual abuse took place involving Amma's chief swami and possibly even Amma herself.



Amma's remarks were, of course, made in her native Malayalam. The following is a summary of what the Amrita Party house leader said in the above clip.
Amma’s Response to the Allegations Against the Mata Amritanandamayi Math
[Said by Amma during her Brahmasthanam Festival, Puthur, Palakkad – 22nd February 2014]
“Every year the Ashram [The Mata Amritanandamayi Math] submits its accounts without fail. Every thing is being done as required. Some people are now trying to create misunderstandings, making various claims and misinterpretations. If we had the millions that they allege, I would have already wiped out poverty, both in India and throughout the world. That is my desire. No religion or any specific community donates to the Ashram, nor do we collect any membership fees. What we have is only because of my children’s self-sacrifice.
“This is an organization that does service. It’s an organization that helps people to cultivate service-mindedness. After the earthquake in Gujarat [2001], the Ashram reconstructed three villages there. Now, when the Ashram builds houses for the poor after disasters like the tsunami, even people 85 and 90 years old come from those villages to offer their service.
“Whatever be a person’s level of comprehension, whatever be his perspective—he will believe that alone to be right. This is the way most people think. We have sight, but lack insight—this is the situation we are seeing now. I have never asked anyone to serve me. I am serving everyone. I am simply a mother serving my children. We are not stealing or begging from anyone. Nor is anyone sitting idle; we are working hard and serving others. I only eat once a day. On some days, I may not eat at all. Regardless, every single day, I sit for hours on end and meet the devotees. Back in my room, I read hundreds of letters sent to me from all over the world. There are institutions to manage. I lead the children in meditation and give question-and-answer sessions. Here, no one sits idle. I have no hesitation to do any kind of work.
“I am not blaming anyone. I am just speaking about my children’s self-sacrifice and surrender. Because of that, we have been able to accomplish various things. Many people are making allegations, but none of these people are coming down to help society. That’s sad. Amma doesn’t ask anyone to believe in God. ‘Does God exist?’ is not the question. ‘Do suffering people exist?’ That is the question. ‘How can we relieve their suffering?’ Amma is ready to come forward and wash the feet of anyone who puts in sincere effort to that end.
“This Ashram is a centre of peace. I put my faith in self-surrender, selfless service and love. This is what I am teaching my children. I am an open book. All the rumours that are being spread are untrue. Because certain desires of theirs went unfulfilled, they have started making all sorts of allegations. Someone, somewhere, with an agenda is trying to stir up religious conflicts, making people fight each other, trying to start a war. My prayer is that goodness fills up everyone’s hearts and that everyone’s mind becomes filled with virtue. My children, please pray that you develop the strength to forgive and forget. Within and without, there is agitation. I don’t know where we are headed. May everyone’s mind be filled with only virtuous thoughts.”
Unfortunately, Amma had to take some time away from her mission of love and service to the world (and getting re-elected in Patria) to respond to this garbage. It should be noted that Ms. Tredwell's book is not exactly a best-seller. By one account, she has sold only a few hundred copies, not including pirated editions and unauthorized Malayalam translations in Amma's home Indian state of Kerala.